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It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This (2023)
You Probably Won't See This...Film? (If You Can Even Call It That)
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This is effectively one couple's passion project.
A "film" made completely on a whim.
With virtually no budget.
Little writing.
And no plan around which it is shaped.
That is...if you can even call it a film.
It might, more accurately, be qualified as "Video Art".
Because as a film- to put it bluntly- it's complete trash.
In fact, it's probably the worst film I've ever seen (and I've watched some real stinkers).
Mainly because it's an incoherent narrative mess.
But that's not to say it doesn't have value as an immersive, interactive, experience.
The directorial duo- of Nick and Rachel- have stated, outright, that the only way you'll ever be able to see this film...is in theatres (which makes a lot of sense, when you think about it).
So, you better catch it on the festival circuit (I saw it's Canadian premiere as part of TIFF's Midnight Madness program)...because I assure you...it won't be getting any wider sort of release.
Which probably isn't something you'd want to indulge in, anyways.
Cause it's really, REALLY, bad...on pretty much every conceivable level.
Thus, in order for the experience to have any redeeming value...you really need to have the directors there to contextualize things for you.
Because that's where the film (if you can even call it that) gets kind of interesting.
As it has an immersive, interactive quality to it...when the director- who also plays himself in the film, as the director who is in the process of making the film- comes out to offer an introduction, and run the crowd through a ritual.
All of which you must consider part of the film...or art experience...or whatever it is.
Which, I guess, you could argue breaks the FIFTH wall (by bringing the world of the film into the theatre, itself)?
A feat achieved when he undertakes this ritualistic endeavour...as it actually acts to, not only make the experience an interactive one...but also helps to contextualize what, I guess, you'd call " the nature" of the film.
Which is basically a found footage horror, that is, arguably, also part "documentary" (though, in the loosest sense of the term).
Because, as you come to find out, the film mainly consists of a bunch of "real" footage, with a few bits of improv, and only one character that is played by a paid actress (even then, in her first paying role).
Thus, to call it an amateur production is an understatement.
It shows in the end result.
But you've got to consider that the whole thing was conceived when the house (who, itself, stars as the main character...and, arguably, should be given a writing credit) was purchased by the creatorial couple (in real life) for another film they were planning to shoot (as is noted in the film).
It's dilapidated quality; the garbage; the graffiti; and the all the culty stuff (less the Hellmouth painting... which was done by Rachel) were all features of the house, that were there upon it's acquisition...and effectively inspired the film's creation.
Even down to it's title...as the words "It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This" were scrawled across the wall with spray paint when they moved in.
So...the narrative (another term applied loosely, here) was derived from the state and contents of the house...alongside the happenstance occurrences that would take place during the shooting of the (improvised aspects of the) "film", whereas the rest of the film was just thrown together from a seemingly random collection of already existing, low quality, footage the trio had already shot.
Which is why I suggest the house, itself, should be given the main writing credit.
Because it seems to have done most of the writing...whereas the remainder of the film is just the aforementioned constituent parts, pieced together, in an incredibly hodgepodge way.
Although, there were contributions from a few unpaid background actors (in the role of the cult)...and, of course, the one paid actress, in the role as "the girl they followed home"...which is the only scene that wasn't improvised; and was shot twice, in the entire film.
That being said...the "film" "ends" as incoherent as it began.
But the "end" isn't really even the end!
Because the "narrative" spills into the post script, when the director comes back out to talk to the crowd for a Q&A session.
Which is when he runs the crowd through yet another ritual- this time, a makeshift seance- that makes the crowd, itself, active participants in the experience.
Which is precisely why I argue that the film breaks the FIFTH wall, above.
Due to it's interactive nature.
It is in this sense- and only this sense- that the "film" is even remotely interesting.
Because, like I previously noted, as a film, itself...it's a completely incoherent mess.
However, as an interactive video art experience...it has it's merits.
So if you get the rare chance to see (and play an active role in) it...definitely do so.
Because a) it will likely be your only chance to do so and b) there's really there's nothing else like it out there (that I know of, at least).
Just don't go into it expecting to indulge in a "good" film.
Because, that, it is not.
It's complete trash (just like the house).
But I guess that means there's a metaphor in there somewhere too...right?
Either way...it has to be rated 1 out of 10.
Because it's not great.
Hell...it's not even good.
Any other rating is just shilling.
Ick (2024)
Dumb, But With Some Underlying Context...And Lots Of Easter Eggs.
I'm going to be honest here.
This film is pretty dumb.
But, while it comes off as random, with a creature whose existence is never explicitly explained.
Kahn admittedly does a competent job providing explanations for the unexplained aspects of the film via subtext.
You just need to wade through the ick, in order to get there...and, well, get what the film is about.
Because we are the ick.
The ick- an invasive alien plant creature that becomes more malevolent, the more it's exposed to modern humanity- as it is a manifestation of the worst aspects of human nature...our most cringe qualities (think of it kind of like when AI when is exposed to the internet).
Hence why the only people immune to it are those who have been humbled by life.
Take the two main characters, for example.
