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Hannah's Children: The Women Quietly Defying the Birth Dearth
A portrait of America's most interesting yet overlooked women.
In the midst of a historic "birth dearth," why do some 5 percent of American women choose to defy the demographic norm by bearing five or more children? Hannah’s Children is a compelling portrait of these overlooked but fascinating mothers who, like the biblical Hannah, see their children as their purpose, their contribution, and their greatest blessing.
The social scientist Catherine Pakaluk, herself the mother of eight, traveled across the United States and interviewed fifty-five college-educated women who were raising five or more children. Through open-ended questions, she sought to understand who these women are, why and when they chose to have a large family, and what this choice means for them, their families, and the nation.
Hannah’s Children is more than interesting stories of extraordinary women. It presents information that is urgently relevant for the future of American prosperity. Many countries have experimented with aggressively pro-natalist public policies, and all of them have failed. Pakaluk finds that the quantitative methods to which the social sciences limit themselves overlook important questions of meaning and identity in their inquiries into fertility rates. Her book is a pathbreaking foray into questions of purpose, religion, transcendence, healing, and growth—questions that ought to inform economic inquiry in the future.
In the midst of a historic "birth dearth," why do some 5 percent of American women choose to defy the demographic norm by bearing five or more children? Hannah’s Children is a compelling portrait of these overlooked but fascinating mothers who, like the biblical Hannah, see their children as their purpose, their contribution, and their greatest blessing.
The social scientist Catherine Pakaluk, herself the mother of eight, traveled across the United States and interviewed fifty-five college-educated women who were raising five or more children. Through open-ended questions, she sought to understand who these women are, why and when they chose to have a large family, and what this choice means for them, their families, and the nation.
Hannah’s Children is more than interesting stories of extraordinary women. It presents information that is urgently relevant for the future of American prosperity. Many countries have experimented with aggressively pro-natalist public policies, and all of them have failed. Pakaluk finds that the quantitative methods to which the social sciences limit themselves overlook important questions of meaning and identity in their inquiries into fertility rates. Her book is a pathbreaking foray into questions of purpose, religion, transcendence, healing, and growth—questions that ought to inform economic inquiry in the future.
400 pages, Hardcover
First published March 19, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
August 10, 2024
Going into this book, I expected some good demographic data and sociological insight (and it delivered). What I wasn't expecting was to be so dang encouraged. In fact, listening to these vastly varied interviews with seasoned mothers was incredibly healing, restorative, and bolstering for me.
The thing about role models is that we often don't hear from the ones doing hidden work. We see and hear the loudest ones, the ones with prestige or finesse, the ones writing memoirs or doing public facing work. But who thinks to hear from mothers, and not just mothers, but the ones doing something very counter-cultural and odd in the eyes of society... like having a large family? Most often they're written off as religiously brainwashed or caricatured as boring doormats. But they have much to offer in the way of modeling a way of life that is not only uncommon but entirely rare in the modern West.
The interviews in here are truly a treasure. The women are varied in many aspects of life circumstance and background. I found it fascinating that the research tended to show more in common with women choosing larger families with their spouse (whether wanting them at the start, or warming to it one baby at a time, or some mix) than these women had with with many of the people in their same socioeconomic/professional/geographic/cultural/religious backgrounds.
As stated multiple times within... this not a difference of degree, but of kind: To have the view that people (in the form of children) *are* the good in life, and worth all the necessary sacrifices. That you don't squeeze some planned children into your ideal life, but that you build your life around the children that come. That children don't ruin your marriage, they are in fact a fruit of its love.
Hearing from the intriguing women themselves in this conversational, qualitative way was such a good and necessary approach. Much is lost and misunderstood in quantitative demography and traditional sociological studies (which I'm also a sucker for).
I loved the way the author wove in not only relevant data, but interpretations of the threads she was collecting across these interviews. The women's experience with the benefits of large families—and babies—for marriages, siblings, families, communities, and society was especially illuminating and should be considered more seriously.
This book was a much needed bit of hope after reading and reviewing the more dismal "Family Unfriendly" by Tim Carney. These books, released on the same day, should honestly be bundled and read together. Each illumines the gaps and answers many of the questions of the other.
This would be helpful for anyone grappling with the whys, fears, or struggles of parenthood. Or really anyone in need of some hard-earned and honest wisdom regarding the role of children in all of our lives.
(The audio version was WONDERFUL. And the author's interview with Louise Perry on the Maiden Mother Matriarch podcast was a DELIGHT.)
The thing about role models is that we often don't hear from the ones doing hidden work. We see and hear the loudest ones, the ones with prestige or finesse, the ones writing memoirs or doing public facing work. But who thinks to hear from mothers, and not just mothers, but the ones doing something very counter-cultural and odd in the eyes of society... like having a large family? Most often they're written off as religiously brainwashed or caricatured as boring doormats. But they have much to offer in the way of modeling a way of life that is not only uncommon but entirely rare in the modern West.
The interviews in here are truly a treasure. The women are varied in many aspects of life circumstance and background. I found it fascinating that the research tended to show more in common with women choosing larger families with their spouse (whether wanting them at the start, or warming to it one baby at a time, or some mix) than these women had with with many of the people in their same socioeconomic/professional/geographic/cultural/religious backgrounds.
As stated multiple times within... this not a difference of degree, but of kind: To have the view that people (in the form of children) *are* the good in life, and worth all the necessary sacrifices. That you don't squeeze some planned children into your ideal life, but that you build your life around the children that come. That children don't ruin your marriage, they are in fact a fruit of its love.
Hearing from the intriguing women themselves in this conversational, qualitative way was such a good and necessary approach. Much is lost and misunderstood in quantitative demography and traditional sociological studies (which I'm also a sucker for).
