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The Tell: The Little Clues That Reveal Big Truths about Who We Are
“Verdict: Extremely relatable to the lay reader while still accessing an incredible amount of peer-reviewed scholarship, Hertenstein's work is perhaps the most comprehensive explanation of the correlation of nonverbal communication to genetics and behavior available today. Despite its nonacademic tone, this book has much to teach any reader.”
—Library Journal Review (Starred Review)
“An entertaining look at our oft-maligned intuitive capabilities, offering useful tips on how we may sharpen our powers of observation and increase the accuracy of our predictions.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Fascinating … The Tell succeeds as an engaging tour through current work in the science of behavior by a young psychologist who has the makings of a leading contributor to his field.”
—Shelf Awareness
“’The Tell’ is highly recommended.”
—Style Magazine
“Entertaining…in the Malcolm Gladwell-ian tradition.”
—Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life
“Those curious to learn about the powers of observation and the unconscious mind should definitely put this book on their to-read list.”
—Quick Book Reviews
“Lively and engaging…. Hertenstein offers much material to ponder and suggests that we embrace the power of these tools for helping us predict behavior.”
—Publishers Weekly
Every day we make predictions based on limited information, in business and at home. Will this company’s stock performance continue? Will the job candidate I just interviewed be a good employee? What kind of adult will my child grow up to be? We tend to dismiss our predictive minds as prone to bias and mistakes, but in The Tell, psychologist Matthew Hertenstein reveals that our intuition is surprisingly good at using small clues to make big predictions, and shows how we can make better decisions by homing in on the right details.
Just as expert poker players use their opponents’ tells to see through their bluffs, Hertenstein shows that we can likewise train ourselves to read physical cues to significantly increase our predictive acumen. By looking for certain clues, we can accurately call everything from election results to the likelihood of marital success, IQ scores to sexual orientation—even from flimsy evidence, such as an old yearbook photo or a silent one-minute video. Moreover, by understanding how people read our body language, we can adjust our own behavior so as to ace our next job interview or tip the dating scales in our favor.
Drawing on rigorous research in psychology and brain science, Hertenstein shows us how to hone our powers of observation to increase our predictive capacities. A charming testament to the power of the human mind, The Tell will, to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, show us how to notice what we see.
—Library Journal Review (Starred Review)
“An entertaining look at our oft-maligned intuitive capabilities, offering useful tips on how we may sharpen our powers of observation and increase the accuracy of our predictions.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“Fascinating … The Tell succeeds as an engaging tour through current work in the science of behavior by a young psychologist who has the makings of a leading contributor to his field.”
—Shelf Awareness
“’The Tell’ is highly recommended.”
—Style Magazine
“Entertaining…in the Malcolm Gladwell-ian tradition.”
—Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life
“Those curious to learn about the powers of observation and the unconscious mind should definitely put this book on their to-read list.”
—Quick Book Reviews
“Lively and engaging…. Hertenstein offers much material to ponder and suggests that we embrace the power of these tools for helping us predict behavior.”
—Publishers Weekly
Every day we make predictions based on limited information, in business and at home. Will this company’s stock performance continue? Will the job candidate I just interviewed be a good employee? What kind of adult will my child grow up to be? We tend to dismiss our predictive minds as prone to bias and mistakes, but in The Tell, psychologist Matthew Hertenstein reveals that our intuition is surprisingly good at using small clues to make big predictions, and shows how we can make better decisions by homing in on the right details.
Just as expert poker players use their opponents’ tells to see through their bluffs, Hertenstein shows that we can likewise train ourselves to read physical cues to significantly increase our predictive acumen. By looking for certain clues, we can accurately call everything from election results to the likelihood of marital success, IQ scores to sexual orientation—even from flimsy evidence, such as an old yearbook photo or a silent one-minute video. Moreover, by understanding how people read our body language, we can adjust our own behavior so as to ace our next job interview or tip the dating scales in our favor.
Drawing on rigorous research in psychology and brain science, Hertenstein shows us how to hone our powers of observation to increase our predictive capacities. A charming testament to the power of the human mind, The Tell will, to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes, show us how to notice what we see.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published November 12, 2013
About the author
Matthew Hertenstein
4 books9 followersMatthew Hertenstein received his Ph.D. in Psychology from the University of California, Berkeley and is on the faculty at DePauw University. He has been featured on the Today Show, ABC News, NPR, and in the New York Times, The Economist, and The Guardian (UK). Hertenstein lives in Greencastle, Indiana, with his wife, Margo, and his ever-curious son, Isaac.
www.thetellbook.com
www.thetellbook.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
October 10, 2013
While this book was written with both passion and expertise I found the marketing blurb to be misleading. Any hope I had that it might give me some new deductive skills was extinguished by the end of the third chapter. If you're a fan of psychology or child development you'll devour this book. If you're hoping to inform your inner Cal Lightman or Sherlock Holmes you can skip this one.
http://bestbookreviewblog.blogspot.com
http://bestbookreviewblog.blogspot.com
December 4, 2013
My expectations for this book were misplaced. Based on the title, The Tell, I thought I was in for some Ricky Jay-type insights into how people give themselves away, say at the poker table with a pulsing carotid artery. Or I thought I was going to find some startling Malcolm Gladwell-type revelation on how a few little clues reveal all, no matter what the situation. Instead, I found something drier, more academic, less interesting, more obvious, and overall very disappointing. It could be my misplaced expectations; it could be the book itself. Whatever the case, I didn't like the book.
Whether my expectations were off target or not, the book comes with several annoyances. There are tells that aren't tells, at least as far as I'm concerned. A baby with early symptoms of autism could be autistic, but I wouldn't call those symptoms "tells." A salesman with a good sales manner ("warmer, more enthusiastic, more genuine") will probably sell more than a salesman lacking these characteristics. Again, I would call this a common sense explanation of the obvious, not a "tell."
