“Welcome to Dead House” is the second book by R.L. Stine that I have ever read, and here is a few things that I have already determined as to why he i“Welcome to Dead House” is the second book by R.L. Stine that I have ever read, and here is a few things that I have already determined as to why he is as popular as he is:
1) Stine knows that parents don’t listen to kids, or if they do, they really can’t do anything to help. Parents are basically ineffectual creatures, as kind and loving as they are sometimes. Truth is: kids are on their own out in the world.
2) Stine knows something that most, if not all, adults tend to forget or ignore: kids are a lot smarter than they are given credit for. They have to be, after all. (See #1.)
3) Stine understands kids’ basic fear and mistrust of all adults. Let’s face it: your parents are no good against zombies, killer dolls, or blob monsters. That’s a given. But even worse than ineffectual parents are those other adults. You know: your science teacher, your church pastor, the garbage man, that old creepy guy who lives two doors down. They all have something to hide, and you know it. No adult can adequately be trusted.
4) Stine tells it like it is. He isn’t going to sugarcoat it for the “sensitive” kids. Those kids are always the first ones to be slaughtered anyway. No, Stine’s target audience may be kids ages 9 to 13, but he’s not gonna dumb anything down. (See #2.) He’s also not gonna necessarily end everything on a happy note. Because that ain’t real life, kids. It’s best that you learn that lesson now…
5) Stine is actually a decent writer. He'll probably never win a Pulitzer, but he’s writing at a reading level for middle school age children and tweens, and that doesn’t mean his stories can’t be enjoyed by older kids or adults. Stine is a ten times better writer than James Patterson any day of the week. Indeed, I think Stine could hold his own against Stephen King or Brian Keene, and I think those guys are the best in the horror biz. For what he does, Stine does it really well, and I’m a converted Stine fan....more
“The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb” is the first Goosebumps book I have ever read. Ever. I’ll let that statement sink in for a few minutes.
I know what you“The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb” is the first Goosebumps book I have ever read. Ever. I’ll let that statement sink in for a few minutes.
I know what you are thinking: How could you have not read even one of the most popular kids’ horror book series in publishing history? One that is, since the first published book in the series back in 1992, still going and still immensely popular?
I dunno. Seriously. I don’t know how I’ve managed to miss this series. One of those weird little things in life. It’s like that one guy I know who has never seen a Star Wars movie. It’s bewildering, I know.
But, I’ve done it. I’ve read my first, and it wasn’t bad. In fact, it was kind of fun. I suppose if I was in middle school, it would be awesome.
I have no idea where this book fits in the series. I think it’s, like, the fifth or the seventh. Not that it matters. They all kind of stand alone, without having to necessarily read them in order.
In “TCotMT”, Gabe is on a vacation with his parents in Egypt. Gabe’s an Egyptian-American, so he has family that live in the country. One of those relatives is his Uncle Ben, an archaeologist who works at the famous Pyramids. He’s excited when he gets to spend a day working on a dig with his uncle, exploring the many tunnels within and under the Great Pyramids. Not so exciting is having to spend the day with his annoying older cousin, Sari. The two inadvertently stumble upon a mystery when one of the workers tries to kidnap them. They escape from this man, Ahmed, but end up lost in a tunnel that lands them in a room full of hundreds of mummies. And they’re all coming to life!
Seriously, if I was in the target demographic—-ages 9-14—-this book would actually be pretty spooky. As someone considerably older, it was still kind of spooky, although certainly tamer than what I look for in a horror novel.
Still, I liked it enough to want to read more Goosebumps. My daughter, who is 8, refuses to read them, as they “look too scary”. That’s fine. I’ll try to convince her in a few more years…...more
Maybe I’m showing my age, but I remember a time when vampires were actually scary and cool, long before Stephenie Meyer ruined vampires for everybody.Maybe I’m showing my age, but I remember a time when vampires were actually scary and cool, long before Stephenie Meyer ruined vampires for everybody. I grew up in a time when (Okay, sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a grumpy old man here…) vampires weren’t heart-throbs or emo snowflakes or looked like Jared Leto. I remember when vampires would rip your throats out and they looked like Keifer Sutherland.
I guess the heyday of “cool” vampires was the ‘80s; when Anne Rice churned out a series of vampire novels that were consistently on best-seller lists; when movies like “Fright Night”, “The Lost Boys”, “Near Dark”, and “Lifeforce” were frightening audiences by reinventing the vampire mythos; when vampires were Goth and sexy and bisexual and threatening. (It was the 80s, which was an extremely homophobic era in which being gay, transgender, or “gender-fluid” was simply too much for the average person’s mind to comprehend or accept, so vampires kind of became an acceptable way of talking about the issues without really talking about the issues.)
