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brianna's Reviews > Along Came a Spider
Along Came a Spider
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This book was so bad. But not bad in an angry-making way where you want to throw it in a fire, bad in a Nic Cage movie way where it's just so unapologetically terrible that it's both unintentionally hilarious and entertaining in a strangely endearing way. Like, you have to finish it even though you're like "what am I doing with my life right now, I only have a limited time of being alive and yet I can't stop reading this".
If you pay any attention whatsoever to the plot, you will have lots of questions by the end of it, like wait why do they think he might have a split personality if his actual full-time job was a teacher at a private school but he's telling his family he's a salesman? That seems pretty deliberate. or what the fuck happened to the ten million dollars though? or, maybe my favourite absolute stand-alone insane moment: who the fuck erected a burning crucifix on the cabin property, and why is it literally NEVER ADDRESSED AGAIN?
This book is chronicles of ridic. And the main detective, Alex Cross, is supposed to be a psychology genius, and his nemesis, Gary Soneji, is also supposed to be a genius, but neither of them do or say ANYTHING that warrants this description. They're both everyday average normal guys.
Oh yeah, and James Patterson is super cute because he's a white dude trying so hard to write a Black detective, and it's not even offensive it's just like, you can tell he's trying so hard and doing his best but it's just kind of a bumbling effort, like bro just relax about it it's okay you don't have to remind your audience 800 times that Det Cross is a Black dude we get it, it's totally fine.
And I can't really hate on Patterson even IF this was a rage-inducing shit book because he promotes reading so hard for young people and has written several books for children and just seems like a really enthusiastic dude who is super into literacy.
Anyhow if you want the mystery/crime/thriller novel equivalent to a bad Nic Cage movie, read this shit.
If you pay any attention whatsoever to the plot, you will have lots of questions by the end of it, like wait why do they think he might have a split personality if his actual full-time job was a teacher at a private school but he's telling his family he's a salesman? That seems pretty deliberate. or what the fuck happened to the ten million dollars though? or, maybe my favourite absolute stand-alone insane moment: who the fuck erected a burning crucifix on the cabin property, and why is it literally NEVER ADDRESSED AGAIN?
This book is chronicles of ridic. And the main detective, Alex Cross, is supposed to be a psychology genius, and his nemesis, Gary Soneji, is also supposed to be a genius, but neither of them do or say ANYTHING that warrants this description. They're both everyday average normal guys.
Oh yeah, and James Patterson is super cute because he's a white dude trying so hard to write a Black detective, and it's not even offensive it's just like, you can tell he's trying so hard and doing his best but it's just kind of a bumbling effort, like bro just relax about it it's okay you don't have to remind your audience 800 times that Det Cross is a Black dude we get it, it's totally fine.
And I can't really hate on Patterson even IF this was a rage-inducing shit book because he promotes reading so hard for young people and has written several books for children and just seems like a really enthusiastic dude who is super into literacy.
Anyhow if you want the mystery/crime/thriller novel equivalent to a bad Nic Cage movie, read this shit.
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Reading Progress
March 8, 2016
–
Started Reading
March 8, 2016
– Shelved
March 13, 2016
–
Finished Reading
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Kelly
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rated it 2 stars
Jul 31, 2019 03:39PM
A bad nic cage film 🤣🤣🤣 spot. On.
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I thought I was the only one who wondered about the burning crucifix and the fact that those two really didn't act according to them description.Ugh, thank you!!
I agree too. When you can see the plot twists coming a mile away, especially every trope ever used for a split personality, it's not terribly enthralling. I did finish it by skipping ahead primarily to find out what happened to the kidnapped kid, which turned out to be just dumb. From other comments on here, I take it the Alex Cross series got better, but I won't be wasting my time finding out.
I’ve never read a review that so accurately described my feelings about a book before. 🙌😂
I agree completely. I also felt like this book could have been about 30% shorter if we hadn't stopped to keep wading through Alex Cross and Jezzy's bad college romance style sex scenes. I actually rolled my eyes at most of it.
Book is all over the place with plot holes, unconvincing characters, and everything else mentioned in this very accurate review!
Where the money went was explained.
There’s no way the guy could have held down two different full time jobs with his two different personalities, and this never seems to occur to anyone! The sex scenes were truly excruciating
Laura wrote: "There’s no way the guy could have held down two different full time jobs with his two different personalities, and this never seems to occur to anyone! The sex scenes were truly excruciating"EXCRUCIATING! Yes, that's SO accurate.
Such an amazing review. Captivated the essence of the book so well. Also why did they keep referring to him as Gary “Soneji/Murphy” the whole book! Like just pick a freakin a name. Also what was the significance with the initial killings of the family? Also cutting off breasts? So many weird dead end stories that lead absolutely nowhere, and ended up with J getting the death penalty? Made absolutely no sense.
Janice I agree. Didn’t like at all, too gory!!!
I totally agree with this review.
This review made me feel better about reading as much of the book as I did. 😆
Love this review. Excruciatingly bad book.
You literally described my entire experience with this book perfectly. I asked why I was wasting my limited time on this earth on this book several times. And I still read the whole thing hoping it would somehow become great! I didn’t. Down to the last page it was just awful.
Doesn’t get much more accurate than this review.
I thought famous author, famous book, is it just me that found it a bit of a drag? Obviously not.
Why do we all keep reading though? White author writing a black main character was so awful. Also, no one gets executed that quickly in our prison system. I also hold this book responsible for all the split personality storylines that started popping up after this book.
Amy wrote: "Why do we all keep reading though? White author writing a black main character was so awful. Also, no one gets executed that quickly in our prison system. I also hold this book responsible for all ..."Dude, I wish I could tell you. You are asking all the right questions haha
This was a great review! Spot on. I so relate to your comment about only living a limited time, that made me laugh. And I hated the character Jezzie, especially her name. Every time I read her name in my mind, I would cringe.
Agree, This book was my first and last James Patterson book…
I enjoyed the book. Their were some instances where things seemed to be all over the place but I think he did a good job on bringing both main characters to life but that’s just me opinion.
Kimlonte wrote: "I enjoyed the book. Their were some instances where things seemed to be all over the place but I think he did a good job on bringing both main characters to life but that’s just me opinion."I agree it's enjoyable! For me it was enjoyable, like I said, in the same way a 'bad' movie is. It's still entertainment! And honestly no judgment for people who love this book uncritically, love what you love and enjoy everything you can in this life
This review captures so much of what I felt in reading this book. Especially how hard Patterson is trying to write a hip, relevant, smart, widower black cop with a Ph.D. Who gets completely taken in by someone I can only envision as White She-Devil from Undercover Brother. Here's one more question for you -- how do three Secret Service agents manage to smuggle a famous blond child who is the most famous kidnap victim of the century from the eastern US to Bolivia?
I do agree that a lot of it felt clunky and most of this review as a whole. Just wanted to also add that there is a small part of a conversation between Jezzie and the other secret service guy she is dating (I forget his name) where she accuses him of following her to the cabin and it seemed implied that he did the burning cross cause he was jealous.