Both of whom had it all in highschool, only to lose it all in their transition to adulthood, when life gave them a reality check.
The protagonist of the story, having been the highschool quarterback, whose life- after being slated for the NFL- gets upended when he suffers a career ending injury (brought on by the ick) in his final game before going off to college.
And our protaganess (the most divine beauty to ever grace the silver screen), when, despite being the most popular girl in school, isn't able to get into the university of her dreams.
Though, also her best friend (and the boy she likes), who are just kind-hearted nerds in the form of a tortured artist and the smartest girl in school.
The latter being characters that are contrasted by the guy who seems to be, at least, semi-autobiographically based on the director, himself.
Though, not necessarily in a realistic sense.
Rather, how he had fantasized his life could have gone (ie gets rich, and marries the hottest girl in school...even though that, inevitably, leads to his downfall).
On top of that, Kahn clearly incorporates many of his own coming of age influences into the film, as well.
Not only in the form of a large collection of 2000's era music.
But also via other cultural influences, as well.
Like how the main character comes off as a dollar store (read: satirized) version of Bruce Campbell as Ash in Evil Dead...right down to his blue shirt.
While the one young man is clearly fashioned after Jason Mewes when he plays Jay in the Kevin Smith films.
The whole thing really is akin to a faster paced, horrorified, version of a teenage high school comedy.
Kind of it like a high octane John Hughes film, with more of an Idiocracy vibe.
Hence why I say it's a "dumb" film, despite the interesting easter eggs that are strewn throughout it.
Many of which, apparently, harken back to his earlier films.
The highlight of it all is clearly our young protagoness, though.
She is, quite literally, a Goddess so divine, she put's Aphrodite to shame (goddamn did she ever look good at the TIFF Q&A...the epitome of perfection).
And a great actress to boot.
Did I love the film...well, no.
Not exactly.
It was farrrrrr too reliant upon CGI effects for my personal taste.
But it had it's moments.
As an Evil Dead fanatic, I particularly appreciated the influence he took from that series.
And I've got to give him credit for casting the right actress for the main role.
But it isn't enough to save the film from how dumb it really is.
Though...perhaps that was what he was going for.
3 out of 10.
Last Sentinel (2023)
A Post-Apocalyptic Chamber Tensioner, Of Sorts.
Last Sentinel takes place in a post-apocalyptic future, where climate change has sunken most of the rest of the world, rendering it a dichotomous place, where two factions exist at odds with one another.
Though, for what reason isn't clear.
Either way, we find ourselves watching a platoon of four soldiers, who have been relegated to the "Last Sentinel"...an isolated outpost, built on an old oilrig, in the middle of the ocean.
The outpost houses a nuclear weapon, that one of the factions uses as a failsafe against attacks from their perceieved "enemies".
Despite the fact that the two sides haven't had contact with one another for over 40 years.
So they don't truly know if there actually is a conflict, or whether it's all a ruse designed to main control over the remaining population.
But what that leaves us with here is a chamber-style horror, or thriller, or whatever you want to call it.
Though it can most accurately be described as a tensioner.
As we watch the dynamic of the group break down, due to their prolonged isolation at sea, after a number of incidents put a strain on their ability to survive.
Which tests their sanity...and causes them to question each other's motives.
Meaning it's a bit of a slow burner.
That does have a twist...though, whether you agree that said twist pays off, in the end, will vary from viewer to viewer.
I didn't mind the pacing, personally.
But many other viewers have clearly taken issue with it.
I found it engaging enough to remain entertained.
But agree that the end could be seen as a let down, depending on what sort of expectations you were left with, by the time it came around.
So, don't expect a masterpiece or anything.
But it's not a bad film.
Just a really slow one.
3.5 out of 10.
What You Wish For (2023)
Rife With Implausibilities.
Man, this film had such a cool concept...but ended up being a disappointing mess.
It had me hooked, right from the beginning, as soon as it became clear what was going on.
However, it ruined any potential it had, because it was rife with implausibilities.
Wayyyyy too many implausibilities.
With the ones surrounding the incident around which the entire plot is based, being too much to reasonably accept.
And it only got worse from there.
Which is such a disappointment, because the film was, otherwise, very entertaining.
The lazy writing was just too much to get over, for me at least, though.
I don't want to give away too much, because finding out what is going on is part of the allure of the film.
But it has too many faults to overlook.
And that doesn't make up for anything it had to offer.
4 out of 10.
You'll Never Find Me (2023)
What's In A Name?
You'll Never Find Me is a film rife with tension.
You know...one of those slow burners that come to make you expect there to be an explosive ending.
And it does kind of deliver on this front.
But I couldn't help but leave the film feeling somewhat unfulfilled, in the end.
Which isn't to say it's a bad film, per se.
It was certainly entertaining.
Just that I feel like it could have been better, on a number of levels.
You could tell it was going for that Wolf Creek type of creep factor.
But it doesn't quite manage to reach that same level of disturbingness.
Which is likely a result of the weird twists and turns that the end takes.
Leaving you to question everything you thought was going on up until that point.
Criticisms aside, it's a pretty cool, low budget, Aussie horror...that shows you can make an entertaining film, without breaking the bank.