Another annoyance. Some authors take you on interesting digressions before getting to the point. Hertenstein's digressions aren't interesting; they aren't even perplexing. They are just irrelevant. Yes, elections are important, and yes, big business is competitive, and yes, autism is a problem, but what do these set-ups to every subject area have to do with tells? They come across as filler, not context.
Another. Hertenstein often ends a tell description with a "never mind" disclaimer (it's based on one study among many) or a "don't try this at home" warning (if a tell indicates your spouse is cheating on you, don't rely on that tic just described). A word of caution makes sense, but frequent repeated cautions undermine the book's credibility.
Another. Hertenstein presents a perhaps unintended contradiction. The book is designed to help you recognize tells, yet the book implies (and in at least one case, says) you will be a better reader of tells if you use untutored immediate intuition instead of analyzing the tells too thoroughly. So what to do when looking for a liar? Should I evaluate the tells or just go with quick "thin slice" intuition? By the end, I wasn't sure if I could identify the serial killer in a line up of saints. As Hertenstein admits, his book is not intended to be a guide to improving your perceptions.
So I was disappointed based on a misplaced expectation. My bad. Put that aside, and I still didn't care for the book, and for that, Hertenstein should share some of the blame.
Whether my expectations were off target or not, the book comes with several annoyances. There are tells that aren't tells, at least as far as I'm concerned. A baby with early symptoms of autism could be autistic, but I wouldn't call those symptoms "tells." A salesman with a good sales manner ("warmer, more enthusiastic, more genuine") will probably sell more than a salesman lacking these characteristics. Again, I would call this a common sense explanation of the obvious, not a "tell."
Another annoyance. Some authors take you on interesting digressions before getting to the point. Hertenstein's digressions aren't interesting; they aren't even perplexing. They are just irrelevant. Yes, elections are important, and yes, big business is competitive, and yes, autism is a problem, but what do these set-ups to every subject area have to do with tells? They come across as filler, not context.
Another. Hertenstein often ends a tell description with a "never mind" disclaimer (it's based on one study among many) or a "don't try this at home" warning (if a tell indicates your spouse is cheating on you, don't rely on that tic just described). A word of caution makes sense, but frequent repeated cautions undermine the book's credibility.
Another. Hertenstein presents a perhaps unintended contradiction. The book is designed to help you recognize tells, yet the book implies (and in at least one case, says) you will be a better reader of tells if you use untutored immediate intuition instead of analyzing the tells too thoroughly. So what to do when looking for a liar? Should I evaluate the tells or just go with quick "thin slice" intuition? By the end, I wasn't sure if I could identify the serial killer in a line up of saints. As Hertenstein admits, his book is not intended to be a guide to improving your perceptions.
So I was disappointed based on a misplaced expectation. My bad. Put that aside, and I still didn't care for the book, and for that, Hertenstein should share some of the blame.
December 12, 2013
Poor structure + tangents+ common sense+ author dummying down the text way too much = I quit!
November 22, 2013
THE TELL: inspired this review/article:
Secure Attachment: Do Good Teachers Need It
As my third period students filed in the door for physics class, one of the 8th graders whispered to me, "They did it again. Ms. Morgan (name changed) cried in class." I wondered what happened this time. Ms. Morgan and I were both new teachers at the public middle school and shared nearly all the same 150 students who appeared 36 or so at a time in our classrooms. While I was older than her, we were both teaching in public middle school for the first time. How did a small group of students know what to do to crush Ms. Morgan and bring her repeatedly to tears? Why did they "go after" her repeatedly and why did a small math mistake ruin her whole day?
While reading Matthew Hertenstein's The Tell "about the power of prediction based on observations of brief samples of others' behavior," I was thinking about teachers and classroom management. Some teachers can control a class of students and some cannot. Children seem to be able to size up teachers in an instant, just as adults can sense from laboratory studies and photos who is more aggressive, what is someone's sexual orientation and other personal things in mere moments. Learning teacher's tells could help them to do better in classroom evaluations from supervisors but could it also help with management?
John Owens' in Confessions of A Bad Teacher discusses how classroom management is not taught in teaching programs. I have watched many teachers struggle with how to deal with a group of children. At several schools, I taught multiple grade levels and watched over years how certain teachers just could not figure out what to do. Sadly, many supervisors do not know how to assist these teachers in improving.
Owens suggests: "I believe that America should return to the notion of teaching as a long-term career and recognize that the first few years really are an apprenticeship, and as such, new teachers should be matched with veteran teachers who are eager and able to serve as mentor-coaches." While I agree this is an interesting idea and potential solution, but who will be the mentors? Who will decide which teachers are able to coach?
From my experience, teachers who have been around longer are not necessarily more capable of managing a classroom. There is an assumption that "experienced" teachers can guide new teachers but I feel that new criteria of attachment may be a more appropriate way to approach who can mentor or reverse mentor in schools.
Parents who were often volunteers in my classroom commented on the different tactics in place to "manage" their children from offering stickers, apple parties, free dress days which were not in use or necessary in my science lab. If some teachers need "gifts" or "threats" to manage a classroom, I would not want them coaching new teachers in these tactics.
Hertenstein talks about attachment and how "caregivers and educators [need] to realize the power of their influence to reshape the brains of children." Given the important role educators have, perhaps scientists need to share the secrets of how to create secure attachment. He discussed a six-hour program given to parents that significantly changed children's futures allowing them to become more securely attached. In fact, there are programs that have been scientifically supported such as the Circle of Security, which could be provided to parents and adapted for teachers. Maybe this class can be given to more parents and adapted for teachers.
As Hertenstein says:
Children deemed secure are significantly more self-reliant and confident in life. Some kids independently do their work, occasionally asking the teacher for help appropriately; others constantly seek the teacher's help, even when it's unnecessary. Secure attachments engender self-confidence; these children know that they can influence their world and achieve their goals through their efforts.