I loved the way the author wove in not only relevant data, but interpretations of the threads she was collecting across these interviews. The women's experience with the benefits of large families—and babies—for marriages, siblings, families, communities, and society was especially illuminating and should be considered more seriously.
This book was a much needed bit of hope after reading and reviewing the more dismal "Family Unfriendly" by Tim Carney. These books, released on the same day, should honestly be bundled and read together. Each illumines the gaps and answers many of the questions of the other.
This would be helpful for anyone grappling with the whys, fears, or struggles of parenthood. Or really anyone in need of some hard-earned and honest wisdom regarding the role of children in all of our lives.
(The audio version was WONDERFUL. And the author's interview with Louise Perry on the Maiden Mother Matriarch podcast was a DELIGHT.)
July 2, 2024
Oh wow, this was so good. So many different parts of me and my life (past and present) came to my attention while reading, which caused many tears (for both grief and gladness).
I don’t know what else I would say…
It’s a beautiful book, and awfully well-written.
Without going into specifics, it has helped me sort through some inner things, and helped me to feel more settled.
I highly recommend.
I don’t know what else I would say…
It’s a beautiful book, and awfully well-written.
Without going into specifics, it has helped me sort through some inner things, and helped me to feel more settled.
I highly recommend.
June 20, 2024
I’m not exactly the demographic that was the focus of the research in this book - I have the five kids but not the college degree. And I can see that it might not be the best book for everyone to read, if you are dealing with infertility or not in a place to consider having more children. I also thought some things were overstated, particularly in the last couple of chapters. But I loved hearing all the women’s stories and I think the overarching message of the great value of children and the necessity of sacrificing other goods for that more important good is much needed today.
September 4, 2024
She really lost me on the LAST page of this book where she calls public education “a government cartel designed to compete against religious schools,” BUT overall an interesting read.
This book is the culmination of the author’s research on women with college degrees who chose to have 5+ children (many have 7+). She concludes that the reason birth rates are low are due to a lack of value placed on children, particularly outside religious communities, and that those in religious communities are more likely to value children for xyz reason. Makes sense.
Though understandably outside of the scope of her research, I wish the book had addressed more about the financial situation of these families and how finances play a part in large families. It is quite obvious that although evidence may not point to tax credits/economic subsidies increasing the birth rate, a good many of her interviewees had a certain level of wealth. Additionally, I’d be interested to read some negative experiences of children/siblings in large families.
Because the author herself is Catholic and has a large family (which she acknowledges), it also felt biased and in some parts she seemed to make assumptions that were not clearly derived from her interviews.
I, too, value children, but probably not enough to have 8 of them! :)
This book is the culmination of the author’s research on women with college degrees who chose to have 5+ children (many have 7+). She concludes that the reason birth rates are low are due to a lack of value placed on children, particularly outside religious communities, and that those in religious communities are more likely to value children for xyz reason. Makes sense.
Though understandably outside of the scope of her research, I wish the book had addressed more about the financial situation of these families and how finances play a part in large families. It is quite obvious that although evidence may not point to tax credits/economic subsidies increasing the birth rate, a good many of her interviewees had a certain level of wealth. Additionally, I’d be interested to read some negative experiences of children/siblings in large families.
Because the author herself is Catholic and has a large family (which she acknowledges), it also felt biased and in some parts she seemed to make assumptions that were not clearly derived from her interviews.
I, too, value children, but probably not enough to have 8 of them! :)
April 1, 2024
I loved this so much! All the moms in here were so nice and sounded just like my mom and her friends. SO inspiring!!!
September 18, 2024
I meant to read this book alongside Caleb, but cruised through it leaving him behind on page 100…
one of the most memorable quotes is something along the lines of… “when I was younger, I thought I was doing something great for God by having all these children. Now I can see that really God was doing something great for me”..
This book has changed the way I view my motherhood. It felt like sitting down with women who have valued children above all else and asking “why?”. Why give up advances in your career, why give up sleep and time alone, why give up material goods, why give up your very self, your identity? Their answers were beautiful, thought provoking, and inspiring. Pakaluk looks at these women’s answers through an economic lens, hoping to provide answers to how we can increase childbearing in our world. And no, it’s not by a child tax credit, nor by free IVF.. shocking.
one of the most memorable quotes is something along the lines of… “when I was younger, I thought I was doing something great for God by having all these children. Now I can see that really God was doing something great for me”..
This book has changed the way I view my motherhood. It felt like sitting down with women who have valued children above all else and asking “why?”. Why give up advances in your career, why give up sleep and time alone, why give up material goods, why give up your very self, your identity? Their answers were beautiful, thought provoking, and inspiring. Pakaluk looks at these women’s answers through an economic lens, hoping to provide answers to how we can increase childbearing in our world. And no, it’s not by a child tax credit, nor by free IVF.. shocking.
May 16, 2024
This book covers a very interesting topic. It is chalked full of narratives of college-educated women from a variety of backgrounds and religions who chose to have five or more children. The author ties in economics, theology, politics, and identity to understand the “why” behind childbearing.
I didn’t find the book to be heavy-handed or shaming towards women who choose to have fewer children or cannot have children. I found it to be incredibly uplifting to hear from so many different women who see the deep value in their role and vocation as a mother. I was inspired. Not necessarily inspired to have 10 children, but definitely inspired by the wisdom, grace, and joy displayed by the mothers who were interviewed here.
I didn’t find the book to be heavy-handed or shaming towards women who choose to have fewer children or cannot have children. I found it to be incredibly uplifting to hear from so many different women who see the deep value in their role and vocation as a mother. I was inspired. Not necessarily inspired to have 10 children, but definitely inspired by the wisdom, grace, and joy displayed by the mothers who were interviewed here.
June 15, 2024
I was so excited to read this book! As a practicing Catholic and new young Mom, this book was right up my alley. I thought the start of the book (in which the author described neo-Malthusian ideas) was brilliant. However, the rest of the book is mostly interviews with mothers-of-many copied almost verbatim, complete with ums, ahs, and half-formed ideas. As another reviewer noted, the interviews become really repetitive.
