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Mission Earth #6
Death Quest
Kinky killers.
Exploding speedboats.
$2 billion paternity suits.
It’s love Voltarian-style . . . and planet Earth is feeling the heat.
Voltarian Royal Officer Jettero Heller will go to any length to protect his beloved Countess Krak. He’ll race up the eastern seaboard pursued by the entire Coast Guard. He’ll smash boats, he’ll set off bombs, he’ll fight off every paternity suit that comes his way. . . .
But Apparatus Officer Soltan Gris is just as determined to put the Countess out of commission—for good—and he’s found the perfect hit man for the job. Well, almost perfect. This particular Torpedo has one little kink. He takes a bit of an unhealthy interest in his victims . . . after he kills them.
And as if Gris didn’t have enough on his plate, wedding bells are ringing. The Voltarian stud is about to tie the knot—with two women!
Yes, love is a battlefield. But in this warped war of twisted desires, perverse passions and unholy alliances—the entire Mission Earth enterprise could soon morph into a truly decadent DEATH QUEST.
“Remember how you felt the first time you saw Star Wars? This book will do it to you again.” —ORSON SCOTT CARD
Exploding speedboats.
$2 billion paternity suits.
It’s love Voltarian-style . . . and planet Earth is feeling the heat.
Voltarian Royal Officer Jettero Heller will go to any length to protect his beloved Countess Krak. He’ll race up the eastern seaboard pursued by the entire Coast Guard. He’ll smash boats, he’ll set off bombs, he’ll fight off every paternity suit that comes his way. . . .
But Apparatus Officer Soltan Gris is just as determined to put the Countess out of commission—for good—and he’s found the perfect hit man for the job. Well, almost perfect. This particular Torpedo has one little kink. He takes a bit of an unhealthy interest in his victims . . . after he kills them.
And as if Gris didn’t have enough on his plate, wedding bells are ringing. The Voltarian stud is about to tie the knot—with two women!
Yes, love is a battlefield. But in this warped war of twisted desires, perverse passions and unholy alliances—the entire Mission Earth enterprise could soon morph into a truly decadent DEATH QUEST.
“Remember how you felt the first time you saw Star Wars? This book will do it to you again.” —ORSON SCOTT CARD
391 pages, Paperback
First published May 28, 1986
About the author
L. Ron Hubbard
1,375 books547 followersLafayette Ronald Hubbard
With 19 New York Times bestsellers and more than 350 million copies of his works in circulation, L. Ron Hubbard is among the most enduring and widely read authors of our time. As a leading light of American Pulp Fiction through the 1930s and '40s, he is further among the most influential authors of the modern age. Indeed, from Ray Bradbury to Stephen King, there is scarcely a master of imaginative tales who has not paid tribute to L. Ron Hubbard.
Then too, of course, there is all L. Ron Hubbard represents as the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology and thus the only major religion born in the 20th century.
While, as such, he presents the culmination of science and spiritual technology as embodied in the religion of Scientology.
For an in-depth look at his life, visit www.LRonHubbard.org
With 19 New York Times bestsellers and more than 350 million copies of his works in circulation, L. Ron Hubbard is among the most enduring and widely read authors of our time. As a leading light of American Pulp Fiction through the 1930s and '40s, he is further among the most influential authors of the modern age. Indeed, from Ray Bradbury to Stephen King, there is scarcely a master of imaginative tales who has not paid tribute to L. Ron Hubbard.
Then too, of course, there is all L. Ron Hubbard represents as the Founder of Dianetics and Scientology and thus the only major religion born in the 20th century.
While, as such, he presents the culmination of science and spiritual technology as embodied in the religion of Scientology.
For an in-depth look at his life, visit www.LRonHubbard.org
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
March 11, 2013
Same old piece of crap! Another 6th book of the so called Science Fiction Dekalogy! But as I have mentioned on my previous Mission Earth reviews; I still want to finish this shitty series no matter how bad it is! Just like the other not so wanted books that I've read before. Now I know why there's a bunch of this 10 series books on the loads of second hand book store.