While I do not want to add any more items to teachers ever-growing pile of things to do, the goals of increased self-confidence and independent learning are valuable for students and teachers. Perhaps if we focused on the really important items, teachers would have less busy work to do and could accomplish the most treasured tasks.
The focus in education on testing and grades and now common core standards have not created a vibrant community of learning where all members of the educational team feel they can reach their full potential. We need to put "No Child Left Behind" in the past and find a new emphasis like concentrating on attachment. If teachers can learn "how to reprocess experiences and come to terms with the past" in their own lives, they will be ready to support secure attachment for all the children in their classrooms.
While reading Hertenstein's The Tell, his research also showed that in the classroom, "students form their first impressions of an instructor as early as the first day and hold these perceptions as much as four months later." Teachers especially ones like Ms. Morgan are immediately being graded by students and children can tell quickly what they can or cannot get away with in different classrooms. It is possible to assist teachers by sharing "tells" so that new teachers do not get caught as if "prey" in the savannah by their own students.
Students and other observers are marking "warm, enthusiastic teachers [as] more knowledgeable and better teachers than people who are reserved," but is that what makes for a good school year? "We think we know what makes a good teacher -- expertise in the field, clear goals, fair grading, quality course materials, organization, and accessibility -- but ...the evidence suggests that how a teacher conducts herself is at least as important, if not more so, than course content when it comes to the experience of learning." The 8th graders knew that Ms. Morgan was nervous and insecure; they consistently "attacked" when they could. Several more experienced teachers were assigned to assist but it was a challenging year for her.
The 8th graders who were well-behaved in my classroom seemed to take a perverse enjoyment in making the new math teacher cry when she made a mistake on the board. After the first time, they seemed like animals in the savannah going in for a "kill" and no amount of intervention seemed to help in this situation. They sensed her "weakness" and took advantage. I agree that Owens' idea of mentorship would have worked for her if she had the right person to follow. I did speak several times to the students and request that they behave and even offered to assist Ms. Morgan but as I was a "first-year" teacher at this school, my offer was discounted.
Another option would be assisting teachers directly with their insecurities. "We get a lot of teachers coming as workshop participants at the Bloodline Healing Project," said George Kamana Hunter, founder of a new form of generational healing that works on a community level.
I've observed that most of the newer teachers are not aware of their own sense of boundaries. How can they model healthy boundaries unless they feel confident with their own limits? I tend to challenge teachers with interactive exercises to help them learn to set spatial boundaries and to foster their voice of authority. They need that safe place outside of their school to make mistakes and explore. Teachers need classrooms too.
Teachers do need a village to assist them in their own growth so that they can appropriately assist their students.
Jessica Gelson is a therapist (MFT) who has worked with adolescents with severe emotional and behavioral problems. She continues to work with adults and adolescents in her private practice in Los Angeles. She shared with me that "Attachment between a child and a caregiver, in this case a teacher, is very important, because it creates a safe emotional container so the child can take the risk to be more independent. This fosters emotional, social, and intellectual growth in the child. If children feel safe, they can step out of their comfort zone and into the growth zone. This, in turn, can lead to more creative thinking and problem solving." So children would not only feel safer they would be more able to function fully and achieve their goals.
Gelson continued:
If teachers can begin to look at their own attachment issues and heal their own early wounding, then they can foster healthier new relationships in the classroom. Teaching is not just about imparting information. It is also about helping kids grow up to be courageous, thinking and productive members of society. Successful teachers take their own influence on children's lives very seriously. They do their own emotional work, they "clean up their own houses," so they can be a cleaner and more appropriate model for their students. As a therapist, I use such modalities as the Bloodline Healing Project and individual sessions, to work with adults who are trying to be the best they can so they don't pass their "stuff" on to the next generations.
There are ways to support and not malign teachers but like all professionals teachers need to do continuing education not only as educators but also as role models.
Teaching is a challenging profession that is art and science as well as managing a room of growing humans and sharing new curriculum. I think all of us can use as many tools as possible to create a system where teachers, administrators, parents and students have the opportunity to grow into the best people they can be. If scientists can assist us all to manage our tells and learn from them so we can all have the most secure attachment and self-confidence, perhaps we can all flourish together with no more tears.
About this review: Lisa Niver Rajna was a 2012 nominee for the Presidential Award for Excellence in Math and Science Teaching. She was the first teacher to appear on Career Day. She and her husband George are on a career break sharing their world adventures on We Said Go Travel.
FIRST published on Huffington Post Education: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-ni...
Secure Attachment: Do Good Teachers Need It
As my third period students filed in the door for physics class, one of the 8th graders whispered to me, "They did it again. Ms. Morgan (name changed) cried in class." I wondered what happened this time. Ms. Morgan and I were both new teachers at the public middle school and shared nearly all the same 150 students who appeared 36 or so at a time in our classrooms. While I was older than her, we were both teaching in public middle school for the first time. How did a small group of students know what to do to crush Ms. Morgan and bring her repeatedly to tears? Why did they "go after" her repeatedly and why did a small math mistake ruin her whole day?
While reading Matthew Hertenstein's The Tell "about the power of prediction based on observations of brief samples of others' behavior," I was thinking about teachers and classroom management. Some teachers can control a class of students and some cannot. Children seem to be able to size up teachers in an instant, just as adults can sense from laboratory studies and photos who is more aggressive, what is someone's sexual orientation and other personal things in mere moments. Learning teacher's tells could help them to do better in classroom evaluations from supervisors but could it also help with management?
John Owens' in Confessions of A Bad Teacher discusses how classroom management is not taught in teaching programs. I have watched many teachers struggle with how to deal with a group of children. At several schools, I taught multiple grade levels and watched over years how certain teachers just could not figure out what to do. Sadly, many supervisors do not know how to assist these teachers in improving.
Owens suggests: "I believe that America should return to the notion of teaching as a long-term career and recognize that the first few years really are an apprenticeship, and as such, new teachers should be matched with veteran teachers who are eager and able to serve as mentor-coaches." While I agree this is an interesting idea and potential solution, but who will be the mentors? Who will decide which teachers are able to coach?
From my experience, teachers who have been around longer are not necessarily more capable of managing a classroom. There is an assumption that "experienced" teachers can guide new teachers but I feel that new criteria of attachment may be a more appropriate way to approach who can mentor or reverse mentor in schools.
Parents who were often volunteers in my classroom commented on the different tactics in place to "manage" their children from offering stickers, apple parties, free dress days which were not in use or necessary in my science lab. If some teachers need "gifts" or "threats" to manage a classroom, I would not want them coaching new teachers in these tactics.
Hertenstein talks about attachment and how "caregivers and educators [need] to realize the power of their influence to reshape the brains of children." Given the important role educators have, perhaps scientists need to share the secrets of how to create secure attachment. He discussed a six-hour program given to parents that significantly changed children's futures allowing them to become more securely attached. In fact, there are programs that have been scientifically supported such as the Circle of Security, which could be provided to parents and adapted for teachers. Maybe this class can be given to more parents and adapted for teachers.
As Hertenstein says:
Children deemed secure are significantly more self-reliant and confident in life. Some kids independently do their work, occasionally asking the teacher for help appropriately; others constantly seek the teacher's help, even when it's unnecessary. Secure attachments engender self-confidence; these children know that they can influence their world and achieve their goals through their efforts.
While I do not want to add any more items to teachers ever-growing pile of things to do, the goals of increased self-confidence and independent learning are valuable for students and teachers. Perhaps if we focused on the really important items, teachers would have less busy work to do and could accomplish the most treasured tasks.
The focus in education on testing and grades and now common core standards have not created a vibrant community of learning where all members of the educational team feel they can reach their full potential. We need to put "No Child Left Behind" in the past and find a new emphasis like concentrating on attachment. If teachers can learn "how to reprocess experiences and come to terms with the past" in their own lives, they will be ready to support secure attachment for all the children in their classrooms.
While reading Hertenstein's The Tell, his research also showed that in the classroom, "students form their first impressions of an instructor as early as the first day and hold these perceptions as much as four months later." Teachers especially ones like Ms. Morgan are immediately being graded by students and children can tell quickly what they can or cannot get away with in different classrooms. It is possible to assist teachers by sharing "tells" so that new teachers do not get caught as if "prey" in the savannah by their own students.
Students and other observers are marking "warm, enthusiastic teachers [as] more knowledgeable and better teachers than people who are reserved," but is that what makes for a good school year? "We think we know what makes a good teacher -- expertise in the field, clear goals, fair grading, quality course materials, organization, and accessibility -- but ...the evidence suggests that how a teacher conducts herself is at least as important, if not more so, than course content when it comes to the experience of learning." The 8th graders knew that Ms. Morgan was nervous and insecure; they consistently "attacked" when they could. Several more experienced teachers were assigned to assist but it was a challenging year for her.
The 8th graders who were well-behaved in my classroom seemed to take a perverse enjoyment in making the new math teacher cry when she made a mistake on the board. After the first time, they seemed like animals in the savannah going in for a "kill" and no amount of intervention seemed to help in this situation. They sensed her "weakness" and took advantage. I agree that Owens' idea of mentorship would have worked for her if she had the right person to follow. I did speak several times to the students and request that they behave and even offered to assist Ms. Morgan but as I was a "first-year" teacher at this school, my offer was discounted.
Another option would be assisting teachers directly with their insecurities. "We get a lot of teachers coming as workshop participants at the Bloodline Healing Project," said George Kamana Hunter, founder of a new form of generational healing that works on a community level.
I've observed that most of the newer teachers are not aware of their own sense of boundaries. How can they model healthy boundaries unless they feel confident with their own limits? I tend to challenge teachers with interactive exercises to help them learn to set spatial boundaries and to foster their voice of authority. They need that safe place outside of their school to make mistakes and explore. Teachers need classrooms too.
Teachers do need a village to assist them in their own growth so that they can appropriately assist their students.
Jessica Gelson is a therapist (MFT) who has worked with adolescents with severe emotional and behavioral problems. She continues to work with adults and adolescents in her private practice in Los Angeles. She shared with me that "Attachment between a child and a caregiver, in this case a teacher, is very important, because it creates a safe emotional container so the child can take the risk to be more independent. This fosters emotional, social, and intellectual growth in the child. If children feel safe, they can step out of their comfort zone and into the growth zone. This, in turn, can lead to more creative thinking and problem solving." So children would not only feel safer they would be more able to function fully and achieve their goals.
Gelson continued:
If teachers can begin to look at their own attachment issues and heal their own early wounding, then they can foster healthier new relationships in the classroom. Teaching is not just about imparting information. It is also about helping kids grow up to be courageous, thinking and productive members of society. Successful teachers take their own influence on children's lives very seriously. They do their own emotional work, they "clean up their own houses," so they can be a cleaner and more appropriate model for their students. As a therapist, I use such modalities as the Bloodline Healing Project and individual sessions, to work with adults who are trying to be the best they can so they don't pass their "stuff" on to the next generations.
There are ways to support and not malign teachers but like all professionals teachers need to do continuing education not only as educators but also as role models.
Teaching is a challenging profession that is art and science as well as managing a room of growing humans and sharing new curriculum. I think all of us can use as many tools as possible to create a system where teachers, administrators, parents and students have the opportunity to grow into the best people they can be. If scientists can assist us all to manage our tells and learn from them so we can all have the most secure attachment and self-confidence, perhaps we can all flourish together with no more tears.
About this review: Lisa Niver Rajna was a 2012 nominee for the Presidential Award for Excellence in Math and Science Teaching. She was the first teacher to appear on Career Day. She and her husband George are on a career break sharing their world adventures on We Said Go Travel.
FIRST published on Huffington Post Education: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-ni...
December 30, 2013
3.5 stars
This was an enjoyable, casual read. I would have liked it to be longer and more detailed (which is a good sign). And there were some significant issues with the actual writing. Specifically, Hertenstein tries so hard not to offend anybody with implicit criticism or condemnation, I kept tripping over his disclaimers - and for pity's sake, if you're going to support evopsych explanations for ANY female psychology, if you suddenly decide to switch to talking about gay men, maybe you could explain that leap, please. That entire chapter was stupidly, needlessly frustrating.
Note to prospective readers: this is not a "If he tugs his nose, he's lying! Hire a divorce attorney asap!" sort of book. Hertenstein's take is more nuanced and thoughtful, and interesting.
This was an enjoyable, casual read. I would have liked it to be longer and more detailed (which is a good sign). And there were some significant issues with the actual writing. Specifically, Hertenstein tries so hard not to offend anybody with implicit criticism or condemnation, I kept tripping over his disclaimers - and for pity's sake, if you're going to support evopsych explanations for ANY female psychology, if you suddenly decide to switch to talking about gay men, maybe you could explain that leap, please. That entire chapter was stupidly, needlessly frustrating.
Note to prospective readers: this is not a "If he tugs his nose, he's lying! Hire a divorce attorney asap!" sort of book. Hertenstein's take is more nuanced and thoughtful, and interesting.
January 15, 2016
I found it quite boring. How is it that all of these psychology books end up describing the same studies over and over again? Surely social and developmental psychology have more than a handful of interesting studies, but every book refers to the development of attachment theory and how tall men make more money. Most of the information in here was better covered in Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You from 5-10 years ago. The chapter on dating and relationships was wholly disappointing and consisted of a number of trite cliches dressed up in pseudoscience clothing. I ended up skimming vast sections of the book.
November 16, 2013
This is the kind of book that is filled with the interesting, bizarre research findings that you feel compelled to share with someone. Hertenstein even uses a literary device where at the end of each chapter, he gives you the 3 best findings to share at a party.
What behaviors help in the early detection of autism in children? and which are myths? p.19
How do unhealthy parent-relationships influences the puberty development of girls? p. 36
What does a man's face tell us about their potential to be violent? p.62
How can you get better at detecting lies? p. 118
Why can 5-year old kids predict who wins an election better than your favorite political pundit? p. 164
the list goes on in terms of simple cues that can help us predict extremely important behavior. the first few chapters were the best, as Hertenstein does a masterful job describing some of the most interesting findings about early attachment relationships.
Because the writing is smooth with ample use of headings and subheadings, I was able to polish off this entire book in a 2.5 hour flight. Its a testament to good content and excellent writing.
All this being said, let me list two minor problems I had with the book.
1. excessive apologizing and caveats about research limitations. you will find apologies littered throughout the book and in Chapter 5, when the focus is on predicting sexual orientation ("gaydar"), it becomes tedious. If it is too uncomfortable to discuss "the tells of sexual orientation", you should skip the topic.
2. several of the examples in the book will be overly familiar. For example, I was surprised to find the 1960 Kennedy-Nixon debate dissected. This event is a mainstay in psychology books and textbooks.
It's a good book with a killer overarching theme. From the knowledge in this book, you will be a better judge of yourself and other people.
What behaviors help in the early detection of autism in children? and which are myths? p.19
How do unhealthy parent-relationships influences the puberty development of girls? p. 36
What does a man's face tell us about their potential to be violent? p.62
How can you get better at detecting lies? p. 118
Why can 5-year old kids predict who wins an election better than your favorite political pundit? p. 164
the list goes on in terms of simple cues that can help us predict extremely important behavior. the first few chapters were the best, as Hertenstein does a masterful job describing some of the most interesting findings about early attachment relationships.
Because the writing is smooth with ample use of headings and subheadings, I was able to polish off this entire book in a 2.5 hour flight. Its a testament to good content and excellent writing.
All this being said, let me list two minor problems I had with the book.
1. excessive apologizing and caveats about research limitations. you will find apologies littered throughout the book and in Chapter 5, when the focus is on predicting sexual orientation ("gaydar"), it becomes tedious. If it is too uncomfortable to discuss "the tells of sexual orientation", you should skip the topic.
2. several of the examples in the book will be overly familiar. For example, I was surprised to find the 1960 Kennedy-Nixon debate dissected. This event is a mainstay in psychology books and textbooks.
It's a good book with a killer overarching theme. From the knowledge in this book, you will be a better judge of yourself and other people.
October 26, 2023
I kept waiting for this book to get better and it never did. It is 10 years old at this point and I think it's safe to say it's outdated. First off, it's information we've all heard before that in 2023 is fairly common knowledge. Also, some of the information is downright false... or, at minimum, offensively insensitive. For example, the author starts off the book with a bang by stating that you can reverse autism in infants if you catch the signs early enough and take steps to "rewire" their brains.
I just can't with this heap of garbage.
Usually, I give 1 star reviews to books I can't finish because they are bad. I finished this one, but it gets one star because I think the misinformation it purports is dangerous.
I just can't with this heap of garbage.
Usually, I give 1 star reviews to books I can't finish because they are bad. I finished this one, but it gets one star because I think the misinformation it purports is dangerous.
June 18, 2018
A couple of chapters in this book were very helpful, but overall the book wasn’t what I was looking for. It explained more of what physical traits successful people have in common; I was looking for reading body language and mannerisms.