Also, I’ll admit that some of the rhetoric in this book made me uncomfortable. One woman with ten children related asking her husband after a birth “how many more can we have?” While I do think large families are beautiful and worth celebrating, I do think there comes a point where having more and more children becomes myopic and potentially unfair to the existing kids, and to be frank, I think some women in this book were skirting that line. Many women seemed to take the position that more is always better, even after health crises or mental health challenges.
Overall, this book contained a lot of good insights. Even though I’m Catholic, I found that the most sagacious points came from the Jewish women interviewed. However, I think the interviews should have been more streamlined and cleaned up. The takeaways from the interviews were often repetitive and vague. An interesting work for sure!
Also, I’ll admit that some of the rhetoric in this book made me uncomfortable. One woman with ten children related asking her husband after a birth “how many more can we have?” While I do think large families are beautiful and worth celebrating, I do think there comes a point where having more and more children becomes myopic and potentially unfair to the existing kids, and to be frank, I think some women in this book were skirting that line. Many women seemed to take the position that more is always better, even after health crises or mental health challenges.
Overall, this book contained a lot of good insights. Even though I’m Catholic, I found that the most sagacious points came from the Jewish women interviewed. However, I think the interviews should have been more streamlined and cleaned up. The takeaways from the interviews were often repetitive and vague. An interesting work for sure!
September 24, 2024
This book delves into why about 5% of women embrace and choose to have 5 or more children. It delves into a great ethnographic search, asking 55 unique, college educated women who have chosen this lifestyle to share their own stories and why they go against the demographic grain. Religious faith is a huge motivating factor, alongside openness, sacrifice, seeing their children as gifts and not living in the culture of worry. Catherine Pakaluk has crafted something worth pondering and understanding here.
August 26, 2024
I really enjoyed listening to this. Hearing from college-educated women with 5+ children about why they have the number of kids that they have was heartwarming, validating, and quite insightful. The women in this study truly love being mothers, and view raising their children as the highest good they can offer the world (and for many of them, the Lord). They discuss the cost/benefit of having children, and why they believe the birth rate has declined so drastically in America: we aren’t willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others.
I have a 10 month old, and hearing the stories of these women gave words to feelings I’ve had personally, but didn’t quite know how to express.
The other major theme in this book is that incentivizing fertility will not (and historically has never) fixed declining birth rates. Fascinating.
I do think this book could have been shorter and organized differently. It did seem repetitive at times, and like it couldn’t decide if it was a religious text or an economics book. But I’m happy to have read it!
I have a 10 month old, and hearing the stories of these women gave words to feelings I’ve had personally, but didn’t quite know how to express.
The other major theme in this book is that incentivizing fertility will not (and historically has never) fixed declining birth rates. Fascinating.
I do think this book could have been shorter and organized differently. It did seem repetitive at times, and like it couldn’t decide if it was a religious text or an economics book. But I’m happy to have read it!
July 31, 2024
The most impactful conclusion of this book is that “policymakers cannot directly incentivize childbearing, because the motives for having children depend on an assessment of value outside the reach of even very large subsidies and tax credits.” On this, Ms. Pakaluk makes a very compelling case.
I enjoyed reading this book. I do feel that it comes across a little too pro-natal in the sense that it may encourage some to idolize large families. I do not think that this was the author's intent, but some of the interview quotes certainly left the impression that if you do not have a large family then you (the presumptive parent) may live an unfulfilled life. And further, children with fewer siblings will grow up to be incomplete adults. I’ve seen no research that supports this hypothesis.
I would propose that it is selfless serving of others that really engenders the kind of maturation that these interviewees are seeing. Yes, that can happen in a large family. It can also happen in non-familial settings. Further, you can grow up in a larger family and still be a selfish jerk. These things (unselfishness and large families) can be correlated, but they are not causative.
The message that I got from this book: dying to oneself can be transformative. It can and often does happen in the setting of a large family. It can also happen elsewhere.
Other than that, I found this book to be refreshing in a world where most people seem to discourage large families or treat them with suspicion.
I enjoyed reading this book. I do feel that it comes across a little too pro-natal in the sense that it may encourage some to idolize large families. I do not think that this was the author's intent, but some of the interview quotes certainly left the impression that if you do not have a large family then you (the presumptive parent) may live an unfulfilled life. And further, children with fewer siblings will grow up to be incomplete adults. I’ve seen no research that supports this hypothesis.
I would propose that it is selfless serving of others that really engenders the kind of maturation that these interviewees are seeing. Yes, that can happen in a large family. It can also happen in non-familial settings. Further, you can grow up in a larger family and still be a selfish jerk. These things (unselfishness and large families) can be correlated, but they are not causative.
The message that I got from this book: dying to oneself can be transformative. It can and often does happen in the setting of a large family. It can also happen elsewhere.
Other than that, I found this book to be refreshing in a world where most people seem to discourage large families or treat them with suspicion.
August 30, 2024
I learned about economics, was strengthened in my love for my children, and even cried a little. I call that a winner. 😆
April 18, 2024
I loved this book and found it to be beautifully affirming of mothers of many. The stories shared by the women who were interviewed had in common a recognition that it is hard work to have a large family but it is also incredibly rewarding work. And it’s good for men too- as many shared their husbands were more driven to be successful because they have a lot of responsibility AND they become kind heroes. Children do bring so much joy! In a world that treats children as if they are inconvenient, burdensome, and a hindrance to marriage, it was refreshing to read something that showed how the very opposite of that is true.
October 1, 2024
Hannah's Children really got me out of my ideological echo chamber. I really liked hearing the different women’s perspectives on the benefits of having children, and the meaning it brings to our lives. I’m grateful to the author for conducting this research into a realm that is understudied if not completely ignored, and the book definitely helped me grapple with explanations for the low birth rate in developed countries.