December 18, 2011
I am really trying to stay positive. I started the series and like to see things through to the end. But I have not been able to force myself to continue reading this book in a couple of months.
Update: just could not finish it. And I don't regret that.
Update: just could not finish it. And I don't regret that.
January 7, 2020
In the first part of the book, Soltan Gris states, "[The Countess Krak] was ... sabotaging my sabotaging at every turn. Not through any skill, mind you. She was just lucky. All women are. They just don’t have the brains. They just cause trouble for men." If this statement doesn't guarantee the departure of all female readers (especially after Books 4 & 5), then I don't know what would.
Not enough to turn you off? How about Gris spending all $4,000 of his money on clothes? Nobody is that stupid, but L. Ron Hubbard seems to think Gris is. Hubbard has gone from implausible to absurd. Speaking of absurd, Gris turns an entire pack of lesbians into heterosexuals with no sexual prowess to speak of (unless you count his over-sized manhood).
The final nail in the coffin (pun intended) is the re-introduction of Torpedo Fiaccola, a necrophiliac hit man. I thought the S&M in Books 4 & 5 was disconcerting, but this is a new low.
If you can get past all that, the book actually has some decent content about halfway through (Part 47). We actually get back to Jettero & Krak. I must admit, I don't hate Jettero Heller as much as I did in the beginning. He seems more real now - even with his unreal super powers. The Countess Krak is a big problem though. The author couldn't make up his mind if Krak was a "dumb blonde" or a brilliant ally. She goes back and forth, but mostly, she's stupid.
To sum up, I give the beginning of the book a 0 and the second half a 2, so that averages out to a 1. My advice is to not read this book at all, but if you must, skip everything until you find the word Heller or Krak. The only reason I continue is the reading quest to finish the series.
Not enough to turn you off? How about Gris spending all $4,000 of his money on clothes? Nobody is that stupid, but L. Ron Hubbard seems to think Gris is. Hubbard has gone from implausible to absurd. Speaking of absurd, Gris turns an entire pack of lesbians into heterosexuals with no sexual prowess to speak of (unless you count his over-sized manhood).
The final nail in the coffin (pun intended) is the re-introduction of Torpedo Fiaccola, a necrophiliac hit man. I thought the S&M in Books 4 & 5 was disconcerting, but this is a new low.
If you can get past all that, the book actually has some decent content about halfway through (Part 47). We actually get back to Jettero & Krak. I must admit, I don't hate Jettero Heller as much as I did in the beginning. He seems more real now - even with his unreal super powers. The Countess Krak is a big problem though. The author couldn't make up his mind if Krak was a "dumb blonde" or a brilliant ally. She goes back and forth, but mostly, she's stupid.
To sum up, I give the beginning of the book a 0 and the second half a 2, so that averages out to a 1. My advice is to not read this book at all, but if you must, skip everything until you find the word Heller or Krak. The only reason I continue is the reading quest to finish the series.
October 16, 2020
This sixth volume in the Mission Earth series once again does not disappoint. What I love about these books is the foresight and power of observation of our current planet and political systems the author had when writing these books.
Nowadays, I can’t even watch more than a few minutes of a Netflix series without being bombarded with deviant sex and such likes. We have the #MeToo movement, the Jimmy Savilles, on and on and on. This particular Mission Earth volume takes a satirical poke at that aspect of our current civilisation.
Classics such as 1984 and Brave New World offered incredible prediction and foresight while being rather serious novels. Similarly, the Mission Earth series somehow manage to take a view at many of the more unpalatable aspects of humankind in the 21st century with great power of observation and foresight, but somehow deal with them in a satirical, often laugh-out loud manner. It’s quite a feat of writing. Certainly worth a read.
Nowadays, I can’t even watch more than a few minutes of a Netflix series without being bombarded with deviant sex and such likes. We have the #MeToo movement, the Jimmy Savilles, on and on and on. This particular Mission Earth volume takes a satirical poke at that aspect of our current civilisation.