In the early 90s, Poppy Z. Brite arrived on the scene with a series of vampire novels, the first published being “Lost Souls”. Brite (who goes by the name Billy Martin, and the pronouns “he/him”, nowadays) was writing for a particular audience: teenagers and young adults who didn’t quite fit in in a heterocentric world. His characters were often frightened, abused, or misunderstood children simply trying to find connection, albeit a sexual, platonic, or spiritual one. They often found the wrong kind of connection with otherworldly or supernatural creatures that took advantage of their fears and sense of isolation.
Here’s the kicker: Brite is a helluva beautiful writer. I say this only because he was writing in a genre—-and during an era of that particular genre—-in which beautiful writing didn’t always get recognized. Indeed, in some cases, stellar prose writing was often a negative in a genre where some fans extolled the amount of gore and body-counts rather than character development and plot.
And I’m ashamed to say that I’m just now, in 2022, reading my first Brite novel.
I’m not gonna lie: “Lost Souls” is fucking awesome. It perfectly captures a time and place in American history that I remember clearly. (Okay, somewhat clearly, as I was drunk through quite a bit of it.) I never embraced the Goth scene, but I had many crushes on goth-chicks, many of whom either thought (or at least wished) that they were vampires or white witches. Hell, reading this book even brought to mind the soundtrack of that very specific time-frame: Bauhaus, David Bowie, the Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees. I feel like I’ve been to some of the seedy, dimly-lit bars and hovels that the kids in this book hang out in. I remember lusting after, and clumsily fondling, the “boy/girls” or “girl/boys” that could have been either Siouxsie Sioux or Robert Smith. I didn’t care: I loved them both.
I suppose it helps that I’m reading this book now, at age 50, where my sense of self and sexual identity is far more firmly established, rather than when it first came out, when I was 20, where it wasn’t. My take-away would have been much different then. Today, I look at these kids in this book from the perspective of a father, wanting to give them hugs and letting them know that they weren’t exempt or boycotted from love and acceptance.
I would very much love to see what happened to Ghost and Steve and Nothing, thirty years later....more
Darkness is borne in the most unexpected of places. Take, for example, Elizabeth Engstrom. A petite blonde housewife, Engstrom wowed legendary sci-fi Darkness is borne in the most unexpected of places. Take, for example, Elizabeth Engstrom. A petite blonde housewife, Engstrom wowed legendary sci-fi author Theodore Sturgeon in a writer’s workshop so much that he actually got her an agent to publish her chilling horror novel “When Darkness Loves Us”.
Like anyone who read it, Sturgeon was probably so taken aback and horrified that this story could emanate from any human mind, let alone one so presumably unassuming as Engstrom’s. It is one of the most weird and disturbing and nightmarish stories I have ever read. Also, like Sturgeon, I loved it.
Originally published in 1983, “When Darkness Loves Us” was reprinted in 2019 under Grady Hendrix’s Paperbacks From Hell series of reprints from Valancourt Books.
There are actually two novellas for the price of one in this. The first novella, “WDLU”, is about a pregnant woman who falls down a well and lives underground for 30 years. Obviously, there is more to this story, but to say more would be spoilers.
The second story, “Beauty Is…”, is both a heart-breaking and cringe-inducing story about Martha, a mentally-retarded woman living in a huge house by herself after her caretaker mother passes away. (I’m using the politically-incorrect term “mentally-retarded�� rather than the more acceptable “cognitively-challenged” only because the book takes place in the ‘80s, when the former label was the so-called “correct” terminology.)
Things start to get weird when a friendly young man in the neighborhood named Leon gets overly-friendly one night. Changes start to happen to Martha, not all of them bad necessarily. As we learn in flashbacks, some of the changes may have to do with her mother’s unique God-given gifts of healing.
Again, I won’t and can’t say anything more. These simply have to be read to be believed.
Besides having a crazy imagination, Engstrom was a writer of butter-smooth prose, which almost helps in making her horrific stories more palatable. Almost.
Be forewarned: these stories are not for the weak-stomached or the easily-triggered....more
Patrick Bateman, it must be noted, had an unusual obsession with Donald Trump. Indeed, Trump is mentioned at least a dozen times throughout Bret EastoPatrick Bateman, it must be noted, had an unusual obsession with Donald Trump. Indeed, Trump is mentioned at least a dozen times throughout Bret Easton Ellis’s now-iconic 1991 novel “American Psycho”. I’m just throwing that fact out because it seems significant.
Indeed, Ellis’s novel—-controversial when it was first published—-still seems significant now, in 2023, for reasons that are not dissimilar to the reasons cited 33 years ago.
I did not read the book 33 years ago. I was graduating high school when the book came out. My summer of ’91 was occupied with packing for college and living with that nervous excitement that precedes a major life-change: freshman year of college. I didn’t have time to read it, even if I wanted to, which I didn’t. In fact, the book was never really on my radar.