More personally, it helped me to articulate my own reasons for having kids, such as the idea that having children connects us to our ancestors like an "infinite chain" of humanity; that it's empowering and downright magical to create another life; that true satisfaction in life comes from giving ("give and you shall receive") and raising children is the ultimate test in how much we are willing to give; that having children brings meaning and purpose to our lives; and, appealing to my animist/pagan side, that it's an animal and bodily instinct that feels right to listen to.
With all of that said, I had serious issues with the quality of some of the author’s arguments. She implies that feminism is to blame for low birth rates. Not only do I disagree, the argument that women entering the workforce is a problem for birth rates ignores the real culprit, which is capitalism, and the assertion in our culture that care work is not economically valuable while making money outside the home is. In addition, the fact that she has eight children yet works as a successful academic while making this argument strikes me as hypocritical.
Also, it bothers me that all the religious women profiled are Christian and Jewish-- there are zero Muslim women discussed. It is a glaring omission, and speaks to the white-centric nature of the research.
There are plenty more ideological points on which I disagree with the author (such as her argument for less separation between church and state)-- but that's to be expected. Overall, I haven't read such a provocative book in a very long time. It helped me immensely to engage with aspects of motherhood I'd only thought about superficially. It was a great addition to the intellectual examination of motherhood I've low-key been on since the births of my children. I definitely would recommend this read to people on either side of the political spectrum.
More personally, it helped me to articulate my own reasons for having kids, such as the idea that having children connects us to our ancestors like an "infinite chain" of humanity; that it's empowering and downright magical to create another life; that true satisfaction in life comes from giving ("give and you shall receive") and raising children is the ultimate test in how much we are willing to give; that having children brings meaning and purpose to our lives; and, appealing to my animist/pagan side, that it's an animal and bodily instinct that feels right to listen to.
With all of that said, I had serious issues with the quality of some of the author’s arguments. She implies that feminism is to blame for low birth rates. Not only do I disagree, the argument that women entering the workforce is a problem for birth rates ignores the real culprit, which is capitalism, and the assertion in our culture that care work is not economically valuable while making money outside the home is. In addition, the fact that she has eight children yet works as a successful academic while making this argument strikes me as hypocritical.
Also, it bothers me that all the religious women profiled are Christian and Jewish-- there are zero Muslim women discussed. It is a glaring omission, and speaks to the white-centric nature of the research.
There are plenty more ideological points on which I disagree with the author (such as her argument for less separation between church and state)-- but that's to be expected. Overall, I haven't read such a provocative book in a very long time. It helped me immensely to engage with aspects of motherhood I'd only thought about superficially. It was a great addition to the intellectual examination of motherhood I've low-key been on since the births of my children. I definitely would recommend this read to people on either side of the political spectrum.
September 30, 2024
I felt seen reading this book. Well researched. Many quotes I wanted to go back to. Would give it 4.5 stars if I could.
July 2, 2024
The author did her grad research on women who chose to have five or more children and specifically looked at their choice from an economic perspective. Considering that some countries are trying tax incentives or other economic perks for those who have children in these days of demographic winter (incentives that aren’t working to raise the birth rates), what motivates women to deny self and culture and choose motherhood?
It’s not lack of education. Many of these women (myself included) have a college degree, and some still work.
It’s not government incentives. That’s not long-lasting enough to have lasting impact on number of children; all that might affect is the timing of the births—people were already planning to have that one or those two children so they go ahead and do it now while the tax benefit is there.
Barring one outlier, all the women interviewed chose to have many children for religious motives. They believe children are valuable, and show it by the immense sacrifices they made personally—because “economically”speaking, the benefits outweighed the personal costs. The author discusses the many benefits these mothers listed.
This was an encouraging book. Of course I wholeheartedly agreed before even hearing the arguments, so I was a sympathetic audience. The book also clearly discusses how climate change and feminism have killed birth rates. But motherhood can be fulfilling and satisfying to a woman like no other work or position can, so why don’t the feminists allow this option if it makes a woman happy?
It’s not lack of education. Many of these women (myself included) have a college degree, and some still work.
It’s not government incentives. That’s not long-lasting enough to have lasting impact on number of children; all that might affect is the timing of the births—people were already planning to have that one or those two children so they go ahead and do it now while the tax benefit is there.
Barring one outlier, all the women interviewed chose to have many children for religious motives. They believe children are valuable, and show it by the immense sacrifices they made personally—because “economically”speaking, the benefits outweighed the personal costs. The author discusses the many benefits these mothers listed.
This was an encouraging book. Of course I wholeheartedly agreed before even hearing the arguments, so I was a sympathetic audience. The book also clearly discusses how climate change and feminism have killed birth rates. But motherhood can be fulfilling and satisfying to a woman like no other work or position can, so why don’t the feminists allow this option if it makes a woman happy?
August 19, 2024
This is an extraordinary book, and I wish I could give a copy to every parent I know and maybe especially to young couples considering whether and when to have children. At some point I'll encourage each of my kids to read it. Catherine Pakaluk and the women she quotes extensively have so many profound insights about faith, motherhood, parenthood, the purpose of marriage, and the counterintuitive path to the greatest joys and satisfactions of mortality and eternity.
Pakaluk is perhaps one of the few people that could write a book like this with the credibility she brings, both as a Harvard-educated economist and a mother of eight. I was proud to discover that the findings upon which the book is based come from a joint initiative of the Catholic University of America and the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University (my alma mater).
The book feels like it's long overdue for a world with rapidly declining birthrates. And it addresses questions I've pondered about how to encourage my own daughters and help them to think about these choices—to help them appreciate that they are remarkably blessed to have the freedom and resources to pursue so many different paths but to also not undervalue the blessings of motherhood.
There are too many beautiful quotes to share all, but this one from the beginning captures a lot:
"Like Hannah, many of my other subjects groped for descriptions of the customized life they had rejected, where the number and timing of children were fitted to a narrative of self-identity. They, in contrast, fitted themselves into a greater narrative of childbearing. They spoke of self-sacrifice but not of losing themselves. My subjects believe they have found themselves in having children. They believe their personalities and capacities have expanded—indeed superabounded so richly as to give rise to other persons. This expansion has, in turn, somehow opened them to receive gifts of love and sacrifice from their own ancestors, gifts whose meaning had remained inaccessible until unlocked by their own choice to participate with those ancestors in reaching toward the infinite.
"Like Hannah, the other women I met extended this contrast to their marriages, to their children, and to social order more broadly. They believe that the sustained effect of living with needy young children for an extended period of life fosters other-regarding virtues necessary for egalitarianism and civic friendship: empathy, generosity, solidarity, and self-denial. Like Hannah, my subjects typically described a life of religious seriousness in which they allowed their beliefs about God and the meaning of life to shape their own hearts and desires. Finally, like Hannah, they had adopted a posture of openness to children as a way of life and not a mere season." (pgs. 14-15)
Pakaluk is perhaps one of the few people that could write a book like this with the credibility she brings, both as a Harvard-educated economist and a mother of eight. I was proud to discover that the findings upon which the book is based come from a joint initiative of the Catholic University of America and the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University (my alma mater).
The book feels like it's long overdue for a world with rapidly declining birthrates. And it addresses questions I've pondered about how to encourage my own daughters and help them to think about these choices—to help them appreciate that they are remarkably blessed to have the freedom and resources to pursue so many different paths but to also not undervalue the blessings of motherhood.
There are too many beautiful quotes to share all, but this one from the beginning captures a lot:
"Like Hannah, many of my other subjects groped for descriptions of the customized life they had rejected, where the number and timing of children were fitted to a narrative of self-identity. They, in contrast, fitted themselves into a greater narrative of childbearing. They spoke of self-sacrifice but not of losing themselves. My subjects believe they have found themselves in having children. They believe their personalities and capacities have expanded—indeed superabounded so richly as to give rise to other persons. This expansion has, in turn, somehow opened them to receive gifts of love and sacrifice from their own ancestors, gifts whose meaning had remained inaccessible until unlocked by their own choice to participate with those ancestors in reaching toward the infinite.
"Like Hannah, the other women I met extended this contrast to their marriages, to their children, and to social order more broadly. They believe that the sustained effect of living with needy young children for an extended period of life fosters other-regarding virtues necessary for egalitarianism and civic friendship: empathy, generosity, solidarity, and self-denial. Like Hannah, my subjects typically described a life of religious seriousness in which they allowed their beliefs about God and the meaning of life to shape their own hearts and desires. Finally, like Hannah, they had adopted a posture of openness to children as a way of life and not a mere season." (pgs. 14-15)
June 26, 2024
My qualification for this review is that I *do* fall into the demographic studied, as a college-educated mother of five. It was encouraging to hear others voice very similar motivations in having a larger-than-average family.
I don’t think the book is trying to get everyone to have a large family, and neither am I. The author is asking us to have a positive attitude toward larger families as well as toward babies and children in general.
That being said, the stories in the book did a great job demonstrating the value of children and family to these particular women. The women stand in contrast to a cultural norm. One idea posited was that this generation of women haven’t had opportunity to see value in children. Many people are growing up in small families themselves and then going into age-segregated schooling. As a result, they have no memories and experience being around children (to see the joy that children can bring). In the school environment, women are being pushed toward college and career. With less exposure to the blessings babies bring, it’s no wonder women aren’t choosing to have more than 1 or 2 children. They have invested time and finances into a career, and they remain in that most challenging space of juggling motherhood and career. Read the book for a more nuanced explanation than what I can share here.
The book emphasized the importance of religious motivation among these women, and the communities therein that support them and their families. I am thankful for a church community that loves children and families of all sizes.
One of my favorite lighter points was that the number of kids you have doesn’t have a straight multiplicative effect on the time, work, or money it costs. Children pass down clothes and toys, bedtime routines get combined, and older children join in the work of the home. Moms just starting families—having 1, 2, or 3 little kids really is hard. It gets easier.
I will be sharing this book widely with friends in the season of growing their families. We see lots of examples culturally of 0, 1, or 2 children. The voices of those in this 5% having 5 or more kids need to be a part of the conversation too.
I don’t think the book is trying to get everyone to have a large family, and neither am I. The author is asking us to have a positive attitude toward larger families as well as toward babies and children in general.
That being said, the stories in the book did a great job demonstrating the value of children and family to these particular women. The women stand in contrast to a cultural norm. One idea posited was that this generation of women haven’t had opportunity to see value in children. Many people are growing up in small families themselves and then going into age-segregated schooling. As a result, they have no memories and experience being around children (to see the joy that children can bring). In the school environment, women are being pushed toward college and career. With less exposure to the blessings babies bring, it’s no wonder women aren’t choosing to have more than 1 or 2 children. They have invested time and finances into a career, and they remain in that most challenging space of juggling motherhood and career. Read the book for a more nuanced explanation than what I can share here.
The book emphasized the importance of religious motivation among these women, and the communities therein that support them and their families. I am thankful for a church community that loves children and families of all sizes.
One of my favorite lighter points was that the number of kids you have doesn’t have a straight multiplicative effect on the time, work, or money it costs. Children pass down clothes and toys, bedtime routines get combined, and older children join in the work of the home. Moms just starting families—having 1, 2, or 3 little kids really is hard. It gets easier.
I will be sharing this book widely with friends in the season of growing their families. We see lots of examples culturally of 0, 1, or 2 children. The voices of those in this 5% having 5 or more kids need to be a part of the conversation too.