Classics such as 1984 and Brave New World offered incredible prediction and foresight while being rather serious novels. Similarly, the Mission Earth series somehow manage to take a view at many of the more unpalatable aspects of humankind in the 21st century with great power of observation and foresight, but somehow deal with them in a satirical, often laugh-out loud manner. It’s quite a feat of writing. Certainly worth a read.
November 12, 2020
That's actually the word I was looking for: decadent.
That's a story about aliens (some good, some bad) who come to Earth and find Earthlings (some good, some bad) at a time when the Western civilization is becoming degraded, perverted and nuts.
And it is fine that Voltar keeps saying that Earth doesn't exist because of that, but look at what they are doing on Voltar?
They have the same civilization ills, and by the way, Voltarians have themselves invaded an entire system and destroyed what was there before to install their own people and culture.
Maybe it is the same story all over the universe.
What's happening to me? Am I becoming bright?
That's a story about aliens (some good, some bad) who come to Earth and find Earthlings (some good, some bad) at a time when the Western civilization is becoming degraded, perverted and nuts.
And it is fine that Voltar keeps saying that Earth doesn't exist because of that, but look at what they are doing on Voltar?
They have the same civilization ills, and by the way, Voltarians have themselves invaded an entire system and destroyed what was there before to install their own people and culture.
Maybe it is the same story all over the universe.
What's happening to me? Am I becoming bright?
March 24, 2019
Wow! I read it 4 times now. Just amazing. It has everything. Aliens, the CIA, FBO, Rockefeller, the Illuminati, Mafia, Nazis, KGB, finances, the stock market, Wal street, PR, press, fake news, media, Homosexuality, sex, politics, intergalactic warfare -- earth in its fullest picture. YOU NAME IT. It is there!
The hero is awesome, and his girl is a bombshell (but you better do not mess with her).
It is all there - everything you would ever want from such an Epic! A 1.1 million words series -- 996 characters in 10 volumes! Wow! Fantastic! I lost a lot of sleep! It is that good!
The hero is awesome, and his girl is a bombshell (but you better do not mess with her).
It is all there - everything you would ever want from such an Epic! A 1.1 million words series -- 996 characters in 10 volumes! Wow! Fantastic! I lost a lot of sleep! It is that good!
April 15, 2019
This is still retreading the same basic patterns of the last couple of volumes, only now I’m really creeped out by the writer’s attitudes towards sex (presuming those aren’t just those of Gris, but I don’t think that’s the case). I’m hoping that tones down or it might just not be worth finishing the series.
October 29, 2020
I guess this volume poses the question of which is worse: having the worlds most terrifying public relations agent trying to make you famous against your will or an insane mafia hit man in the employ of the CIA trying to kill you. Yes, it is funny and it is satire but it is no so far off from the headlines we are reading in 2020. This is a good one!
July 29, 2019
Death quest kinmy
The author wrote well about his characters very good , reflecting on human
Weaknesses with sex, on s!ants in loneliness and needs of sex vs other methods as drinking , pot or druvgs. It is better to abstain as the mormons
The author wrote well about his characters very good , reflecting on human
Weaknesses with sex, on s!ants in loneliness and needs of sex vs other methods as drinking , pot or druvgs. It is better to abstain as the mormons
December 4, 2023
This one is like the prior 5 ones, 5 stars!
It's not just like a fictional story but something we are currently living in our lives. And great insights on how to deal with social problems we have nowadays.
It's not just like a fictional story but something we are currently living in our lives. And great insights on how to deal with social problems we have nowadays.
October 21, 2020
This continues the story with the hero, Jettero Heller, trying to save earth and his love, Countess Krak, and the detestable, but entertaining, Soltan Gris, working on satisfying his own needs!
May 6, 2021
A Dems nightmare
This series is a democrats nightmare. If one ever reads them the author will be cancelled faster than Doctor Seuss was.
This series is a democrats nightmare. If one ever reads them the author will be cancelled faster than Doctor Seuss was.
August 28, 2022
Series was fun to read. Nothing all that serious, but fun nonetheless.
September 1, 2022
Offensive garbage.
July 20, 2014
Can this series get any worse?