October 18, 2017
Perhaps I would have enjoyed this book more if I hadn't read similar books before that described some of the same studies "The Tell" does, to make different points. I didn't find anything particularly unique that really fulfills the title, though of course there were some interesting findings interspersed throughout.
One of the things that irritates me about some of the conclusions (and the author does add the caveat that of course there are exceptions the generalisms made) is that it deals with the "average" person's tendencies and inclinations. While this can be valuable information, I am more interested in the exceptions to the "rule" - what about when the clues are misleading? What about those who are not quite so predictable? It's much more interesting to explore the areas of gray where things are not what we expect and we have to be able to think context-specific.
I think it can be dangerous to buy into a lot of these "big truths" when in reality, a lot of these truths are only truths because we make them so (in our minds, in our society and culture).
One of the things that irritates me about some of the conclusions (and the author does add the caveat that of course there are exceptions the generalisms made) is that it deals with the "average" person's tendencies and inclinations. While this can be valuable information, I am more interested in the exceptions to the "rule" - what about when the clues are misleading? What about those who are not quite so predictable? It's much more interesting to explore the areas of gray where things are not what we expect and we have to be able to think context-specific.
I think it can be dangerous to buy into a lot of these "big truths" when in reality, a lot of these truths are only truths because we make them so (in our minds, in our society and culture).
August 18, 2017
Who is choosing titles for books lately? It certainly doesn't seem to be anyone who has talked to the author or even read the book. "Tells" in common use, refer to mostly unconscious behaviors. Much of this book is more focused on looks and physiology. Approximately a third of the book is developmental psychology, specifically in the infant years. It's not un-interesting, but it wasn't what the title or synopsis indicated I'd be getting.
I'm sure there's a joke to be told in here about making snap judgements based on a book's cover, but I'm not really invested in setting it up for the punch line.
It's a fairly quick read, but it reads more like a something written under the ol' professorial "publish or perish" mandate than because the author was all that excited to share his research. It's a better book for a educational or developmental psych major than as a pleasure read.
I'm sure there's a joke to be told in here about making snap judgements based on a book's cover, but I'm not really invested in setting it up for the punch line.
It's a fairly quick read, but it reads more like a something written under the ol' professorial "publish or perish" mandate than because the author was all that excited to share his research. It's a better book for a educational or developmental psych major than as a pleasure read.
November 1, 2013
It's true that this book isn't one of those that say "look for behavior X and it means Y." Instead, the author weaves in stories and research in psychology that show the reader how our brains are capable of predicting a number of different outcomes - relationships, political races, company profits, personality, etc. I enjoyed the book a lot. If you want a "how to book" this is probably not for you. If you want to learn about some pretty fascinating (and counterintuitive) research in psychology you'll like it a lot.
October 31, 2013
Written very well. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting, however I did find it quite informative for new parents or anyone interested in child development.
I did find the description of the book to be somewhat misleading; I expected to be able to improve my abilities to "read" people in everyday situations, but I don't believe that's what this book is for.
I would still recommend it to the people that I referenced above.
I did find the description of the book to be somewhat misleading; I expected to be able to improve my abilities to "read" people in everyday situations, but I don't believe that's what this book is for.
I would still recommend it to the people that I referenced above.
January 4, 2014
I thought the book would be more about behaviors than appearances.
May 12, 2014
A book about the little clues that reveal big truths about who we are? Not so much.
August 29, 2024
A decent, but perhaps not entirely scintillating, general audience foray into the psychological science of "tells": clues that indicate how someone might think, behave, or even vote, later in life. While the author shares very fascinating studies, my biggest reservation about the book is that the studies he shares are primarily correlational, and not necessarily tied to specific reasons as to why a particular personal characteristic might have an impact on the way someone is viewed. As an example: in the case of how people elect political candidates to office, there is correlational evidence to indicate that voters tend towards taller and more wide-faced candidates, but this doesn't indicate that the chosen candidates are better leaders, only better perceived as leaders. Sharing research which teases out perception versus actual effectiveness would have been more interesting.
What the book does well is to whittle down a series of studies (a lot of studies: there are about 70 pages of bibliography and index after the prose is complete) into fairly digestible and interesting connections between quickly-noticed characteristics and longer-term personal observations.
What the book does well is to whittle down a series of studies (a lot of studies: there are about 70 pages of bibliography and index after the prose is complete) into fairly digestible and interesting connections between quickly-noticed characteristics and longer-term personal observations.
April 5, 2024
Tall Tell Tales?
After reading this book, I began to wonder how reliable the results were given that psychology has a high degree of data fraud in research studies. For example, I began to wonder how large and varied the sample sizes were, what statistical methodology was used, exactly where these results were published (e.g. I saw no footnotes citing specific published papers, no specific field trial references, etc), and so on. There was only a large unconnected list of references at the end of the book. Looking at a couple of the references indicated relatively small samples that would be easily subjected to p-hacking. Plus I began to wonder how many times the results were replicated if at all. It seemed to me a number of these results would come under the category of “extraordinary” which would require *extraordinary* evidence. So, for now, given the paucity of solid cited evidence, I have to remain largely skeptical and dismiss the conclusions as pretty much useless.
After reading this book, I began to wonder how reliable the results were given that psychology has a high degree of data fraud in research studies. For example, I began to wonder how large and varied the sample sizes were, what statistical methodology was used, exactly where these results were published (e.g. I saw no footnotes citing specific published papers, no specific field trial references, etc), and so on. There was only a large unconnected list of references at the end of the book. Looking at a couple of the references indicated relatively small samples that would be easily subjected to p-hacking. Plus I began to wonder how many times the results were replicated if at all. It seemed to me a number of these results would come under the category of “extraordinary” which would require *extraordinary* evidence. So, for now, given the paucity of solid cited evidence, I have to remain largely skeptical and dismiss the conclusions as pretty much useless.
Read
March 2, 20242024 Reading Challenge Category: a book that you learned about from a podcast/tv show/article.
I added this one to my list after listening to the author interview on Kris Boyd's "Think" podcast years ago. As other Goodreads reviewers have noted, this book has a bit more of an academic bent than the title suggests. The content consists primarily of overviews of various experiments conducted by psychology professors designed to "predict" various outcomes, such as who will win an election based on looks or the outcome of a person's marriage based on how genuinely they smile in childhood photos. The results are interesting but obviously don't apply to everyone in every case. If you're interested in ways experimental psychology might apply to everyday life, this could be an interesting read for you.
I added this one to my list after listening to the author interview on Kris Boyd's "Think" podcast years ago. As other Goodreads reviewers have noted, this book has a bit more of an academic bent than the title suggests. The content consists primarily of overviews of various experiments conducted by psychology professors designed to "predict" various outcomes, such as who will win an election based on looks or the outcome of a person's marriage based on how genuinely they smile in childhood photos. The results are interesting but obviously don't apply to everyone in every case. If you're interested in ways experimental psychology might apply to everyday life, this could be an interesting read for you.
September 7, 2019
If you are not new to reading popular science of either neurobiology or social sciences in general, this book will be essentially a rehash of just about everything you already know.
The book gives you zero information about the tell, the big truths, or little clues. This is barely a research book, by scientific standards. The essential message here is that you can read the book by its cover as long as you don't think too much. The book is very low on info about any kind of tells and heavy on "we don't yet have a scientific explanation how people read this or that on other people".
Hard pass.
The book gives you zero information about the tell, the big truths, or little clues. This is barely a research book, by scientific standards. The essential message here is that you can read the book by its cover as long as you don't think too much. The book is very low on info about any kind of tells and heavy on "we don't yet have a scientific explanation how people read this or that on other people".
Hard pass.
June 24, 2017
The best thing about this book is that it introduces you to some ideas of what is possible to judge from people's appearances and behaviors. Other than that, while this book isn't poorly written, it isn't written well either. The author's analysis at times felt inconsistent and surface level at times, not offering much more than what is obvious. A few of the things in this book will kick around in my mind but not much else.
March 6, 2021
Written by a psychologist on the little clues that give predict success, and how we make decisions about the competence of people. Quoting studies on the subject which seem familiar from other similar books.
The good: Party anecdotes to summarize the findings at the end of every chapter.
The bad: Wooden narrator.
Please note that this is not the book that will help you "read" people, it is rather an explanation of how people judge the worthiness of dates, job candidates and politicians.
The good: Party anecdotes to summarize the findings at the end of every chapter.
The bad: Wooden narrator.
Please note that this is not the book that will help you "read" people, it is rather an explanation of how people judge the worthiness of dates, job candidates and politicians.
June 30, 2020
A very interesting book about snap judgements. The author covers all spectrums of life from infancy, autism, education, politics, dating, divorce and many more. Along the way, he points out how quickly and accurately some facts become inevitable to the observer
April 23, 2022
The word 'Hedonistic' comes to mind.
Honest feedback.
Hardly "relatable". If anyone wants a reliable book, Joe Navarro, an expert who worked with the FBI for 40 years is the go to on non verbal communication.
This is classic text book bs.
Honest feedback.
Hardly "relatable". If anyone wants a reliable book, Joe Navarro, an expert who worked with the FBI for 40 years is the go to on non verbal communication.
This is classic text book bs.
September 5, 2018
A well written, accessible and engaging overview of the topic.
December 13, 2018
About 100 pages in I realized I'd read this before...LOL. Still skimmed the rest of it to refresh my memory. Very interesting.
April 19, 2019
DNF@50%
Blaming “refrigerator parents” and determining aggression through phrenology? Unscientific BS.
Blaming “refrigerator parents” and determining aggression through phrenology? Unscientific BS.
February 1, 2022
Summarizes some research. Not much interesting analysis. Skimmed toward the last.
December 31, 2014
It feels like I've read a few of these books. This is in the same wheelhouse as Ari Brafman's 'Sway' or Malcolm Gladwell's 'The Tipping Point' or his book 'Blink'.
It's a series of little factoids (all backed up by solid evidence via scientific studies, which I appreciate and it adds dimension here) about how we think and make decisions. A few of the more interesting things I learned: When we judge people we can take in information and make snap decisions and come up with surprisingly accurate assessments. In one study people who were shown 2 photos were able to select the most successful CEO (i.e. the one who ran the more successful company). This is kind of amazing that somehow we can intuit this. This held true for selecting political candidates as well; mere seconds are all we need to decide which candidate will be most likely to win an election. The 'how' is where things get nebulous; we are programmed to process certain facial 'tells' as important clues to the personality and traits of others. For example, CEOS with broader faces tended to elicit more deferential behavior from the board of trustees. They also tended to be considered more effective overall.
In politics these impressions can be critical especially with the statistics of how many misinformed or uninformed voters are out there. A strategist can help a candidate only so much; facial structure and symmetry unsually cannot be changed. So perhaps just having full campaign coffers is not enough for political success.
Teachers also have to navigate being assessed based on first impressions. Studies done using college students' initial impressions of an instructor showed their opinions of the effectiveness of a professor did not change after the end of a course. What does this mean? IT would behoove a professor to put his or her best foot forward the first day of class. Teacher evaluations are used heavily by university staff to determine salary (raises) and also tenure. Students make emotional decisions when evaluating a professor and this can absolutely affect the professors adversely. To test this theory a professor taught two classes using the same meterials, slides, everything for both. The only thing he did was vary his style of teaching; for one class he was outgoing, walking around the desk and much more animated. For the other class he remained seated using a more reserved approach. The students who were in the 'gregarious enthusiastic' class rated him highly. The other class rated him as less competent. This is great info for any of you teachers or professors to utilize.
Another fascinating part of the book related to the studies done in childhood attachment and also adult attachment. It was very meticulously presented and that one section alone made the book well worth reading. I'd recommend the book even if that is the only section you read. Anyone who is a parent to a young child (or infant.. it relates to attachement and it's repercussions so it would be most useful for anyone just starting out with kids infant- 2 years of age). Even if you are not a parent but considering having children down the road? READ THIS. Such amazing information presented in an accessible way on early childhood development.
It's a series of little factoids (all backed up by solid evidence via scientific studies, which I appreciate and it adds dimension here) about how we think and make decisions. A few of the more interesting things I learned: When we judge people we can take in information and make snap decisions and come up with surprisingly accurate assessments. In one study people who were shown 2 photos were able to select the most successful CEO (i.e. the one who ran the more successful company). This is kind of amazing that somehow we can intuit this. This held true for selecting political candidates as well; mere seconds are all we need to decide which candidate will be most likely to win an election. The 'how' is where things get nebulous; we are programmed to process certain facial 'tells' as important clues to the personality and traits of others. For example, CEOS with broader faces tended to elicit more deferential behavior from the board of trustees. They also tended to be considered more effective overall.
In politics these impressions can be critical especially with the statistics of how many misinformed or uninformed voters are out there. A strategist can help a candidate only so much; facial structure and symmetry unsually cannot be changed. So perhaps just having full campaign coffers is not enough for political success.
Teachers also have to navigate being assessed based on first impressions. Studies done using college students' initial impressions of an instructor showed their opinions of the effectiveness of a professor did not change after the end of a course. What does this mean? IT would behoove a professor to put his or her best foot forward the first day of class. Teacher evaluations are used heavily by university staff to determine salary (raises) and also tenure. Students make emotional decisions when evaluating a professor and this can absolutely affect the professors adversely. To test this theory a professor taught two classes using the same meterials, slides, everything for both. The only thing he did was vary his style of teaching; for one class he was outgoing, walking around the desk and much more animated. For the other class he remained seated using a more reserved approach. The students who were in the 'gregarious enthusiastic' class rated him highly. The other class rated him as less competent. This is great info for any of you teachers or professors to utilize.
Another fascinating part of the book related to the studies done in childhood attachment and also adult attachment. It was very meticulously presented and that one section alone made the book well worth reading. I'd recommend the book even if that is the only section you read. Anyone who is a parent to a young child (or infant.. it relates to attachement and it's repercussions so it would be most useful for anyone just starting out with kids infant- 2 years of age). Even if you are not a parent but considering having children down the road? READ THIS. Such amazing information presented in an accessible way on early childhood development.
February 23, 2017
Offers some interesting, and sometimes surprising insights into how we form our judgments of other people.
January 21, 2014
Rarely do I begin a book that turns out to be … what, a waste of my time? or worse… I read the sample, and if the book is a turn off, I don't buy the book. I don't review the book, and so have mostly above average reviews posted.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I have not finsihed this book, and may never finish it. An unwritten review however would rest upon me like mosquito bites in the night.
During the first parts of the book, where Hertenstein writes emotionally about fearing his baby might have been autistic, I was captivated. Here was some exciting information about how to turn childhood autism around. Wow! I very nearly recommended the book to someone, based on another chapter wherein the author suggested that by changing one's conversational style, one could overcome certain social messages of a negative sort.
The chapter about how wide faced people can be perceived rightfully as untrustworthy was however disconcerting. The message I came away with, whether intended or not, was that wide faced people ought to be viewed as potentiallly harmful.
Then I set aside the book and began thinking about the overall message as to the "tell" - those aspects of our behavior and also our physiognomy that indicate things to others we may not be aware of. And it all fell into a pile of garbage, in my opinion. There may be one good idea in this book, or there may be a hundred good ideas. But mixed in are some ideas that in my opinion need a lot more research, and beyond that, a lot more careful thought.
Here is my final observation: I have the Kindle edition. It is possible there is a bibliography in there at the end that I cannot see. But before someone makes sweeping broad generalizations about how people should be regarded and trusted based on their facial shape, they had best check themselves very very carefully for racism and all manner of stereotypical nonsense. If there are citations for the source of the findings published here, the kindle edition needs to bring them forward with footnotes.
This book carries some very high accolades and the biography of the author suggests it is a scientific study. I would categorize it as anecdotal, pseudo-scientific malarkey.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I have not finsihed this book, and may never finish it. An unwritten review however would rest upon me like mosquito bites in the night.
During the first parts of the book, where Hertenstein writes emotionally about fearing his baby might have been autistic, I was captivated. Here was some exciting information about how to turn childhood autism around. Wow! I very nearly recommended the book to someone, based on another chapter wherein the author suggested that by changing one's conversational style, one could overcome certain social messages of a negative sort.
The chapter about how wide faced people can be perceived rightfully as untrustworthy was however disconcerting. The message I came away with, whether intended or not, was that wide faced people ought to be viewed as potentiallly harmful.
Then I set aside the book and began thinking about the overall message as to the "tell" - those aspects of our behavior and also our physiognomy that indicate things to others we may not be aware of. And it all fell into a pile of garbage, in my opinion. There may be one good idea in this book, or there may be a hundred good ideas. But mixed in are some ideas that in my opinion need a lot more research, and beyond that, a lot more careful thought.
Here is my final observation: I have the Kindle edition. It is possible there is a bibliography in there at the end that I cannot see. But before someone makes sweeping broad generalizations about how people should be regarded and trusted based on their facial shape, they had best check themselves very very carefully for racism and all manner of stereotypical nonsense. If there are citations for the source of the findings published here, the kindle edition needs to bring them forward with footnotes.
This book carries some very high accolades and the biography of the author suggests it is a scientific study. I would categorize it as anecdotal, pseudo-scientific malarkey.
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