But I can't help but feel it could have been done a little better.
I did enjoy the easter egg they incorporated into the film, by naming the guy Patrick...which both acts as a bit of foreshadowing, and a nod to the first ever Ozploitation film (of the same name).
Props to them for that...as it was my favourite bit.
4 out of 10.
Vampire humaniste cherche suicidaire consentant (2023)
A Darkly, Light-Hearted, Vampire Coming Of Age Film.
As far as vampire films go...this one is about as original as you can get!
The only film that is, even remotely, similar to it, being Shunji Iwai's 2011 film, Vampire.
Which doesn't even have actual vampires in it.
While Iwai's film is a dramatic horror...this French-Canadian gem is more of a horror comedy.
A sort of vampire coming of age film.
In which we follow a 68-year young, teenage vampiress, who find her fangs, when her family forces her to fend for herself in the real world.
As, prior to this, she was mostly sheltered...having been brought up on blood bags from her parents fridge.
Which has resulted in her overt humanism, and, thus, aversion toward killing others to survive.
So, when she meets a local boy, with suicidal intentions...it's kind of a match made in...well, Hell, I guess.
Because he's willing to give his life for her.
But this only acts to make her fall in love with him.
Leaving them with only one option moving forward.
Which just might make things work out for both of them, in the end.
This wonderful film is a darkly, light-hearted, and all-around entertaining, experience.
Another winner from Quebec!
7 out of 10.
Les chambres rouges (2023)
An Exploration Of The Different Shades Of Darkness.
Les Chambres Rouges (Red Rooms) is a masterful exploration of the different shades of darkness.
Ranging from the pure evil of an extremophile killer...to the morbid curiosity of, both, hardened individuals...and the public at large.
Which begs the question...why are we, as humans, so attracted to darkness?
Whether that be as fans of horror films. True crime. The taboo.
It probes the question of what it is that pushes us down these paths of darkness...
And does so in a way that never brings you out of your comfort zone.
Which is something that I found to be quite interesting, in itself.
Because, for a film that revolves around such an extreme event.
We are never, directly, exposed to any of the gore that involves.
Rather, merely to the effects of it's aftermath.
In regards to the different roads, different people, take, after being exposed to such events.
Here, being the family of the victims; the lawyers arguing the case; the murder groupies...and, most notably, an "edgy" hacker-model who just has a deep-seeded need to know the Truth (for reasons, that, remain unknown).
The "Red Room" in question here, involves the brutally vicious torture, and murder, of young women, that is filmed and either streamed or sold to others on the dark web, via the tor network, by means of anonymous cryptocurrencies.
So, the film, likewise, explores the nature of civil liberties, in both the legal and technological world.
In regards to how both legal and technological mechanisms- designed to protect the rights and freedoms of revolutionaries and activists on the frontlines...or those wrongly accused- can also be exploited by the most relentless forms of evil, for extremely nefarious ends.
Though, also, the limitations of these mechanisms.
As part of what seems to be a subtle critique of the darkness that pervades capitalism, as a whole.
On a purely cinematic level...you've got to give Plante credit.
As he immediately hooks you with the courtroom introduction...and keeps you engaged, by dragging you through the rest of the film with it's air of mystery.
Which acts to expose our own morbid curiosity, as viewers.
And gives the whole film a sort of Haneke-like vibe.
As we are enticed, equally, by, not only the nature of the crime itself...but why the protagonist is so drawn to it, as well.
Which is a clever tactic, as it is clearly designed to comment on the prolific internet trend of "online sleuths" and their obsession with true crime, and solving cold cases.
As it has us, both, questioning her motives...and lauding her unsung heroism.
Thus blurring the lines between the dichotomy of the two extremes discussed earlier.
I really loved this film.
Though, it's certainly not your typical type of horror film.
As it's more a crime drama, with an act of horror at it's heart.
But it's a brilliant film, nonetheless.
That will certainly have me watching out for what Plante has to offer in the future.
Not to mention the two main actresses, who both do a stellar job.
Highly recommended.
8 out of 10.
Founders Day (2023)
A Satire Of How Slasher Films Utilize Misdirection.
At first, I thought this was a serious slasher, that just didn't take itself too seriously.
But this turned out to be misdirection.
Which, as it happens...isn't really that ironic.
Because the whole film is actually a satire on how slasher films use the idea of misdirection.
Which is probably why you see a lot of angry reviewers out there.
Because you really have to sit through a majority of the film for this to actually settle in.
That aside...it still plays the role of a true slasher.
And, despite being pretty cheesy...it tends to work on most levels.
Though, there are some, admittedly, bizarre narrative decisions made throughout it.
Which is what holds it back from being a Scream-like classic.
It's neither great.
Nor overtly horrible.
But I enjoyed it.
Even if the idea behind it all is absurdly implausible.
The key to "get" this film is definitely that it's all one big joke that takes itself seriously.
Even though that joke is applied subtly...due to it being veiled in absurdity.
With the most clever misdirection being that it's not, in fact, a satire.
When it most certainly is.