1 Apr 2012
It seems that the titles of these books are beginning to become as bad as the books themselves. In a way after the forth book they did not really get much worse, but they didn't get much better either. As has been mentioned numerous times, the bad guy Soltan Gris has no redeemable features about him and the good guy, Jethro, is simply too good to be believable. Not only that but he is an incredibly talented character (almost a little too talented for some people's tastes, or even believability) and can pretty much do anything. He sets himself up on Earth through the use of a multinational corporation, and smuggles a camera into a casino that can look into the future and then use the results to get more money (I really wish I had one of those, I wonder if there is an app for that?).
I think that by this book, or at least by the end of this book, Earth is pretty much destroyed and the action moves back into the galactic empire, but what happens is that a marketing executive goes back with the good guy and begins to teach the empire about marketing. This is sort of where Hubbard's arguments begin to hit the road, and that is that Psychiatry, Psychology, and Marketing are the unholy trinity that is destroying our world. Okay, I have said before that the use of drugs in Psychiatry (and I see vans and signs everywhere were people are protesting about the psychiatric mind control that society is inflicting upon us) and have also raised a defence against psychology, however I have left marketing to the side. Now my definition of marketing is the art of convincing somebody that they desperately need something that they really do not want and to then get them to hand over ridiculous amounts of money to get it. Sometimes it involves going into debt to get it, and by going into debt, one ends up becoming an economic slave to the debtholder.
Now I am not a big fan of marketing, however it is a necessary evil if one wants to produce something for sale. To be honest if you develop the world's best product but do not market it properly then all of your efforts in inventing it will come to naught. People need to be convinced that they need your product, otherwise they will not purchase it. In other cases you must convince people that your product is better than the competition's, otherwise they will see no reason not to get your competitor's product. As such I am in two minds about the whole system, but once again I am not a big fan on luring people into debt slavery. That is probably why I could never realistically work in a bank. I have spoken to people who have done so and your performance is measured simply by signing up as many loans as possible. If you do not sign up a loan then you are not a productive worker.
I once worked as a door to door salesperson selling vacuum cleaners. These were good vacuum cleaners, I still believe that, but they were also hideously expensive. One of the reasons that they were hideously expensive was that so many people were being paid commission on one sale. There would be me, the salesperson, the person on the phone, the team leader, and the general manager. As well as that, there were also commissions being paid to people higher up the chain. Now, for a businessman commission is a very good, and cheap, way to pay your sales staff, however if you throw on too many commissions, then the price simply goes up. In the end the only person who suffers is the customer.
Now while I did believe in the quality of the vacuum cleaner, I did not believe in the methods that the company employed to sell them. As such I turned out to be a bad salesperson. It would be the same with a bank, I just do not like the idea of luring people into debt and turning them into slaves. Hell, people are more than capable of doing that without my help. However, we live in a capitalist society (though not a true free capitalist state, it is actually more of a socialist state in that the means of production is controlled by a few and that this oligarchy effectively rules) and that means that we have the ability to create products and the sell them to the populace. With the rise of the internet this has become even easier, however, as I mentioned before, without a good marketing strategy, the product will be doomed to failure. Fortunately I do not desire to market a product that is hideously expensive.
In a way Hubbard is right to be concerned about his unholy trinity, particularly psychologists who do not want to let go of their patients. However I do not think that they are the prime causes of the state of the world. No, that is human sin, or to put it in a less jargonish term, human selfishness. We are only interested in ourselves and only interested in pleasing ourselves and feathering our own nests. If that means that we hurt those around us, well who cares, they are not us. Jesus showed the way out, but they killed him. However, it was all part of the plan.
1 Apr 2012
It seems that the titles of these books are beginning to become as bad as the books themselves. In a way after the forth book they did not really get much worse, but they didn't get much better either. As has been mentioned numerous times, the bad guy Soltan Gris has no redeemable features about him and the good guy, Jethro, is simply too good to be believable. Not only that but he is an incredibly talented character (almost a little too talented for some people's tastes, or even believability) and can pretty much do anything. He sets himself up on Earth through the use of a multinational corporation, and smuggles a camera into a casino that can look into the future and then use the results to get more money (I really wish I had one of those, I wonder if there is an app for that?).
