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| 1638931801
| 9781638931805
| B0CNGBQRC5
| 4.02
| 117,166
| Jun 04, 2024
| Jun 04, 2024
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did not like it
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My Selling Pitch: Instalove centered around an incoherent plot with unlikable characters, gratingly repetitive pop culture references, and recycled, d My Selling Pitch: Instalove centered around an incoherent plot with unlikable characters, gratingly repetitive pop culture references, and recycled, degrading sex scenes. It has none of the charm of the first book. On my do not read list. Pre-reading: Hi, do you know what my favorite garbage read of last year was? Butcher and Blackbird. By a mile. I ate that shit up. I had that audiobook as my go to bed background noise for weeks. I’m so excited to be back! Thick of it: I don’t read trigger warnings they are spoilers. I love when books have playlists, but I never listen to them. I do love that it’s chapter by chapter though. Happy Fourth of July, everyone. This audiobook is not as good as the first one, already. (But apparently, the male narrator from the first book is a predatory scumbug, so like once again men ruin everything and this is why we can’t have nice things and why we will always pick the bear.) Cool motive, still murder. Pyroclastic Dude, use your words. This is annoying. A minty boy God, I love an Irish accent. You’re a bad professional criminal if you don’t know that people can pop a trunk. OK, but the villain’s voice in the audiobook kind of sounds like Mickey Mouse. That’s cute, but this female audiobook narrator’s laugh is fucking annoying. And that’s such a mean thing to think because people can’t control their laughs and I would never want someone to stifle their laughter but she sounds like a Keebler elf gargling helium. Just say you’re writing Wolf of Wall Street Harley Quinn fan fiction. Like you’re literally writing Margot Robbie. She’s an adult drinking orange soda? That’s weird. Drink a Diet Coke like the rest of us basic bitches. I mean, I don’t think I would recognize a man from a year ago with a concussion, but go off. Well, it’ll be nice if Lark can save Sloane this time. (Negative, kids.) A Sam! This book is very slow and low on the banter compared to the first one, but I think it’s about to pick up now that we’re at 30% and they’re stuck together cause they’re married. (Watch Sam’s hope for this book disintegrate in real time!) OK, 40%, and this is still slow and bad. I haven't seen any of these movies. I'm bored. Take a shot every time this book mentions Constantine. This book makes no sense with their interactions. Like everything gets skipped over. Those muffins are definitely dosed, but like why would a criminal mastermind trust muffins that his enemies are bringing him? I am Lachlan when it comes to these movies. You have no right to spring a medical treatment on her without her consent. What the fuck. This is not acts of service. This is just creepy and overstepping and controlling. This is just a gross revenge fantasy. It’s not even good. It’s gratuitous. Literally so bored. I’ve missed why they went to the club. I gotta go back and read a little bit. I don’t know. I don’t care. I want this to be over. (I went back for the sake of my unhinged summary, and it was still buried.) I don’t think touch my titties is sign language for stay here so I don’t have a panic attack, but go off. (She says while fully grabbing a securi-titty every time she’s looking for a lost object.) Time and place for the horny. This is not the time. This is so abrupt. Why are we acting like him putting her in a trunk was even kind of bad? He wasn’t even that rude to her. Also, she’d literally just murdered a dude. This book is dog shit compared to Butcher and Blackbird. I wanna not read this. I’m so out. I don’t like this at all. And what’s frustrating is I have a feeling I’ll like the smut because I had a great time with Butcher. This is weird to have this be their first sexual interaction. Anyone else? Just me? OK. Otherwise, I’d be into it. This is fun, but I don’t like that it’s their first time. And then my dumb logistical brain is like so many vibration settings would be inconvenient. Anything more than 6 is too many. Public bathrooms are so unsanitary. Why do we always do this? I know this is some people’s kink, but please don’t talk about yourself that way, girlypop. She’s like I was abused as a child, so I think of myself in a negative light when it comes to sex. Bad, so bad. Don’t like it here. Don’t wanna be here. I hate it here. Samantha, if you hate it, why don’t you just skip ahead? I can’t. I’m broken. It’s the way I would eat this man alive for talking to me like that. Sit down, buddy. Someone needs a timeout. me: I’ll suffer through this book because I’ll probably at least like the smut me reaching the smut: nothing can save this You can also take a shot every time this book says trash panda. Did this even get an edit? I feel like an editor didn’t even look at this. They were just like yeah, this’ll sell. Get it out there. Those dumb bitches would buy a keyboard smash as long as it went viral on Booktok. OK, sexual Pinterest- genuinely funny. That is the only line I’ve liked in this book. Good job, Brynne. Oh, absolutely not. Not to be a bitch, but it seems like she’s walking just fine. Anyways, I’ll go. Did I miss something again? Aren’t they at his boss’ house? You can’t just fuck on your boss’ couch. He’s a murderer, guys. Get it together. (I guess they were at their apartment, but I don’t know how we got from searching the criminal database to there.) Wow, I was also like when did his pants come off, and it seems like the author also just remembered or got corrected in an edit, but rather than rewrite, she just snuck in that little aside. He’s so good, she didn’t notice! It’s lazy writing. Wow, that is the world’s slowest melting ice cube or the world’s quickest oral. Pleated. Oh my god, get me out of here. Ha ha, my name isn’t god. It’s my favorite cliché. Dude, she’s gonna get an infection. That is a dookie ice cube on her lady parts right by her pissness. For why? What are we doing here? We don’t mix that