So you have to give them credit for that, at least.
5.5 out of 10.
Black Mold (2023)
A Simple, Yet Effective, Psychological Horror.
Black Mold is a simple, yet effective, psychological horror.
It's not flashy.
Or laden with state of the art special effects.
But it's a solid little story; and has some pretty decent production quality!
In it, two up-and-coming photographers, head to a dilapidated location, with a storied history.
Only to find that it's inhabited by a homeless squatter...who warns them about what the darkness brings...if they find themselves stuck there, overnight.
Because- as you might have guessed from the film's title- the place is (apparently) filled with a type of black mold that causes their most deep seeded fears to become reality, in the form of hallucinations.
With that being said...it's a bit of a slow burner.
That is, for the most part, dramatically driven.
But it does manage to exude a, slight, air of tension.
And manages to keep you engaged enough, as you wait to see how it's all going to play out in the end.
As a result of it's relatively slow pace...you find yourself beginning to expect there to be an explosive twist at the end.
Though- while this, arguably, does play out- it ends on a weird note, that you can't help but feel is anti-climactic.
Even weirder, though, is the fact that- if it weren't for the title- you wouldn't have known the whole thing was driven by black mold at all.
You are completely left to deduce that based on the film's title alone.
Which isn't necessarily a fault.
But it doesn't really suggest mature writing skills, either.
That being said...it's entertaining enough.
But it could have been substantially better, if they just sussed out the narrative a little more thoroughly.
Particularly in regards to the ending.
But it is what it is.
3.5 out of 10.
Hostile Dimensions (2023)
Through The Looking Glass...
What we have here is, effectively, a found footage film, about the making of a documentary about a found footage film.
So...a little bit of found footage inception, I guess you could say.
The story revolves around, well...a door.
A door that, each time you open it, leads to an alternate dimension.
We find ourselves following two young women, who have set out to investigate the disappearance of another woman named Emily, who went through the door...and was never seen or heard from again.
The door is freestanding.
So, as part of their investigation, the women bring it home to their apartment.
Which is when stuff starts getting inexplicably weird.
As it marks their foray into the otherworldly.
Emily had been with her friend, Brian, when she went through the freestanding door.
Only to completely disappear after having passed through it.
Leaving Brian with no other option than to post the video of her disappearance onto youtube.
Which is where the two women find it.
And decide to make a documentary on the subject.
Which is what leads them to find the door, and bring it home with them.
After which they proceed to use it to go to and from a series of different dimensions, in search of Emily.
Only to be led, through the looking glass, down a series of weird rabbit holes.
That ultimately culminates with a somewhat violent conclusion.
Unfortunately...while the concept here is intriguing enough...the narrative is incredibly incohesive.
There's just too much going on...and it ends up coming off as kind of random.
Sure, the overarching narrative is detectable at the beginning and the end of the film.
But the middle section is too disconnected from it...and kills the flow of the storyline.
I've got to give them props for their ambition, though.
Because what they tried to achieve, with the budget they clearly had, is laudable.
But it's just too convoluted to keep you engaged.
So it ends up being a bit of a fail.
But God bless them for trying.
2 out of 10.
Night Shift (2023)
Needed more gore.
The first part of this film is engaging enough.
As you try to unravel the mystery of what is set to happen.
However...the way it all plays out is relatively lackluster.
And leaves you wishing it had more to offer.
Because the film is wholly reliant upon it's twist.
But what ensues from that point on, just isn't explosive enough to make it all worthwhile.
Mainly, because the oppourtunities that present themselves tend to be glared over.
While the development of the main character wasn't adequate enough to make you care.
In short...it needed more gore to be better.
That's really the only thing that could have salvaged this.
Because, as it stands, it's just not worth a watch.
3 out of 10.
Tuesday (2023)
In Order To Understand Someone...You Have To Walk A Day In Their Shoes; Or, The Only Thing That's Certain Is Death And Taxes.
What an intriguingly bizarre little film.
A terminally ill teenager, finds herself facing her own mortality.
A seemingly selfish mother, refuses to let her daughter go.
A young nurse must constantly deal with people navigating their way through this scenario.
While a tortured parrot manifests as the embodiment of death.
Exoterically, the stricken young woman- who goes by her middle name, Tuesday- is forced to confront her own mortality, when she is visited by a harbinger, in the form of a talking parrot, whom acts as the embodiment of death.
Her mother- Zora - burdened by the state of her daughter's condition...but doing the best that she can...has lost her job, and is forced to sell all their worldly belongings (to pay for her nursing care).
Though, she pretends to go to work each day, so as to bring a sense of normalcy to their upended lives.
Upon returning home on this day, however, she is confronted by her daughter, who warns her of her impending death.
During which, she too, must come face-to-face with death, in the form of the talking parrot.
To the point that she unwittingly brings about a zombie apocalypse- after taking matters into her own hands- in an attempt to stave off the inevitable.
Until she is forced to grips with the question of whether she is doing this to protect her daughter (from the inevitable); or herself (because she's unwilling to let go).