July 26, 2024
Okay so this is informative, thought-provoking, and SUPER inspiring!!!
Still, the writing is sometimes disorganized in my opinion. And I wish the chapters would have focused on one woman at a time because it was a bit tricky to keep everyone straight in my mind when mothers were mentioned or quoted seemingly out of left field in the middle of a longer section about someone else’s story/family/outlook.
I would still recommend this, however!
Edited:
I need to add that despite my little bit of criticism, I have been thinking about this book allll the time since finishing it over a month ago. I truly think it’s worth EVERYONE’s time in this age of such tremendous devaluing of children and traditional families.
Still, the writing is sometimes disorganized in my opinion. And I wish the chapters would have focused on one woman at a time because it was a bit tricky to keep everyone straight in my mind when mothers were mentioned or quoted seemingly out of left field in the middle of a longer section about someone else’s story/family/outlook.
I would still recommend this, however!
Edited:
I need to add that despite my little bit of criticism, I have been thinking about this book allll the time since finishing it over a month ago. I truly think it’s worth EVERYONE’s time in this age of such tremendous devaluing of children and traditional families.
August 6, 2024
Full of interviews and analysis of large families, family planning and fertility. Interviews are from a wide range of subjects and the differences and similarities are very interesting. Great for giving a long term perspective for a large family and encouragement when the world seems against you. Also interviews made me self conscious about how many times I use the work “like” in a sentence so reader beware.
July 21, 2024
As a mother of five kids in eight years, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more “seen” by a book than I did this one. So many stories that brought me to tears, made me chuckle, and encouraged me in my vocation as mother of many.
July 2, 2024
This book has been the most interesting I have read in awhile, it certainly was not what I expected. I loved hearing all the stories from such different women.
However what I found the most interesting was all the information about economics. I learned so much about population and the changes over just the past few decades.
Amazing way to tell the story of a group of women that are not usually heard from. It was also interesting to hear how they got to the place of having large families. It was certainly was not what I was expecting. All the stories about how positive having multiple babies has been in these women’s lives was inspiring and quite counter cultural.
This book has honestly changed my perspective about a few things. I cannot recommend it more.
However what I found the most interesting was all the information about economics. I learned so much about population and the changes over just the past few decades.
Amazing way to tell the story of a group of women that are not usually heard from. It was also interesting to hear how they got to the place of having large families. It was certainly was not what I was expecting. All the stories about how positive having multiple babies has been in these women’s lives was inspiring and quite counter cultural.
This book has honestly changed my perspective about a few things. I cannot recommend it more.
Read
June 5, 2024A few tidbits I got:
I contribute to society by raising well balanced kids.
Just because things are on the back burner doesn't mean the burner is off.
I was not a fan of the unpolished interviews and narratives...lots of "ums" and "likes" left it.
I contribute to society by raising well balanced kids.
Just because things are on the back burner doesn't mean the burner is off.
I was not a fan of the unpolished interviews and narratives...lots of "ums" and "likes" left it.
August 25, 2024
LOVED this book! I listened to it on audio, and it felt like sitting in on conversations with like-minded women. So encouraging!
About halfway through I started to get nervous about how the author was going to wrap-up a book of interviews. She did an excellent job with the conclusion. I was moved to tears.
About halfway through I started to get nervous about how the author was going to wrap-up a book of interviews. She did an excellent job with the conclusion. I was moved to tears.
June 25, 2024
I really loved this- important discussion on why pro-natalist polices don’t work and the very real economic consequences of low birth rates, woven throughout the most beautiful anecdotes from all the mothers that were interviewed. The primary focus was not on what all these women gave up to have their large families, but rather that they *willingly* gave these things up because the value of their children outweighed their other options
May 7, 2024
I loved this (have kids).
An anecdotal study that proves that data is nothing without context. The stories some of the women are so touching and beautiful and from truly lived experience (have kids).
An economic book that focuses on the power of magic, faith, surprise, wonder and the ineffable (have kids).
Why are we facing a population collapse? This book explores why with more humanity than spreadsheets would ever provide (have kids).
Unfortunately, those who most need to read it most likely won't (have kids).
An anecdotal study that proves that data is nothing without context. The stories some of the women are so touching and beautiful and from truly lived experience (have kids).
An economic book that focuses on the power of magic, faith, surprise, wonder and the ineffable (have kids).
Why are we facing a population collapse? This book explores why with more humanity than spreadsheets would ever provide (have kids).
Unfortunately, those who most need to read it most likely won't (have kids).
May 19, 2024
Excellent book! Even the sections on economics and statistics were fascinating and helped give perspective. The study the book is based on seems to be very solid and well thought out (like focusing on college-educated women who fully had a choice regarding career), and the questions and conclusions it raised provided much food for thought. I don’t usually cry over books, but this one got me. As someone who has received most of the stereotypical comments regarding family size and feels the weight of living a counter cultural life, I resonated strongly with these women’s stories and loved hearing their “why” put into words. While I fit into the 5% category that the book addresses, I think it raises a worthwhile topic for anyone interested in the future of families.
May 26, 2024
DNF. May get back to it. Became episodic with interviews with women. The interviews were beginning to feel repetitive.
October 3, 2024
As a mom of twice the average number of kids in the US ;-) who also loves sociology, this book caught my eye, and, overall, did not disappoint. It is an interesting and important discussion of family and family size, children and childbearing, primarily in terms of personal motivations, but also political/policy implications.