I think that by this book, or at least by the end of this book, Earth is pretty much destroyed and the action moves back into the galactic empire, but what happens is that a marketing executive goes back with the good guy and begins to teach the empire about marketing. This is sort of where Hubbard's arguments begin to hit the road, and that is that Psychiatry, Psychology, and Marketing are the unholy trinity that is destroying our world. Okay, I have said before that the use of drugs in Psychiatry (and I see vans and signs everywhere were people are protesting about the psychiatric mind control that society is inflicting upon us) and have also raised a defence against psychology, however I have left marketing to the side. Now my definition of marketing is the art of convincing somebody that they desperately need something that they really do not want and to then get them to hand over ridiculous amounts of money to get it. Sometimes it involves going into debt to get it, and by going into debt, one ends up becoming an economic slave to the debtholder.
Now I am not a big fan of marketing, however it is a necessary evil if one wants to produce something for sale. To be honest if you develop the world's best product but do not market it properly then all of your efforts in inventing it will come to naught. People need to be convinced that they need your product, otherwise they will not purchase it. In other cases you must convince people that your product is better than the competition's, otherwise they will see no reason not to get your competitor's product. As such I am in two minds about the whole system, but once again I am not a big fan on luring people into debt slavery. That is probably why I could never realistically work in a bank. I have spoken to people who have done so and your performance is measured simply by signing up as many loans as possible. If you do not sign up a loan then you are not a productive worker.
I once worked as a door to door salesperson selling vacuum cleaners. These were good vacuum cleaners, I still believe that, but they were also hideously expensive. One of the reasons that they were hideously expensive was that so many people were being paid commission on one sale. There would be me, the salesperson, the person on the phone, the team leader, and the general manager. As well as that, there were also commissions being paid to people higher up the chain. Now, for a businessman commission is a very good, and cheap, way to pay your sales staff, however if you throw on too many commissions, then the price simply goes up. In the end the only person who suffers is the customer.
Now while I did believe in the quality of the vacuum cleaner, I did not believe in the methods that the company employed to sell them. As such I turned out to be a bad salesperson. It would be the same with a bank, I just do not like the idea of luring people into debt and turning them into slaves. Hell, people are more than capable of doing that without my help. However, we live in a capitalist society (though not a true free capitalist state, it is actually more of a socialist state in that the means of production is controlled by a few and that this oligarchy effectively rules) and that means that we have the ability to create products and the sell them to the populace. With the rise of the internet this has become even easier, however, as I mentioned before, without a good marketing strategy, the product will be doomed to failure. Fortunately I do not desire to market a product that is hideously expensive.
In a way Hubbard is right to be concerned about his unholy trinity, particularly psychologists who do not want to let go of their patients. However I do not think that they are the prime causes of the state of the world. No, that is human sin, or to put it in a less jargonish term, human selfishness. We are only interested in ourselves and only interested in pleasing ourselves and feathering our own nests. If that means that we hurt those around us, well who cares, they are not us. Jesus showed the way out, but they killed him. However, it was all part of the plan.
May 4, 2015
The Mission Earth series is a big, bloated, fun and funny dekalogy* of pulp and satire and non-stop action. It's not a serious work, nor was it intended to be; I believe Hubbard wrote it simply out of fondness for the field, the way it was when he was beginning his career. He surely didn't need the money. It lampoons everything from economics to law enforcement to crime to space opera to science and all stops in between. It's not a particularly well-written work of literature, but is engaging and interesting and, despite the length, fairly fast-paced throughout. It was de rigueur in the publications of the field when it first appeared to vilify it entirely, I suspect both because of who Hubbard was and the old-fashioned themes and tropes of the work... not to mention the ubiquitous advertising campaign that surrounded the publication with the ever-present asterisk definition that I just couldn't resist reproducing here. However, I decided to see what all the fuss had been about and gave it a shot, thought it was fun, and read the whole thing straight through one summer. It was fun; I liked it.