Oh, I had heard about it, and when I arrived on campus and met new friends, many of whom were far more literate than myself, I overheard the conversations about how misogynistic and racist and homophobic the book was, and how vile Ellis must be. I would never read such a book, and anyone who did (and, God forbid, liked it) must be the worst kind of disgusting monster, the type who probably voted for George H.W. Bush and liked war and date rape and celebrated awful holidays like Columbus Day, which was nothing more than a celebration of imperialism and genocide. (This is how I talked in college. Not because I actually necessarily believed this shit, but mostly because I was trying to get cute college girls to play with my penis, and most of them talked like this, too.)
It would be three decades before I picked up “American Psycho” and actually read it. And, weirdly, liked it.
Nobody told me that it was hilarious. The fact that it is a very funny, very dark satirical comedy seemed to have been skipped over or ignored in the many conversations I had had about the book.
Also, I was old enough and mature enough as a reader to now distinguish the fact that the virulent misogyny/racism/homophobia evident in the book was not coming from Ellis but was, in fact, a symptom of the protagonist’s psychosis. Ellis did such a good job of getting in the head of a deplorable, soulless, homicidal monster that, I now recognize, many readers came away thinking that Ellis was the monster. People also often forget that Frankenstein was the name of the monster’s creator and not the monster itself.
Being more well-read than I was as a freshman in college, I saw the blatant allusions to Jane Austen, and how Ellis was painting a satirical picture of the vapid and shallow consumer culture of the “Me-First” rich white upper class. I saw in Patrick Bateman the parody of Oliver Stone’s 1987 film “Wall Street”, in which greed and self-interest is played up as a virtue in Michael Douglas’s character, Gordon Gekko. I understood where the obsession that Bateman had with serial killers like Ed Gein and Ted Bundy came from, as serial killers were kind of all the rage in the ‘90s.
I even saw the parallels between “American Psycho” and Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick”, in which Bateman—-clearly Ahab—-suffers from an obsessive-compulsive quest to find his own white whale: a conscience or any kind of emotion that would make him feel human in some way. New York City and Wall Street become, for Bateman, the rough seas that he must sail. His vicious and inhuman murders become a kind of religious rite he uses to summon something—-anything—-lurking beneath his superficial existence. I even understood the three chapters in which Bateman extolls the discographies of Phil Collins, Whitney Houston, and Huey Lewis and the News: three of the most popular and, in many ways, vapidly commercial artists of the ‘80s. They are the epitome of shallowness, which describes Bateman to a ’t’.
And, of course, the constant references to Trump (which, since the book was written 20 years before Trump had any vocal designs of being President, is simply bizarrely prescient), a man who, even at that time, was a human imprimatur of everything sleazy and gauche regarding the wealthy, are voluminously apropos.
The book still shocks. For today’s post-Trump post-Covid audience, that’s definitely a good thing. If the book didn’t shock or disgust readers, that would be too horrible to contemplate.
I can understand why this book is much loved and much hated. It’s not a book that would engender mild feelings of indifference or “meh” in anyone who reads it. One either loves it or hates it.
I’m on the “love” side, and it’s because I understand what Ellis was trying to say. He was expressing a disgust and hatred for a warped sense of reality and dark side of humanity that he saw hiding in plain sight and that could only grow into something more dangerous—-and, in fact, did under Trump’s presidency. For this reason—-and all of the others previously cited—-“American Psycho” is, in my opinion, a vital American literary classic....more
Joan Samson’s 1977 novel “The Auctioneer” is the epitome of a slow burn horror novel. Indeed, the first half (let’s be honest: the first 80%) doesn’t Joan Samson’s 1977 novel “The Auctioneer” is the epitome of a slow burn horror novel. Indeed, the first half (let’s be honest: the first 80%) doesn’t even feel like a horror novel. If anything, it reads like a John Steinbeck novel; almost like a non-fiction examination of the Death of the American Farm. It almost reads like the kind of book Upton Sinclair would have written had he been alive in the late-70s.
Sadly, Samson died of a brain tumor just a few short months after publication. It was her first and only novel. She would not live to see it’s short-lived success. The book itself sold well for a time, even getting some bites from Hollywood for a potential film adaptation, but nothing ever came of it.
Then, in 2017, a horror novelist named Grady Hendrix published a coffee-table book called “Paperbacks From Hell”, a love letter to the renaissance of bizarro horror novels published throughout the ’70 and ‘80s. Ridiculously popular and a booming industry, horror paperbacks had its heyday by the mid- to late-80s, eventually petering out in popularity by the mid-90s. Samson’s novel “The Auctioneer” was one of the many novels upon which Hendrix lavished praise.
According to Hendrix, “The Auctioneer” survived as a cult classic, being talked about in book clubs and in college dorms long past its original publication date. Something about the book struck a chord, albeit a disturbing one.
The story follows a normal hard-working American farm family, the Moores. John is the patriarch who works the fields. Mim is his hard-working wife who does the housework and raising their daughter, Hildie. Ma is the elderly matriarch of the family, John’s mother. They live a peaceful, happy life in the country, in a small-town community called Harlowe, New Hampshire. They do not want for anything, as they have everything they need, all of it stemming from the fact that they own an impressive plot of land, one that has been in the family for generations.
But, as they say: All good things must come to an end. And the End comes with the arrival of Perly Dunsmore, the smooth-talking auctioneer. He has big plans for Harlowe. Some of those plans may be well-intentioned, but you all know the expression about good intentions paving the road to Hell?
To say more would be spoilers. Just keep in mind the context in which this was written: The Vietnam War had just ended, the President of the United States had just been caught in an unprecedented illegal conspiracy, the world seemed upside down with all the hippies and the Black Panthers and women burning their bras. It was a time of social unrest and uncertainty about the future. People were turning away from God and the church and putting their trust in the Almighty Dollar. Business and capitalism seemed like the only viable savior.
It is, perhaps, unfair and inaccurate to label this novel “anti-capitalist”. It is certainly critical of capitalism, but there is far more going on underneath the surface. Capitalism is merely one of many monsters that Samson was writing about.
If the novel can be accused of anything, it is, perhaps, the fact that it is too subtle. Samson, however, uses the subtlety to her advantage, building up the sense of dread and inevitable tragedy at an agonizingly drawn-out pace. Seriously, this is so slow burn that when the final conflagration happens in the last few pages of the book, you may be shaking your head and thinking, “How the hell did that happen?” Then, almost immediately, the thought: you know exactly how this happened......more
Still not a fan of Alison Sampson's artwork in this, and Rio Youers's adaptation of the Stephen/Owen King novel of the same name is still somewhat pisStill not a fan of Alison Sampson's artwork in this, and Rio Youers's adaptation of the Stephen/Owen King novel of the same name is still somewhat piss-poor and muddled. "Sleeping Beauties, Part 2" is even more rushed and confusing than the the first volume. The story of a global epidemic in which women fall asleep, become encased in a cocoon, and the men are left to their clueless, violent selves fucking up the planet is a fantastic novel, but this graphic novel adaptation is a mere shadow of what it could have been....more
Body horror gives me the heebie jeebies, which, I suppose, is what it’s supposed to do. Of all the horror subgenera, body horror is my least favorite,Body horror gives me the heebie jeebies, which, I suppose, is what it’s supposed to do. Of all the horror subgenera, body horror is my least favorite, precisely because it honestly and sincerely scares me.
So, knowing enough about Eric LaRocca, I was hesitant to read his book of three novellas, “Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, and Other Misfortunes”. Nevertheless, I have been hearing really great buzz about this book and when authors that I admire are raving about him in the blurbs on the back page, I had to read it.
“THGWSWLS” is just as horrifying and disturbing as I expected. It was also, unexpectedly, strangely moving and sad. I believe the body horror aspect of the story was the least horrible part.
The story, strangely enough, starts with an apple peeler. Agnes posts an ad on an LGBTQ chat site selling an antique apple peeler, and Zoe responds with a sincere interest in it. The correspondence just goes downhill from there.
I honestly can’t say anymore because I know that I will let spoilers slip, and the less one knows about this story the better.
The second story, “The Enchantment” is an atypical ghost story, set in a world in which science has proven, without a doubt, that there is absolutely no such thing as an afterlife.
The third story, “You’ll Find it’s Like That All Over”, examines the cultural indoctrination of politesse to the extreme, which, it turns out, can be detrimental to individual health and well-being.
All three stories have to do with the unending capacity for human loneliness and need for connection.
LaRocca is a New Weird writer to definitely keep an eye on....more
Halloween is right around the corner. To celebrate and get in the spirit, I have been reading a plethora of spooky novels that have been on my list foHalloween is right around the corner. To celebrate and get in the spirit, I have been reading a plethora of spooky novels that have been on my list for years. One of those is Roger Zelazny’s “A Night in Lonesome October”. Published in 1993, the book was, sadly, the last book Zelazny published before he died two years later.
I had heard about this book (on Goodreads, of course), but it was just one of those “to read” books that sat on my virtual shelf for years. It is often rated up there with Ray Bradbury’s “The October Country” and on lists with books by Neil Gaiman and Clive Barker.
But wait: isn’t Zelazny best known for his science fiction? Why is he listed with authors better known for horror or dark fantasy?
Who cares? “A Night in Lonesome October” is a great book, regardless of how one classifies it. Straddling a fine line between cosmic horror, Victorian-era gothic romance, and dark comedy, Zelazny’s novel is a love letter to old monster movies and classic horror authors like Mary Shelley, Edgar Allan Poe, Bram Stoker, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, H.P. Lovecraft, and Ray Bradbury (a contemporary of Zelazny’s but clearly one he respected enough to emulate).
It probably won’t be spoiling anything by saying that the novel is narrated by an intrepid hound-dog named Snuff. His job is to keep Things from escaping into our world. His master, Jack, is a sorcerer of some kind. They are involved in a particular Game, one that has been played for eons. Its players are playing for high stakes: on the one side are those that want to open the inter-dimensional gates to let in the Elder Gods, which would mean the end of humanity as we know it. On the other side, of course, are those that want to close the gates and let humanity live.
The players are: the Good Doctor and his hulking Experiment, a man apparently built from body parts of other men; Larry Talbot, who is cursed to turn into a werewolf every full moon; the Vicar, who appears to be grooming his own stepdaughter to be a sacrifice to the Elder Gods; the Count, a very old vampire from the Old Country; and a sorceress named Jill. Oh, and don’t forget the Great Detective, with his limping partner, who is trying to solve a series of murders that are linked to this so-called Game. There are, of course, the familiars. Snuff is Jack’s familiar. There is also a cat, a snake, and an owl, all of which also play an important part in the story.
If you don’t like talking dogs, cosmic horror, dark comedy, or books that make you second-guess character’s motives until the very last page, then this book isn’t for you. If, however, you love books like Bradbury’s “Something Wicked This Way Comes” and Gaiman’s “The Sandman” graphic novel series, then this will be a natural win....more
Brian Keene’s “City of the Dead” is as perfect a zombie novel as one can get. Published in 2005, the novel was a sequel to the 2003 novel ���The Rising”Brian Keene’s “City of the Dead” is as perfect a zombie novel as one can get. Published in 2005, the novel was a sequel to the 2003 novel “The Rising”, an equally excellent novel. You don’t have to read “The Rising” to necessarily appreciate or understand “City of the Dead”. You can glean enough of the story from context and expository backstory throughout.
All you need to know: during a scientific experiment, scientists accidentally ripped a hole in the fabric of time-space, allowing ancient demons (called the Siqquisim) to escape from their eons-long prison put there by God, long before the Wars in Heaven and the Creation. Now these demonic spirits have possessed the bodies of the newly-dead. Globally, the zombie apocalypse has begun. But these “zombies” (more accurately, demonically-possessed corpses) can speak, think, drive, use guns, and do pretty much anything humans can do. Yeah, “holy shit” is right…
This novel probably has more in common with Sam Raimi’s “Evil Dead” movies than Robert Kirkman’s “The Walking Dead”. Keene adds a lot more ridiculous humor and a hella lot more over-the-top gore. Seriously, this book is not for the weak-stomached.
The plot bears a weirdly striking resemblance to the plot of George Romero’s 2005 film “The Land of the Dead”, in which survivors hole up in a huge skyscraper lorded over by a Donald Trump-esque dictator. Certain plot points are eerily similar, although it’s unclear who plagiarized who, as both the novel and the film came out the same year. Overall, it doesn’t matter, as both are, in my opinion, excellent.
If you’ve never read a Keene novel, shame on you! Just kidding. Seriously, though, “The Rising” and this book, “City of the Dead”, would be an excellent place to start....more
I can accurately—-and quite proudly—-state that I have never seen an episode of “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” or any show of its ilk. Ever. I dI can accurately—-and quite proudly—-state that I have never seen an episode of “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette” or any show of its ilk. Ever. I do not need to watch a single episode to gather that it is an homage to narcissism; vapid people doing vapid things to reach a dubious goal.
Samantha Allen has probably seen a few episodes. More for research than anything, I’m sure. Reading her novel “Patricia Wants to Cuddle”, I can assume that she probably feels the same way about the shows that I do.
“Patricia Wants to Cuddle” is a comedic novel that quickly devolves into horror. Or it’s a horror novel with a sharp sense of humor. Either way, it’s a great and scathing criticism of our reality-TV culture, modern relationships, and our dwindling (if still-extant) appreciation and stewardship of the natural world.
The final four women competing for the TV show The Catch have just arrived on the remote island of Otters Island, off the coast of Seattle, Washington, where producers have decided to film the final episode. Ostensibly, the location was picked because of its serenity and natural beauty. Unofficially, it’s because it was way cheaper than Tahiti.
The four remaining contestants are: Lilah-Mae Adams, a born-again Christian who wants to use her time on the show to spread the gospel—-and possibly snag a husband; Amanda Parker, a bubble-headed fashion blogger; Vanessa Voorhees, an overly-ambitious car-show model; and Renee Irons, the token Black Girl who doesn’t want to be there and that has only lasted this long on the show because she’s the token Black Girl.
There’s a secret fifth contestant. Her name is Patricia. She’s eight feet tall, covered in hair, built like a linebacker, and she’s lived in the forests of Otters Island for centuries. She enjoys eating bugs, strolling in the sunlight, and ripping the arms and legs off of hikers.
The ensuing carnage is awesome.
I enjoyed this book for what it was: a slasher with a caustic examination of our cultural narcissism and a not-so-subtle environmentalist agenda. ...more
Adam Cesare's 2020 young adult horror thriller, "Clown in a Cornfield" was a surprisingly intelligent slasher with a pretty obvious anti-Trump agenda.Adam Cesare's 2020 young adult horror thriller, "Clown in a Cornfield" was a surprisingly intelligent slasher with a pretty obvious anti-Trump agenda. It was brutal and gory but also somewhat humorous in its excoriation of Trump supporters, Q-Anoners, white supremacist assholes, and any and all provincial morons in between.
The problem was that it was written before January 6, 2021. "Clown in a Cornfield 2: Frendo Lives" was written after J6, after the world saw what uneducated white assholes who had been spoon-fed lies and conspiracy theories for four years were capable of and how dangerous Trump really was. What was funny only a year before wasn't really that funny anymore.
The horrific fictional events of the first book are, in this social media-driven world, considered by some as "fake news". Conspiracy theorists on the Internet claim that the event was staged, a hoax, and that nobody actually died. Or, the alleged victimized children were, in truth, the real culprits, framing the crazed adults accused of murder.
Survivors Quinn, Rust, and Cole are now in college. They are trying to live their lives, but the events in Kettle Springs, Iowa somehow keep following them. Literally, it turns out, as, one night, Frendo the Clown shows up in the dorm room and tries to kill them. They manage to subdue the psychotic clown, but Quinn receives a call that her father, the current mayor of Kettle Springs, is in the hospital after a similar attack by a killer clown.
They return to Iowa to find that many of the crazed townspeople---bent on revenge against the liberal elites and the rising tide of minorities, immigrants, and gays---still have it in for the young trio, and they've choreographed another bloody Halloween night just for them.
Cesare will more than likely piss off about 20-30% of the population. Not that they'd ever be caught reading this liberal "woke" shit anyway.
Adam Cesare’s “Clown in a Cornfield” is a pretty blatantly anti-Trump horror novel which can probably be enjoyed as a straight “killer-clown-in-a-cornAdam Cesare’s “Clown in a Cornfield” is a pretty blatantly anti-Trump horror novel which can probably be enjoyed as a straight “killer-clown-in-a-cornfield” story minus the politics, but where’s the fun in that?
As someone who has always detested, still does detest, and forever will detest Trump, I thought the book was great. To be fair, though, the book isn’t so much an anti-Trump novel as it is an anti-Trump supporter novel. And that makes all the difference, really.
Quinn Maybrook has been dragged from Philadelphia to live in Kettle Springs, Missouri by her widower dad. As if losing her mom to the opioid epidemic wasn’t bad enough, she now has to live in a farm town in the middle of Bumfuck Nowhere where the biggest celebration of the year is something called the Founder’s Day Parade, which nobody can adequately explain.
On her first day at her new school, she gets lumped in with a group of kids acting up in class. The neo-Nazi science teacher gives them all in-school suspensions. She gets one, too, because she had the audacity to giggle.
Invited to a raging barn kegger, Quinn actually thinks she might be having fun. Then, the stupid clown named Frendo shows up with a crossbow, starts killing teenagers left and right, and ends the party. For the clown, of course, the party’s just getting started. He’s just getting back at the liberal snowflakes and their “political correctness” that has ruined white America. Frendo’s not killing kids, he’s just doing God’s work of eradicating the worthless youth that a generation of elitist, liberal Democrat parents who don’t know how to discipline their kids have created. Frendo’s the working class hero we all need…
The teen slasher has never been this “woke”....more
Brian Keene’s “Pressure” is a good underwater monster story with a sci-fi twist. It’s a bit of “Leviathan” meets “Jaws” meets “The Andromeda Strain”. Brian Keene’s “Pressure” is a good underwater monster story with a sci-fi twist. It’s a bit of “Leviathan” meets “Jaws” meets “The Andromeda Strain”. It’s the kind of novel Peter Benchley would write. In fact, it seems more like a Benchley novel than a Keene novel. There’s both a compliment and an insult in that statement.
To clarify: Benchley was known for writing competent and suspenseful thrillers, usually with a maritime theme. He’s the guy who wrote “Jaws”, by the way. His novels weren’t stellar, but they did the job, and they were immensely well-liked and popular. That’s the “compliment” part of the afore-mentioned statement.
The problem with “Pressure” is that, while it is written by Keene, it just doesn’t feel like a Keene novel. Keene, a competent writer of thrillers, is best known for creepy, gory horror tales, usually involving zombies, giant worms, or an assortment of demonic creatures. They are generally heavy on the blood and guts. So, imagine my surprise to find that “Pressure” is pretty light on the blood and guts. Not that that’s necessarily bad. I was just expecting a lot more in the gore department. So, there’s the “insult” part of the afore-mentioned statement. Frankly, it’s probably not that insulting.
To be fair, I really liked “Pressure”. It starts out strong and winds its way through a story that has several plot twists that I didn’t see coming. It also has a plot that I can’t even talk about because it would inevitably lead to spoilers, and I won’t do that.
Just take my word for it: it’s good and suspenseful and, at times, actually kind of scary. It’s just not that gory. For some of you panty-waist snowflakes, that’s probably a good thing…...more
Something is still killing those children, again, for the fifth time.
James Tynion IV’s rather addictive and unputdownable graphic novel series about Something is still killing those children, again, for the fifth time.
James Tynion IV’s rather addictive and unputdownable graphic novel series about monsters that only children can see and the monster hunters that are actually worse than the monsters continues in Volume 5 of Something is Killing the Children.
Erica Slaughter is back. She’s gone rogue from the Order of St. George. The higher-ups have hired a super bad-ass killer (from Europe, no less, because apparently European bad-ass killers are way more bad-ass) to hunt Erica and kill her. Because reasons.
A young girl named Gabi is the only member of her family to survive a monster attack. Erica is in town to protect her and everyone else from the monster, which is a new kind, one that looks human. Sort of. Human-ish anyway. The giant eyeball in its chest and its head that opens up into a giant mouth with sharp teeth kind of give it away.
Erica may be in over her head, and when she finds out that her one and only friend in the whole world is killed by the European assassin, things go from bad to worse…
One of the hottest new comic book writers working now is a guy named James Tynion IV. He has three fantastic ongoing series currently, all of which arOne of the hottest new comic book writers working now is a guy named James Tynion IV. He has three fantastic ongoing series currently, all of which are in the horror/new weird genre. The guy can write, clearly, and he has a knack for telling stories that actually resonate well with current events, without feeling contrived or pedantic.
Take, for example, The Department of Truth, a series with the timely premise that when enough believers start believing in a conspiracy theory—-regardless of how ridiculous—-it starts becoming fact. The titular government agency is charged with keeping too many people from believing the misinformation and lies that formulate conspiracy theories, but social media makes that extremely difficult. In Volume 3, “Free Country”, Lee Harvey Oswald (who did not kill JFK) is chasing a mysterious Lady in Red who may have answers to, well, everything…
Now, one can read this series without making any real-world connections. Tynion is one of those intelligent writers that does a lot of reading, research, and deep thinking but doesn’t necessarily require the reader to get all the references. One can enjoy the story without having read all the books he has clearly read.
For example, in one chapter, Tynion refers to real-life rocket scientist Jack Parsons, a fascinating character that was the subject of the book “Strange Angel” by George Pendle. In another chapter, references are made to the Illuminati, a mythical organization invented by author Robert Shea in his ‘70s sci-fi trilogy The Illuminatus!.
I haven’t read them. Tynion has. But it doesn’t matter. Tynion is cherry-picking information anyway, in much the same way that conspiracy theorists pick and choose tidbits of facts, folklore, and fiction to construct their narrative. He’s cleverly pointing out the ridiculousness of conspiracy theories by creating his own.
I’m enjoying this series immensely, mainly because I am fascinated by conspiracy theories and how humans try to construct their own “truth” to assuage deep-rooted fears and help explain the inexplicable....more
Proofrock, Idaho—-if it is actually on the map—-is not a place you’d want to live or visit or even drive through. Lots of people die there, mostly teeProofrock, Idaho—-if it is actually on the map—-is not a place you’d want to live or visit or even drive through. Lots of people die there, mostly teenagers, in very violent ways. It’s basically Slasherville, U.S.A.
If you read “My Heart Is a Chainsaw” by Stephen Graham Jones (and, if you haven’t, shame on you…), you’ll recall how Jade Daniels kind of vanquished the Lake Witch during the infamous Independence Day Massacre, but only after the supernatural killer racked up a huge body count. For a while there, everybody thought Jade was the killer, until the Sheriff proved that she wasn’t. Now, the little Indian girl who had an unhealthy obsession with slashers is back in town.
Jones’s sequel “Don’t Fear the Reaper” is as good if not better than the first book, which is kind of weird, as Jade would tell you: slasher sequels generally are never as good as the original.
But Jade isn’t in town to do battle with the Lake Witch. No, she’s hunting an escaped serial killer named Dark Mill South. He’s kind of a Native American Hannibal Lector, which makes Jade the Native American Clarice.
So, she’s back in town to help save the few people she still cares about, namely Letha (the final girl from the last book, or rather, the other final girl), Deputy Banner (the high school jerk who turned out okay and actually married Letha), their newborn, and Sheriff Hardy (retired and minus about 30 feet of intestine).
Unfortunately, Dark Mill South may not be the only crazed killer bent on some irrational sense of vengeance.
Jade’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things slasher will come in handy, for sure, but there’s one problem: the killer(s) are also huge slasher fans, and they’ve seen the more recent movies that have been out that Jade has missed because, well, prison.
Jones has actually succeeded where so many other slasher franchises have failed: he’s created a sequel that outdoes the first one. It’s funnier, bloodier, and even more tear-jerkier. Even better? It’s the second in a planned trilogy.
Curse you, Stephen Graham Jones! (Just kidding. But seriously, write faster…)...more
After eating Galactus and leaving a wake of devoured planets throughout the universe, the Marvel Zombies need more food. They remember that, back on EAfter eating Galactus and leaving a wake of devoured planets throughout the universe, the Marvel Zombies need more food. They remember that, back on Earth, Reed Richards had created a portal to an alternate dimension, which means an entirely new universe of people and planets to eat. Meanwhile, back on Earth, King T’Challa of New Wakanda is getting old. He knows it’s only a matter of time before someone younger and stronger challenges him to the throne…
Robert Kirkman’s “Marvel Zombies 2” is as silly, gory, and fun as the first one. It’s a twisted parody of the Marvel universe that manages to provide both laughs and shivers of genuine creepiness. I’ll take this series over “The Walking Dead” anytime....more
Father and son writing duo Richard and Billy Chizmar collaborated on the short horror novel “Widow’s Point”, which is, to my recollection, the first aFather and son writing duo Richard and Billy Chizmar collaborated on the short horror novel “Widow’s Point”, which is, to my recollection, the first and only attempt at making a “found footage” horror film in book form.
To those unfamiliar, “found footage” films are made to look like authentic documentary footage of something horrifically tragic and inexplicable. “The Blair Witch Project” (1999) was one of the first films to use this (now-cliche) horror trope, inspiring dozens of copy-cats and rip-offs. Occasionally, truly decent horror films like “Paranormal Activity” have popped up in this genre, but really good ones are rare. It doesn’t stop me from watching them and loving them, of course.
The Chizmars have done a decent job of writing the first (that I know of) “found footage” novel. Set in Nova Scotia, the novel reads like an in-depth police report of discovered video and audiotapes of Thomas Livingston, who is currently missing and presumed dead.
Livingston is a best-selling author who was investigating the famously haunted Widow’s Point Lighthouse of Harper’s Cove, presumably as research for a new novel. The landmark has an extremely bloody history of unexplained murders and suicides, as well as numerous disappearances associated with it. He plans to spend a weekend—-Friday through Sunday—-sleeping in the lighthouse.
It’s probably not a spoiler to say that very little sleeping will be done that weekend.
For a short novel (a novella, really) of only 150 pages, the story is pretty impactful, with a very believable history of a fictional landmark and some terrifying imagery.
Apparently, there was a film adaptation made in 2019 of this, with a screenplay written by the Chizmars. I have not seen it....more
It starts with a question. The kind of question one would ask at a party, during a lull, to stir things up, to get people thinking and talking. A simpIt starts with a question. The kind of question one would ask at a party, during a lull, to stir things up, to get people thinking and talking. A simple question that, when one thinks about it, isn’t all that simple.
How do you think the world will end?
End-of-the-world stories have fascinated humans for centuries, as long as there have been storytellers telling stories. It plays upon those primal fears: of the unknown, of death, of eternal darkness.
James Tynion IV, who has gradually been making a name for himself in the comic book world (notably, his current ongoing series Something is Killing the Children and The Department of Truth), has written a terrifying tale of the apocalypse in the innocuously-titled The Nice House on the Lake, a title that could just as easily evoke a romantic comedy or a pleasant coming-of-age drama. Nope. This is balls-out horror.
A group of young millennials as disparate as they are talented in their given field have been invited to an unbelievably lavish lake house in upstate Wisconsin. Some of them know each other, but most are meeting each other for the first time. They are all friends with a man named Walter, who has set this soiree up.
They are not there long, however, before newsfeeds start blowing up about confusing and horrific world events. Wildfires in major cities. A pandemic of some type of flesh-melting virus. Radio silence from all over the world. Soon, the TV and radios are broadcasting nothing but an emergency warning to stay in your homes, do not travel.
Then, Walter drops a bomb that he knew this was going to happen, that he brought them here to save them from the apocalypse. And then he shows them his true self, which is so very not human.
What follows is a horrifying look at what survival in the end times might look like. There are, of course, plenty of plot twists, but to say more would be unfair.
Tynion’s graphic novel evokes the confusion and terror of such apocalyptic novels as Rumaan Alam’s “Leave the World Behind” and Paul Tremblay’s “The Cabin at the End of the World”. But it also has a subtle fun side that evokes films like “The Cabin in the Woods” and “This is the End”.
It will definitely be fun, and nerve-wracking, to see where Tynion takes this series, but I’m definitely hooked....more
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