paige's Reviews > The Cellar

Okay I really need to get this out, so I just will.

WARNING-I WILL BE COMPLETELY DESTROYING AND TEARING APART THIS BOOK. PLEASE DON'T THINK I AM INSULTING YOU IF I SAY SOMETHING NEGATIVE.

Alrighty, shall we begin?

We are introduced to Summer (AKA a 16 year old girl who cries nonstop, is completely incapable of thinking logically and is very very very annoying).
To say the least I found Summer to be a very weak character. These are things she did throughout the novel.

1.cry
2.cry again
3.cry even though the cellar is flooding from her tears
4. Thinking of Lewis calling her "baby"
5. crying

SUMMER WAS A CRYBABY. Yes, I understand the circumstances, she is trapped in cellar. But come on, by her 152783637th time crying I was about to kill her. She just wouldn't stop. Literally, every 10 or so pages, SHE WAS AT IT AGAIN. CRYING. What could she have been doing with all the time she wasted crying?

1. Finding a way to GET OUT OF THE CELLAR.
2. MAKING ANY SORT OF WEAPON.
3. Anything but releasing her tear ducts.

Also one of my most hated cliches happened regarding Summer. She would say "I'm so unworthy of my godlike boyfriend and I'm not even pretty." Then, the book would describe her as having green eyes and a perfect face, and cascading beautiful locks of auburn hair. Come on Summer. Get some self esteem. The insecure hot girl gig is over and OVERUSED for that matter.

And the writing. Aw man, the writing.
I'm not saying I am a metaphoric and philosophical person, but the writing was awful. One line was used multiple times that just irked me so much.

"I saw him and I burst into flames."

I saw this, I think, 3 times. Why? WHY? WHHHYYY? First, how do you burst into flames? That would be another problem besides being trapped in a cellar. It was just so cliche. It used a very limited vocabulary and I was almost shocked when I heard a grown women wrote the book. I am so close to mailing her a copy of a Merriam Webster Thesarus. That is how atrocious it was. I was in physical pain because of the writing at times. I screamed multiple times and scared my whole family.

Okay, what else can I critique? Oh wait the plot!!!

Throughout the book I thought of scenarios in which the characters could escape. First, the most basic and easy one.

While the kidnapper(Colin/Clover) was in the cellar, poor boiling water on him. Simple. The girls all said they had access to a stove. They could just do this and he would at least be slowed down if not killed from burns.

Next, break a lamp and stab him with that. I know the girls were scared that Colin would fight back, but at least try. Honestly.

Last, (and my favorite) jump on his back and bite the jugular vein like a vampire.

Wow, this is getting very long. The last thing I hated was Colin. He was supposed to be a crazy psychopath. But, honestly he wasn't that frightening to me.

"Good evening flowers" that was his line. His "iconic" heart stopping line. I laughed. I laughed so hard. HE SOUNDS LIKE A GRANDMA GOING TO WATER HER GARDEN. And the author tried so desperately hard to be like Psycho, the movie. I decided to look the book up on wattpad( where it was originally released) and SHE EVEN CASTED COLIN AS THE ACTOR WHO PLAYS NORMAN BATES. She tried too hard with the "mommy hates prostitutes so I automatically became a prostitute hating person as well" card. I did some more research on the topic and learned from medicaldaily.com that you can't just become a psychopath because of your dad doing the dirty with some other ladies. Most people are just born with brain abnormalities that cause them to think that way.

Wow. Overall, unless you are looking for a book that will constantly make you scream in fury and frustration, I recommend something different.