*A series of ten books.
*A series of ten books.
October 4, 2020
Our savior comes from Voltar
Split in ten volumes for editorial (and practical) reasons, the Mission Earth series can be seen as a continuous narrative whose chapters are identified by the different books. This “space operatish” saga (not a lot of space travels, but alien technological gizmos are everywhere!) will follow the comically clumsy actions of corrupted Voltarian agent Soltan Gris as he narrates his attempts to sabotage and destroy the brave Jettero Heller, another native from planet Voltar, bent on “cleaning” the polluted planet Earth to meet voltarian colonial standards. The extremely grotesque way used to paint earthlings' corruption and other... “faults”, however, becomes rapidly a double-edged weapon for reader’s appreciation and may cause some annoyance if the comments read are not thought coming from the corrupted alien venting in his journal, but from the author himself trying to slip his personal (Scientology's) propaganda into the narrative. The suggestion here is to forget the author and have a long light-hearted read, laughing at alien stupidity and their lack in understanding human complexity!
Split in ten volumes for editorial (and practical) reasons, the Mission Earth series can be seen as a continuous narrative whose chapters are identified by the different books. This “space operatish” saga (not a lot of space travels, but alien technological gizmos are everywhere!) will follow the comically clumsy actions of corrupted Voltarian agent Soltan Gris as he narrates his attempts to sabotage and destroy the brave Jettero Heller, another native from planet Voltar, bent on “cleaning” the polluted planet Earth to meet voltarian colonial standards. The extremely grotesque way used to paint earthlings' corruption and other... “faults”, however, becomes rapidly a double-edged weapon for reader’s appreciation and may cause some annoyance if the comments read are not thought coming from the corrupted alien venting in his journal, but from the author himself trying to slip his personal (Scientology's) propaganda into the narrative. The suggestion here is to forget the author and have a long light-hearted read, laughing at alien stupidity and their lack in understanding human complexity!
February 10, 2016
While not as totally horrible as the Battlefield Earth book these aren't that great. There are some good plots themes and a sorta pulpish feel to the characters, but overall it seems to fall short of what it could be. The story seems to ramble and could have been cut by 1/3 and still got the point across. The random sex and sadistic events just seem to be placed in there not for storyline but for shock value. Not recommended
February 21, 2015
Take all ten of these books and boil 'em down all night... no, leave it on the burner for a whole week. Reduce it too a thick dense sticky sauce. And still, this will have very little flavour.
There was the seed of a decent parody in there within the first two books then the joke was over. The joke became, "...let's make it ten books, just so we could call it a "dekalogy".
There was the seed of a decent parody in there within the first two books then the joke was over. The joke became, "...let's make it ten books, just so we could call it a "dekalogy".
January 16, 2012
At this point, finishing the series became something I was forcing myself to do. What makes a good science fiction novel? If you answered 'lots and lots of necrophilia', then you're wrong. So, so wrong.
May 17, 2012
when I read this, I thought I was the main character.. not Jethro Heller but the evil Soltan Gris.
I don't why I always identified with him, since he is really a slimy bastard of a guy, perhaps its because he was always an underdog so I identified with him.
I don't why I always identified with him, since he is really a slimy bastard of a guy, perhaps its because he was always an underdog so I identified with him.
July 29, 2016
I read these in high school and found them compelling, but as I reflect on them, I recall them being rather stupid, oversexed, and pointless. That I never finished the series is pretty telling, I think.
Read
February 14, 2008Great series very funny
July 7, 2008
Not good...
March 30, 2009
I don't like this story, but I hate leaving a series unfinished. I know that I will read the last four books, but I will regret it.
July 19, 2009
Great Series of Science Fiction novels.
December 28, 2013
Totally strange but I was seriously annoyed when I realized I had reached the end of the book. I have to rush out and get book 7. =/ Hehe. =)
October 22, 2014
more of the same. lightly amusing look at the legal system and the media. will complete the set
January 29, 2009
Mission Earth
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews