Optimist ♰King's Wench♰'s Reviews > Beastie Boys Book

I'm sure you're scratching your head about right now thinking, "WTAF is even happening with you, Cupcake????!!!!"

What had happened was...

Audible sent me an email that essentially said: THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING AUDIOBOOK OF 2018!!! BUY THIS SHIT NOW!!!!!!! (paraphrasing since I'm quite certain Bezos wouldn't sanction such language, though evidently, dick pics are ok?)

My reaction was...



I mean, I'm not going to perpetrate and say I've been a Beasties fan since always cuz that's a damn lie. I didn't even pay attention to them until Hello Nasty then sort of backtracked to some others.

Why, you ask?



They were. They totally were. But one of the great things about the book is they admit to their assholery. They don't sugarcoat it or try to say the dog made me do it or some shit. No, they not only wrote a book with all of it in there but they also narrated the book and apologized for it. With sincerity.

As a person who garnered a rep in high school as being a mega-bitch, a rep I might add that between 2-5 yrs later I still had trouble shaking, I can relate to making poor life choices and generally being galactically stupid as a teen and trying to make amends for that shit later in life.



But I digress.

I sort of got into them around Hello Nasty because it was the shit and I knew one of them was dating Ione Skye or something and no way was Ione Fucking Skye dating a douche; another one was, like, a Buddhist or something so I cut them some slack for their earlier douchebaggery. I became somewhat of a fan and still remember where I was when I heard Yauch died. I also remember posting "and then there were two" on FB. No, I've no idea how many likes it got.

Yauch's presence is still very much felt in this book and it's clear how much they continue to miss him. It's also clear how 'outside the box' he pretty much always was.

That does not, however, mean that he wasn't just as much of a crazy mofo as his two cohorts and this book is packed to the gills with one ridiculous and outlandish story after another of these three punk kids running around NYC and having a blast doing it. Along the way we're treated to a history of NYC during the late 70s/early 80s where things like CB/GB and Danceteria were part of the landscape and names like Jean Basquiat, Andy Warhol and the Butthole Surfers are mentioned in passing.

This book is epic in scope. I was blown away by all the details. How they remembered all of it down to playlists and outfits that people wore... Incredible. They take time to pay tribute to everyone who helped them become who they are and not just people like Russell Simmons or Run DMC but the guy who helped them make Polly Wag Stew, Dave Parsons. Dave who would later run into Yauch and had come out as trans but also had cancer and wanted to live out her days in the body she was meant to have. And Yauch made it happen.

The stories are mostly hilarious or weird or weird and hilarious, like, Yauch and Mike D had an apartment with an asphalt floor!

AN ASPHALT FLOOR FFS!



AND it was above a brothel! And they didn't know it was above a brothel until they got their first electric bill and were, like, we're gonna have to move out.



So the super calls and asks if they'd gotten their bill, they say 'yes', the sup says the downstairs neighbor will take care of it since he's using your electricity. Awesome. They go down and IT'S A FUCKING BROTHEL!



I laughed so hard because how do you miss that? But then the story got better because Ad-Rock goes on to say how he was scarred for life since every time he went over to their apartment he'd seem to catch Mike D in the bath. The bath that was in the kitchen! So whenever he got thirsty or hungry he'd get up, do the reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach to the fridge and show all his bits before getting back into the tub.

(a) I thought the NYC/tub in the kitchen thing was an urban legend
(b) one of their mom's when they saw the place was, like, "oh, you can put a piece of wood over it to give you more workspace!"
(c) THE FLOOR WAS FUCKING ASPHALT! Like, if you walked around barefoot, you'd have black feet in 2.4 nanoseconds.



That's just one story amongst a million, all of which had my face doing some calisthenics.





And what made all of these anecdotes even better was the INSANE number of celebrities that narrate. I went into this blind so I figured it would just be Ad-Rock and Mike D trading off.



Not only did the above celeb make an appearance but Ben Stiller, Elvis Costello, Jon Stewart, Bette Midler BETTE FUCKING MIDLER!, Tim Meadows, Steve Buscemi, John C. Reilley, Nas, Snoop, Rosie Perez, Wes Anderson and a bunch of other people, some of whom I knew and some I didn't. I gotta tell you, though, I legit lost my shit when I heard Wanda Sykes' voice come through my speakers.

Wanda Sykes could make fart noises and just say the word "Weimaraner" for, like, 15-20 mins and I'd be in stitches. Her voice and cadence crack me the fuck up, so biased. I also loved Will Ferrell's chapter where he reads a review of, I think, Ill Communication that is the funniest thing ever. The guy's making soup and talks about making the soup more than the album and Will delivers it deadpan...



Indeed. "We" were.

I also really like Amy Poehler's reviews of their videos chapter and Spike Jonze's chapter where he describes photos he took of the Beasties and every one of them is "the best photo ever". It was cute. But really, all of them did a fantastic job and a lot of times they were laughing right along with the stories or Mike D would cut in on Ad-Rock's story and vice versa. It's plain as day they were having a good time with it and that was infectious.

The only weak point for me was when they got on a tear about listing artists that were either influential or some DJ would spin at "x, y, or z" place and that's fine. It is a music book but listing 50+ artists is overkill. And the chapter devoted to Roy Choi's recipes. That didn't translate well to audio.

However, the book is a lot like their albums-some songs speak to you, some don't, some are weird and some you're like...



So it's fitting their book would be the same.

Overall a 4.5 star listen and I would recommend this to anyone who's a fan of the Beasties (obvs) but anyone who's a fan of music as this is an insightful account of the genesis of hip hop and rap music. It really is musical anthropology and I learned quite a bit about the process and the business and was amazed these three just went for it and let the chips fall where they may on numerous occasions. Something that actually turned out to make them pioneers in many things music related. Also, if you love 80s NYC culture, you'll prolly get a kick out of this as well.