Making what ensues the last desperate act of a woman whose life has already began to condition her to accept such a reality (ie being forced to purge all her worldly possessions...with extra symbolism being added via the stuffed bishop rats, that represent her loss in faith).
Which is an example of how expertly esoteric messages are symbolically spun into this film.
For example...you find yourself asking the question...why a parrot?
The answer to which requires a multifaceted symbolic reading.
On the one hand, it relates to the longevity of a parrot's lifespan, being very close to our own; while, as a pet, they act as close companions to us humans; and possess the ability to mimic our actions, and personality.
On another, it simply works as a play on words between parrot and parent.
Though, on it's most esoteric level, it relates to the Rumi poem about the parrot and the merchant.
A tale in which the cage that acts as the prison of a domesticated parrot, is likened to how the body acts as a prison to the soul of a person, trapped in the material world (which is the realm of suffering in both Buddhist and Islamic philosophy).
An idea that obviously resonates with the situation in the story we are presented with here.
To be honest, I really didn't think I was going to like this film at first.
But, by the end, it had won me over.
Leaving me pleasantly surprised...despite the unpleasant nature of the content it acts to confront.
It's such a wonderfully weird- and dark- little film.
With an excellent performance by Julia-Louis Dreyfus as the mother.
Though, it's most commendable aspect, is how it is able to lighten the concept of dealing with the untimely- and unjust- death of a child...while dealing with the dark roads- those left to deal with the aftermath- are forced to traverse.
An excellent first feature from rookie director Daina O. Pusic.
Recommended if you like films like Beau Is Afraid...which I feel like it is somewhat akin to, in both subtle- and not-so subtle- ways.
6 out of 10.
Gojira -1.0 (2023)
An Entertaining Film That Flips Who Godzilla Was On It's Head.
I went into Godzilla Minus One not knowing much of what the movie was meant to entail.
But it's pretty obvious that it is effectively a retelling of the original Gojira tale...only with Godzilla having been refashioned as the villain of the story.
Instead of the misunderstood anti-hero that he was originally designed to be.
As someone who once binge-watched the entire series of Showa era kaiju films...this is something that I don't really appreciate.
At least as far as the legacy of Godzilla goes.
However...it certainly works for this film.
Which combines post-war drama, with kaiju era horror.
Even though it's kind of hard to think of this modern incarnation as equivalent to the kaijus of old...if only because it is, mostly, CGI based.
Usually I'm not a fan of CGI (in lieu of traditional effects).
But this was some of the most well done CGI ever to grace the silver screen.
So you've got to respect this film, on that front alone, as a feat in itself.
Though the film certainly holds it's own on the story front, on top of that, as well.
It seems to reflect a moment in history, where Japan has overcome it's self-loathing post war depression, that was central to the plot of the original slate of films.
As it takes a particularly more nationalist angle.
Which sees it used as a vehicle to drive home the narrative that Japan is not only ready, but deserves, to rekindle the military might they have been barred from developing since WWII.
Of course, the angle presented here, is that the operation- central to the plot of the film- is specifically civilian in nature.
But it is clearly patriotically driven, and militarily oriented.
Hence the argument presented here.
In this sense, Godzilla seems to have takes on a form that makes it metaphorical to America.
As opposed to how he was originally conceived as a misunderstood antagonist akin to King Kong, Frankenstein, or The Creature From The Black Lagoon...in the sense that they were designed to act as a critique of humanity's effect on, and treatment of, the natural world.
It's no secret that this particular angle has been entirely scrubbed from the storyline of this film...which isn't something that I would argue is particularly laudable.
However- as far as this film goes on it's own, at least- Godzilla certainly makes for an entertaining "pure villain".
But that's never what Godzilla was about (I suppose noone remembers when he saved us from Mechagodzilla, and countless other malevolent kaiju creatures, in times past?!).
So, despite the fact that it was, admittedly, entertaining; with some exceptionally groundbreaking CGI...it losers points on this front, for me.
Also...the bit where the partner of the main character is dropped into the sea...only to be completely dry, on land, in the very next shot...really stood out as glaring mistake, that affected the narrative flow, in my opinion.
But other than that...the film sure was entertaining.
And would have been great to see in theatres.
But it completely flips what Godzilla was originally conceived as on it's head.
And I can't help but feel that something has been lost, because of that.
7.5 out of 10.
Lord of Misrule (2023)
A Decent Addition To The British Folk Horror Genre, That Pairs Nicely With Starve Acre.
While the majority of this film plays out like a dramatic crime-mystery, in the end it comes around to fulfill it's role as a new addition to the British Folk Horror subgenre.
It tells the tale of a female vicar, who finds herself immersed in a world of paganism, after her daughter is chosen to be a "gift" to a local folk deity - who promises good harvests, and great miracles, to those who offer him such sacrifices.
As such, it makes itself a good companion piece to it's contemporary Starve Acre...as it possesses both similarities (in that we find ourselves focusing on the psychological effects it has on the parents of the child affected) and differences (in regards to how it all plays out in the end).
Sure, it's slow paced...as all folk horrors tend to be.
But I found it to be a decent addition to the genre.
Think, something akin to Midsommar...just not as extreme.
