The Pain Eater Quotes

“The silence stretched out, heartbeat after heartbeat – taut, excruciating. And then, finally, came the first sound: a slow, deliberate clapping. Startled, Maddy opened her eyes to see Harvir leaning back in his desk, his dark gaze steady on her as his hands came together, unhurried, almost leisurely, announcing his approval. A second later, from across the room, Kara joined in, followed by August, and Paul and Jeremy and Theresa. Ms. Mousumi got to her feet with a broad smile on her face, then Rhonda began to applaud, and Nikki. Not everyone followed suit – Ken continued to sit stonefaced, as did Julie and her retinue. David, too, remained motionless, staring at his desktop. Elliot gazed out the classroom windows; Sheng played with a pen. Still, the heartbeat clapping continued on, and Maddy realized she would never forget the gift of it. If it didn’t include everyone, it was enough. She had her soul back.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“Everyone watched Maddy. Not outright – the glances came at her like light dancing off a mirror ball, moments of eyes flicking across her face and gone. It was almost as if the class were on a collective joyride at her expense: the more miserable she felt, the more excited their smirks became.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“Have you told anyone?” asked Kara. “Your parents?”
“Not yet,” said Maddy. “I wanted to finish this first. I had to.”
“Yeah,” said August. “If I had something like that hanging around my gut, I’d want to get it out too. It’s like the end of the world.”
“And the beginning,” said Maddy.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“Riveted, Maddy stared at the sphere. Blood pounded in her ears; her heart started a dull, painful thud; a cry leapt from her mouth. Then, like a blossoming flower of light, the sphere seemed to open, and something passed from it directly into Maddy’s forehead. She felt it like gentle fire, like angel wings, like the breath of a soul coming home.
Oh! she thought, beginning to cry. Oh my goodness! It was her goodness, her own good soul – the part of her that had left her during the rape because it wasn’t able to bear what was happening. Now, finally, it had returned. Sitting down, Maddy hugged and rocked herself, welcoming the lost part of herself home.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“The groans did not frighten her. As she watched, her heart thudded slow and steady; she felt something dark and unnamed shift deep within herself. That inner shifting and what she'd drawn on the wall seemed to go together; Maddy could feel the formlessness inside herself reaching out toward the wall, as if wanting to connect. She thought of Rhonda Hinkle standing before the class and proclaiming "I can!" She thought of David, his head down, saying, "Just an average, ordinary kid. A watcher and a knower." Well, that was what she was too - an average, ordinary kid now staring at some kind of knowing... a knowing that was undefined, something inside herself that wanted out.
I can, Maddy thought.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“I don’t know about you and your brother. I don’t give a shit about your goddamn brother. That’s your problem, and I’m not eating your pain.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“Maddy stared at the backs turned to her, the reflection of the two smirking faces that watched in the mirror. Watched the way kids watched all day long – sideways in their desks, sneering over their lunches, and tossing endless comments as they passed in the halls. Gone was the memory of Leanne and the team; gone was the inner voice telling her to keep cool, to shut the hell up and get out of there. Inside her brain, heat swelled, fused into quantum thermodynamics, and exploded.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater

“He wasn’t even going to get them to apologize to you!” Kara fumed. “He was just going to ignore you, like you weren’t hardly even involved. But you told him, Maddy! You told him just fine!”
“Yeah?” asked Maddy, glancing at her.
“Yeah,” said Kara, her voice punching the air.”
― Beth Goobie, The Pain Eater