The insights both of the mothers interviewed and of Pakaluk's analysis are thought-provoking, unsurprisingly counter-cultural, and, to me, validating and encouraging. Society views children as "the scapegoat of our culture, the axis of evil, the destroyer of marriages, and individuality, and freedom, the suppressor of women," and motherhood is dismissed as unfulfilling, unskilled labor ("Oh, you don't work? [...] What do you do all day? I wish I could stay home all day"). In contrast, the large-family moms Pakaluk talked with heartily acknowledge that children are a blessing, bring joy, and have "tremendous worth" which far outweighs the self-sacrificial "opportunity costs" of having a child; they appreciate the value of motherhood and homemaking as purposeful pursuits requiring skill and hard work; and, they have found over time that having children is fulfilling and ultimately sanctifying (their experience was not "losing themselves, but of finding themselves ... it was yourself that [they] seemed to think you got in return [for personal sacrifices, or dying to self]--not the self that died, but a better self"). Interestingly, especially to the study of improving birth rates, it was after having their third or fourth child that these women report truly embracing, and fully enjoying, their identity as mother (versus, for example "a lawyer and a mom" when they were still trying to "have it all"). These women love being moms and love their children (and, rightly, consider both vital to society).
Several points I found intriguing were statistics mentioned briefly about "adults with one or two children will spend no more than 5 percent of their adult lives with an infant under one year old, and no more than 20 percent with a child under age five" and that the "typical middle school, high school, or college student, will never have lived in the same house with a human infant, and if so, will not remember it". Also, the fascinating anecdotal correlation between mental health and babies (holding and caring for them), as well as developmental/physical improvement in special needs children through sibling interactions. On a different note, the discussions of "pro-social" virtues learned within a large family, financial feasibility, and marital stability are also important in countering the mainstream, negative narratives.
In the last chapter, almost as an aside, Pakaluk concludes that, though statistically tax credits (etc.) have not reversed falling birth rates, the "policy lesson is simple: the flourishing of traditional religious institutions breaks the low-marriage-low-fertility cycle. People will lay down their comforts, dreams, and selves for God, not for subsidies. If the state can't save the American family, it can give religion a freer rein to try." She clarifies: "Religious freedom as family policy would mean the government's taking a step back from providing human services directly, starting with education, and asking churches to become stronger by doing more." As a Christian, I understand why the "answer" is realigning with God's created order (especially the inherent worth of children, not family size per se), which brings human flourishing, but that will be a hard sell in a post-Christian society ...and doubtless Pakaluk and "the women quietly defying the birth dearth" are all well aware.
My only criticisms are that by the end of the book, it seemed a bit repetitive, and the lengthy quotes from the interviews were at times cumbersome (unedited and lacking nonverbal communication); I think the content overall would have been more effectively communicated as a documentary, specifically with video clips of the interviews. I am also conflicted that the study was specifically of "educated" women: while I understand how this might be considered the most convincing demographic for the cost/benefit factor of having a large family, it does seem to confirm the cultural presupposition that having children (and being a mother) would not be someone's first choice or top priority, as if the "uneducated" woman who simply got married and had a family (without going to college) either did not make a true "choice" and/or did not have a true opportunity to do anything else.
The insights both of the mothers interviewed and of Pakaluk's analysis are thought-provoking, unsurprisingly counter-cultural, and, to me, validating and encouraging. Society views children as "the scapegoat of our culture, the axis of evil, the destroyer of marriages, and individuality, and freedom, the suppressor of women," and motherhood is dismissed as unfulfilling, unskilled labor ("Oh, you don't work? [...] What do you do all day? I wish I could stay home all day"). In contrast, the large-family moms Pakaluk talked with heartily acknowledge that children are a blessing, bring joy, and have "tremendous worth" which far outweighs the self-sacrificial "opportunity costs" of having a child; they appreciate the value of motherhood and homemaking as purposeful pursuits requiring skill and hard work; and, they have found over time that having children is fulfilling and ultimately sanctifying (their experience was not "losing themselves, but of finding themselves ... it was yourself that [they] seemed to think you got in return [for personal sacrifices, or dying to self]--not the self that died, but a better self"). Interestingly, especially to the study of improving birth rates, it was after having their third or fourth child that these women report truly embracing, and fully enjoying, their identity as mother (versus, for example "a lawyer and a mom" when they were still trying to "have it all"). These women love being moms and love their children (and, rightly, consider both vital to society).
Several points I found intriguing were statistics mentioned briefly about "adults with one or two children will spend no more than 5 percent of their adult lives with an infant under one year old, and no more than 20 percent with a child under age five" and that the "typical middle school, high school, or college student, will never have lived in the same house with a human infant, and if so, will not remember it". Also, the fascinating anecdotal correlation between mental health and babies (holding and caring for them), as well as developmental/physical improvement in special needs children through sibling interactions. On a different note, the discussions of "pro-social" virtues learned within a large family, financial feasibility, and marital stability are also important in countering the mainstream, negative narratives.
In the last chapter, almost as an aside, Pakaluk concludes that, though statistically tax credits (etc.) have not reversed falling birth rates, the "policy lesson is simple: the flourishing of traditional religious institutions breaks the low-marriage-low-fertility cycle. People will lay down their comforts, dreams, and selves for God, not for subsidies. If the state can't save the American family, it can give religion a freer rein to try." She clarifies: "Religious freedom as family policy would mean the government's taking a step back from providing human services directly, starting with education, and asking churches to become stronger by doing more." As a Christian, I understand why the "answer" is realigning with God's created order (especially the inherent worth of children, not family size per se), which brings human flourishing, but that will be a hard sell in a post-Christian society ...and doubtless Pakaluk and "the women quietly defying the birth dearth" are all well aware.
My only criticisms are that by the end of the book, it seemed a bit repetitive, and the lengthy quotes from the interviews were at times cumbersome (unedited and lacking nonverbal communication); I think the content overall would have been more effectively communicated as a documentary, specifically with video clips of the interviews. I am also conflicted that the study was specifically of "educated" women: while I understand how this might be considered the most convincing demographic for the cost/benefit factor of having a large family, it does seem to confirm the cultural presupposition that having children (and being a mother) would not be someone's first choice or top priority, as if the "uneducated" woman who simply got married and had a family (without going to college) either did not make a true "choice" and/or did not have a true opportunity to do anything else.
September 24, 2024
Two days ago, after I walked across the store parking lot with my gaggle of small children, an elderly woman walked up to me as the kids climbed into the van.
"Your kids remind me of mine and how I was"-- she gestures to my 5 kids all about two years apart in age and my pregnant belly-- "I have 10." Her smile glowed.
It was such an uncommon experience. When I'm approached in public, it's 99% of the time for someone to tell me, "wow! You're busy!" Or "you have your hands full!"
This comment of hers was so unexpected that I am unsure if I sounded genuine or not, but I truly meant it when I replied, "Really? That is very nice."
She walked away, smiling, and she left me imagining what she was like years ago, when her kids were like mine and she was like me.
I have mixed thoughts about this book. I'm rounding up to 4 stars but I would like to choose somewhere between 3 and 4.. I like the ideas, the thoughts, and variety of women interviewed. It felt like women who were right there with me at many times. I was told this book would be validating and encouraging but I'm not sure I would use those specific words to describe it myself.
There were some interesting statistics shared and analysis of some data. But not near as much as I hoped. The data felt repetitive when I wanted to hear something more. Now for the interviews, that felt like something else entirely. That was not presented like data or facts (which I do think is part of the point).
Something that bothered me was that the interviews didn't seem uniform. It felt like each woman was asked: can you tell me the story of your motherhood? And then we hear the chatting between that mother and the interviewer that feels like you are reading nice Facebook comments in a nice, private, moms' Facebook group of women trying to encourage each other. Which is fine but there is something about the interview format that I was really not fond of in a book.
I had started this as an ebook and did not like the format and switched to audio. I realized what my problem was more clearly by listening to the audio. These women are very modern, American sounding women and probably sound much like I would in the same interview situation. There are so many "like"s and "you know"s and the upward inflection at the end of most dialogue? Like, you know? So, yeah. The audio narrator spoke aloud what I had been hearing in my head and the upwards talking with all vocal fillers left in was hard to keep listening to. The breaking off sentences, the unfinished thoughts. I don't know if I would have preferred it "cleaned up" or not. It was meant to sound more authentic and I will agree that that was probably achieved. I still didn't like it though.
I don't mean to sound so picky but it was something that was very hard to look passed.
Some other thoughts I couldn't help thinking:
I wish I could've heard from more experienced moms farther down the line. I felt the community aspect with these women but would've enjoyed more additional years of experience.
I would've liked to see the author play the devil's advocate more often, for a more full look at things. I think that would've made the discussion more interesting and brought more to the table. And I'm saying this as someone who loves large families.
This is a good conversation starter and did give me some new thoughts. I think at the end of the day, we all still tend to inflate ourselves and are trying to feel validated and important. This book is no exception. (Probably a big reason why I picked it up in the first place.) But I think we all need to learn to be okay with the fact that God sees us and that is enough.
But sometimes, when a woman notices you, comes up to you, and talks about your shared experience, that connection is just something special and sweet.
"Your kids remind me of mine and how I was"-- she gestures to my 5 kids all about two years apart in age and my pregnant belly-- "I have 10." Her smile glowed.
It was such an uncommon experience. When I'm approached in public, it's 99% of the time for someone to tell me, "wow! You're busy!" Or "you have your hands full!"
This comment of hers was so unexpected that I am unsure if I sounded genuine or not, but I truly meant it when I replied, "Really? That is very nice."
She walked away, smiling, and she left me imagining what she was like years ago, when her kids were like mine and she was like me.
I have mixed thoughts about this book. I'm rounding up to 4 stars but I would like to choose somewhere between 3 and 4.. I like the ideas, the thoughts, and variety of women interviewed. It felt like women who were right there with me at many times. I was told this book would be validating and encouraging but I'm not sure I would use those specific words to describe it myself.
There were some interesting statistics shared and analysis of some data. But not near as much as I hoped. The data felt repetitive when I wanted to hear something more. Now for the interviews, that felt like something else entirely. That was not presented like data or facts (which I do think is part of the point).
Something that bothered me was that the interviews didn't seem uniform. It felt like each woman was asked: can you tell me the story of your motherhood? And then we hear the chatting between that mother and the interviewer that feels like you are reading nice Facebook comments in a nice, private, moms' Facebook group of women trying to encourage each other. Which is fine but there is something about the interview format that I was really not fond of in a book.
I had started this as an ebook and did not like the format and switched to audio. I realized what my problem was more clearly by listening to the audio. These women are very modern, American sounding women and probably sound much like I would in the same interview situation. There are so many "like"s and "you know"s and the upward inflection at the end of most dialogue? Like, you know? So, yeah. The audio narrator spoke aloud what I had been hearing in my head and the upwards talking with all vocal fillers left in was hard to keep listening to. The breaking off sentences, the unfinished thoughts. I don't know if I would have preferred it "cleaned up" or not. It was meant to sound more authentic and I will agree that that was probably achieved. I still didn't like it though.
I don't mean to sound so picky but it was something that was very hard to look passed.
Some other thoughts I couldn't help thinking:
I wish I could've heard from more experienced moms farther down the line. I felt the community aspect with these women but would've enjoyed more additional years of experience.
I would've liked to see the author play the devil's advocate more often, for a more full look at things. I think that would've made the discussion more interesting and brought more to the table. And I'm saying this as someone who loves large families.
This is a good conversation starter and did give me some new thoughts. I think at the end of the day, we all still tend to inflate ourselves and are trying to feel validated and important. This book is no exception. (Probably a big reason why I picked it up in the first place.) But I think we all need to learn to be okay with the fact that God sees us and that is enough.
But sometimes, when a woman notices you, comes up to you, and talks about your shared experience, that connection is just something special and sweet.
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