That's not saying it's a masterpiece of the genre (like Midsommar is), or anything.
Only that it's well written, competently constructed, with some decent acting.
And has an air of mystery that nicely compliments it's brooding atmosphere.
If you like British Folk Horror...I can't see you not liking this film.
So if that's your vibe...definitely give it a go.
As you'll surely enjoy it.
If not, however, you might want to pass it by.
5 out of 10.
We Are Zombies (2023)
Non-Cannibal Zombies? Hey, It Works.
In a world where the dead have returned as zombies...that aren't out to eat your brains.
They just become a burden on their family's, and, well...society at large.
Which has opened the door for the multinational Coleman corporation, to step in, and offer the "living impaired" an afterlife with dignity.
At least that's their marketing pitch.
The reality, however, isn't so peachy.
So, when a rag tag group of down and out modern day body snatchers start to steal from them.
They just might be the ones to, unexpectedly, expose them as the, not-so-benevolent, profiteers they really are.
With hilarious consequences.
Sure, it's low budget...cheesy...sex-fueled comedy.
But you can't deny it's entertaining.
With some great creature makeup and special effects that give Nicotero and Savini a run for their money!
It's low budget, low brow, comedy horror at it's finest.
And comes as a fresh break from the, mostly, trash horror that 2023 had to offer.
Don't let the haters sway you.
Definitely give this film a shot.
You won't be disappointed you did.
I assure you.
7 out of 10.
Starve Acre (2023)
Creepy, Atmospheric, And About As Traditional As Traditional Folk Horror Films Go.
Writer-director Daniel Kokotajlo has taken a stab at the folk horror genre in his sophomore feature, Starve Acre.
A slow paced tale about how a local legend starts to influence- and take over- the personality of a young boy, that is being raised in this rural setting.
Though, much like we saw previously, in Run Rabbit Run...it's moreso about the psychological affect this change has on his parents...as opposed to the child, himself.
How they, as the one's who are supposed to offer their child unconditional love, are forced to cope with the ordeal that has become the focal point of their, and their child's, life.
As their son becomes increasingly disconnected, and violent.
While claiming to have formed a relationship with an "imaginary" character, from a local folk tale, central to their idyllic little town's lore.
Before succumbing to an asthma attack.
Obviously, dealing with such a situation starts to have an effect on their individual mental health.
On top of their relationship with one another, and the other people in their lives.
Which is precisely what Kokotajlo has set out to explore in this film.
Though, in typical folk horror fashion, things start to take a turn in a wildly different direction.
And start to get weird.
As we learn how what we've been watching unfold, connects back to the land...and their family's ties to it.
As what ensues becomes increasingly more vicious.
Despite the creepily alluring atmosphere that permeates the film...it seems to have rubbed many viewers the wrong way.
Which is, no doubt, a result of it's convoluted plot structure...and the way the film ends.
As it concludes on both a bizarre, and slightly confounding, note.
Which requires that you had paid rather close attention to it's more subtle elements, in order to garner a proper understanding of it.
And truly appreciate it, for what it is.
I rather enjoyed it.
But completely understand why many have taken issue with it, at the same time.
While not perfect...it's a solid little folk horror, that takes it's place alongside titles like The Whicker Man and The VVitch.
Even if it's not quite as laudable as those examples.
If you are a fan of the folk horror genre...this is likely going to be up your alley.
However, if you aren't as acclimated and familiar with this type of film, you might want to pass it by.
I certainly enjoyed it, though.
And must admit...it kept me intrigued, throughout.
6 out of 10.
Oracle (2023)
Hooks You With Intrigue...But Too Poorly Written To Capitalize Upon It.
The concept here is appealing...has merit...and there's certainly a lot of potential there.
However, this particular film is just way too poorly written to capitalize upon any of it.
Because, while they draw you in with a concept that is more or less intellectual.
They proceed to dumb things down way too much.
The premise here is simple: a young African-American woman is lured to a former plantation- with a dark and violent past- with the promise of a lucrative nannying position.
Only to find out that the house harbours a lot more than just a dark history.
With the rest of the film playing out a lot like if it was film from the Nun franchise.
With a bit of political commentary spun in.
There is no fault with the film's production value, or acting (which is competent enough).
The problem clearly lies with the writing.
It suffers from bad dialogue, and poor character development.
Tied in with a weak plot that messes with the flow of the film.
And takes away from the overall enjoyability of the storyline.
It's easy enough to understand what is going on - mainly because the "twist" brings things into perspective.
But the way it's laid out makes for a lackluster viewing experience.
Leaving you to feel like it was a bit of a missed oppourtunity.
I really thought this was going to be good after the first few minutes.
But didn't find it to be much more than "meh" by the end.
Though...it's not overtly awful, either.
Just very mediocre.
3.5 out of 10.
The Dead Follows (2023)
Another Example Of Dudes Making A Movie In An Attempt To Connect With Their Favourite Onlyfans Model.
First things first...this is by no means a documentary.
It's a found footage horror.
And a rather lazy one at that.
Because it's mainly just two individuals ("ghost hunters") wandering around a random house with a night vision camcorder.
Apparently, the house is haunted by "the man with a hammer" who lives in the closet of the family's child.
As well as a ghost of a child.
Which couldn't be more cliché.
It then, inexplicably shifts to a location in the woods with a few dilapidated structures.
Though, any connection between the two storylines is unapparent.
Humourously, the ghosts are played by Google's Alexa.
Who, unfairly, isn't credited for it's role.
On top of that, the film consists of very basic gags, and some really bad cgi stick animation.
And not a whole lot more.
When all is said and done, you really can't help but feel like this was a project designed to help these two onlyfans subscribers connect with their favourite onlyfans model...in a desperate attempt to convince her that they could help her fulfill her dreams of being a real actress.
To be fair though, it's not their acting that's the problem.
It's the story.
And, even moreso, the execution.
I downloaded it...so I'm only out the hour and a half of my life.
But definitely wouldn't recommend wasting any of your hard earned money to indulge in it.
Because it really doesn't have anything of value to offer you.
Other than some extremely mindless distraction.
And not very entertaining distraction at that.
Good on them for trying though.
Here's hoping they got laid for their efforts.
1.5 out of 10.
The Curse of the Clown Motel (2023)
A Below Average, Entirely Forgettable, Experience.
The low budget horror film Clown Hotel is an entirely forgettable feature.
To the filmmakers credit...the production quality is competent enough.
However...the real horror lies in how bad the storyline actually is.
It revolves around a young Native American woman who has returned to her cultural homeland- only to find that the "world famous" Clown Motel stands on the burial ground of her people.
We, effectively, watch as she tries to unravel some sort of mystery that revolves around something in the basement of the motel.
Whose owner tries to keep said mystery locked away from prying eyes.
If only because uncovering it will unleash it's evil.
The young woman tries to elicit the help of her mother...but she is invested in a company that has sold out to a group of developers, who seek to build upon their land.
While simultaneously working with a church group who seek to bring forth an ancient spirit to stop them.
In hope they can recoup the cost of their investments, without having to sacrifice their land to the unscrupulous developers.
Thus, releasing an angry and vengeful shaman-like character...who starts to kill them off.
The monster is cool enough...but his presence is hampered by the inclusion of some incredibly out of place rainbow-sparkle CGI effects...which I, personally, found to be totally unnecessary.
Which kind of killed any vibe they had going for them.
And from here it's all down hill.
The whole thing is just poorly developed.
With too many forced angles.
That are introduced in a convoluted manner.
Contrary to what the title might lead you to believe.
It actually has nothing to do with clowns at all.
The clowns are, simply, the d-bags you meet along the way.
An entirely forgettable experience.
But it could have been worse.
2.5 out of 10.
Don't Suck (2023)
For A Film About Not Sucking...It Really Does Bring The Suck.
After seeing it's rating...I expected worse.
But it's not without it's faults.
The story revolves around a washed up comedian (played by Jamie Kennedy) who tries to rekindle his career by accepting a gig touring with a not-so-young up and comer (played by Matt Rife).
The young wannabe comic employs a dry shtick where he plays on being an ancient- yet ageless- vampire.
However, he's having a hard time connecting with the audience.
So he brings on Kennedy's character with the hope that he can get some tips on how to become a better comedian.
Promising to fund the entire endeavour, himself.
Only to reveal the truth behind the facade.
The whole thing is rather mediocre.
If only because Rife's portrayal of the vampire character is rather insufferable.
The rest of the cast actually do an excellent job, though.
Why many people didn't like it is obvious, however.
Because it comes off less a comedy than it does a drama.
Which is something I blame the writers for.
Because, where they had an oppourtunity to insert comedy into the script...they seem to glance over them, in order to focus on driving the dramatic aspect of the story forward.
Which is an odd decision.
Because there's not enough comedy to appease viewers who tuned in for some laughs.
And there's not enough gore to satiate those expecting a pure horror.
Making it completely reliant on winning people over with the drama.
Which is a mistake in my opinion.
Especially considering Rife does such an awful job.
His terrible performance aside...it's not totally horrible.
Just very slow and dry.
Which is not something you would expect from a film that features such well known comics.
Thus, it's not particularly great.
So, you can't blame people for thinking it does, in fact, suck.
Because, in the end...it really is quite mediocre.
2 out of 10.
Detachment (2011)
A Dark Sisyphean Drama About The Effects Of Childhood Trauma.
Detachment is a dark Sisyphean drama, about the traumas that burden the lower classes of modern society...as they carry the weight upon their shoulders, while the rest of society weighs down upon them.
Adrian Brody plays a supply teacher, who is sent to a low ranking urban school, on a month long stint as a supply teacher.
Where he witnesses practically every problem you could imagine misspent youth might suffer from.
With students who have no hope for their future, because they've never encountered anyone who cared enough to endow them with hope.
Other than their teachers...who are left fighting an uphill battle...against kids coming from broken homes.
Which leaves them just as broken as the kids they can't seem to help.
Coming from such a background, however...Brody manages to get through to these kids.
Though, not without having to battle his own demons...who have latched onto him as a result of his own childhood trauma.
And left him feeling empty inside.
It's through this emptiness, however, that he is able to forge a connection with the kids.
Because they too feel this emptiness inside...and, so, resonate with him.
Making him a tragic hero, of sorts, on a quest filled with trials and tribulations.
Which, at first, seem like they are impossible for him to overcome...as he makes all the wrong decisions...despite having the best intentions.
His redemption isn't gained through self sacrifice, however.
Rather...a mistake that leads to the most daunting of consequences.
Meaning that it is only through failure, and reflection, that he is able to counter his past mistakes.
And turn things around before all hope is lost.
The whole thing has heavy Kids vibes.
In that they both deal with the harsh reality of childhood trauma...in a very gritty, and confrontational, way.
Which is why an early clip of this film went viral on social media, to portray issues as such.
Unlike Kids, however, this film ends on a bit of a bright note.
So as to show us that no matter how dark things get...we can't lose hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Which is, ultimately, the lesson that the plot of this film is oriented around.
I really enjoyed this.
As, not only is the acting great across the board...Kaye does an excellent job at making the cinematography mirror the grittiness of the storyline...while keeping it almost totally void of colour, to reflect darkness that pervades it.
A highly recommended watch.
7 out of 10.
Zon 100: Zonbi ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto (2023)
Zommmmmbie Sharrrrrrrrrk!!!
I know there is an anime for this, but I've not watched it...so I'm unsure how true to the story it remains.
It certainly has cheesy humour, and a major focus on the romance angle.
But as far as cheesy zombie romances go...it's not half bad.
With three main characters who are rather likeable.
And a concept that is kind of fun.
It is kind of long though.
And, considering such, I was expecting it to sort of fizzle out by the end.
But that zombie shark was pretty badass.
And fully overcomes any of the of the shortcomings the film might otherwise have had.
Plus, the zombie acting is great (especially from the two actresses that play the flight attendants)!
Sure, they aren't the most effective zombies you'll ever see.
But they have some cool mannerisms...and are, generally, quite entertaining.
All-in-all, I found myself rather enjoying the whole thing.
And must say that it is one of the better zombie flicks released in 2023.
Hell...I might even go watch the anime series because of it!
So I'd say it's definitely worth a watch.
5 out of 10.
Adalynn (2023)
Anti-Climactic, To Say The Least.
What did I just watch?!
Obviously, it's a psychological exploration of post-partum depression.
But I wouldn't classify it as either a horror or thriller...rather, just a drama.
Calling it a slow burner is an understatement.
Because literally nothing happens in this film.
It's just a low budget film that attempts to portray the psychological downfall of a woman who miscarries.
With bad voiceovers that are meant to be auditory hallucinations.
And some very mediocre acting.
Seriousness of the topic, aside.
This film is just way too slow and boring- even during it's "climax" (which is rather anti-climactic, to say the least).
I mean...the whole thing is based on character development.
But I never found myself actually caring about the main character.
Making it really hard to remain engaged with.
Perhaps it's because I'm not the target market for this kind of story...but I just found this to be a completely forgettable film.
Clock does a much better job of attacking the subject, than this film manages to do, in my opinion.
So maybe watch that instead.
2 out of 10.
All Fun and Games (2023)
Nothing To Write Home About.
The plot of this film is incredibly infantile.
Adolescent finds knife haunted by demonic children.
Demonic children use knife to possess his brother.
Brother forces his acquaintances to play games, in which the only winner is the one who survives.
The target market here seems to be somewhere between kids and young teenagers.
But it's too violent for young children.
And too childish for teenagers.
So it fits into that medium where no one is bound to like it.
Being a Canadian...I wanted to enjoy this, if only because it has the kid from Son Of A Critch in it.
But the plot is way too bad.
The character development is lackluster.
And there's too much lead up before the action kicks in.
Which ends as abruptly as it begins.
And they can't even get through a damn game ffs.
There's really nothing to like about it, to be honest.
Other than it being relatively short.
So you don't have to waste too much of your life indulging in it.
But that's about all it has going for it.
Other than decent production quality.
2.5 out of 10.
The Bell Keeper (2023)
An Awful Mash-Up Of Evil Dead And Knock At The Cabin.
It's kind of hard to forge a decent horror film, when the concept is to make a cheap pastiche, based on an idiotic premise.
The whole thing is effectively a mash-up of Evil Dead and Knock At The Cabin - which is an act of blasphemy in itself.
And tries way too hard to force a horror-comedy angle into the storyline...which just doesn't work.
Because it makes the whole thing seem confused about what it wants to be.
Does it want to be a comedy? Or serious horror?
One can only assume they've tried to make it the best of both worlds.
However, these two different paths mix like oil and water in this example.
With the crux of the storyline coming off extremely forced at best.
It's just not a very good film.
But I guess that's what you get when you try to emulate a hack like Shyamalan.
It's not surprising that this was made by the same director who brought us the travesty that is Snow Falls (among other awful 2023 releases).
And while it might not be as bad as that film...it's still pretty bad.
2 out of 10.