shit. Ew. Also, if his hands go anywhere near her face after they’ve just been in her ass, straight to pink-eye jail. I mean, I wouldn’t say it passes over- On this episode of Samantha gets hung up on prepositions during sex scenes. (And if you feel bad for the authors, imagine the poor illiterate Tinder boys.) Oh thank god, he’s washing his hands. This book’s plot is incoherent. She’ll follow his lead just this once? She’s been doing it all book. She let a man tell her to crawl. You can also take a shot every time they mention poor Keanu Reeves. Like the first book was garbage, but it was fun garbage. This is not fun. This is just garbage. Hey guys, you know what time it is? Fun in funerals. (Wrong) ((This cliche being untrue in a book like this feels especially criminal.) That’s a pretty little line right there. I like how in both books these women are badass serial killers right until they fall in love, and then the man needs to save them, but OK. Lachlan gives I put an AirTag on you without your consent so I could keep tabs on you for your safety and not because I’m a controlling freak vibes. He also seems like the type of dude who would make you share your Uber ride with him, but OK. Who the fuck is Nina? Her mom? It’s probably her mom. I’m clearly so invested in this book.) There’s so little left in this book. We can’t be leaving this much plot to 10%. And you know there’s gonna be another sex scene before this is over. (Technically no because I struggle to count post scripts as canon especially if you’re gonna put that bonus content behind a paywall.) What the fuck! Why did we hurt the dog? Not the dog! I don’t care about the dog at all, but like just on principle. We don’t touch the dogs. If it’s a stab wound to the abdomen, wouldn’t you have to like close up his other organs too? If you just sew it shut, isn’t he just gonna have internal bleeding? I don’t know. I’m not a vet. My wife’s in the hands of a serial killer! Quick I better picture her nakie! Just, time and place for horny. Samantha, how much of a hellscape is your brain? They’re gonna bake her to death, Samantha‘s brain: It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes. ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jun 07, 2024
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Jun 09, 2024
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May 14, 2024
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ebook
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| 1728299985
| 9781728299983
| B0C44CFZPD
| 4.51
| 153,935
| Nov 29, 2018
| Oct 24, 2023
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really liked it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Irish Shameless. Enjoyably cringe Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Irish Shameless. Enjoyably cringe and cliche and melodramatic. Still tries to make teenagers far too sexy but also, I am an old. Pre-reading: Wow, I really don’t wanna read this, but I am nothing if not a finisher. Thick of it: You get some lovely, dramatic lines that are made for TV, and then it immediately defaults back into the cringe. It’s such a shame. Where’s Joey’s book? He’s the best one. Oh man, what an opener. Where was this book lol? Are they seriously trying to pretend this 17-year-old with a broken dick is psychic? (No guys, they just have like such a deep soul tie! Gag.) What on earth does “like someone wired to NASA” mean? I love Joey. OK, the family drama in this is leaps and bounds better, and it’s probably because we’re getting more Joey. Except like you literally are a child. Oh, absolutely horny jail. Ugh, the romance is gonna ruin any family drama points this book was winning. God. I don’t think some random schoolboy is entitled to ask you that, and I know they think they’re in love because book one set that up, but I just don’t buy their relationship at all. Literally their mom is so ill that she’s a villain, and if this book doesn’t treat it like how Joey treats it, I’m gonna be pissed. I think it’s just silly how sexual and how serious their relationship is because the book doesn’t need that. The book would be so much better without all that. If this book was just a family drama, I would eat it up. Why is Johnny’s mom so weird? She doesn’t act like a real person. How does she know that Shannon‘s mom tried to have him suspended in January if she didn’t know about the ball incident that sent Shannon to the hospital? Oh lol, they’re literally telling me right now. It’s like they’re closing the gaping plot holes of book one. Aw, Joey is a Capricorn. I knew I liked him. This is a fundamentally different book from the first one. She’s low-key kinda good right now. All these arguments and perspectives are so valid. Oh, let’s not pull a Tamlin and lock a bitch away. There must’ve been a year or two between this book and the first one because the writing has improved a bunch. And then the second I say that, it careens off a cliff again. If he’s just smoking weed, I swear to god- It’s still take a shot every time it’s Shannon like the river and not just fucking Shannon. (You would die.) Me: wow, the series is really trying to be more serious. Also the series: arguing about the plural of genitals Also, also the series: chapter 17-dangerous pussy Why does his mom think he’s sitting around watching porn with his buddy? That’s weird. She would like pineapple on pizza. See, the book’s like let’s tackle serious topics like rape, and abuse, and codependency. The book’s like this is a serious, healthy relationship. And then the book’s like he thinks he’s in love because he could fuck a bunch of other girls and it wouldn’t mean anything. It’s just so unserious, and such bad internalized misogyny, and like the objectification of women, and also just so much sexualization of children. I’m not saying your teenage characters shouldn’t fuck or be horny. I’m just saying you as the adult writer should not be trying to make those scenes sexy. Take a shot every time this book drops in keep to play off the title. Dare I say I’m having a good time? Three stars so far. Why does everyone keep saying he’s 18. He’s not 18. Stop calling him that. He’s literally 17. He is also a child. And 18 is still a goddamn baby. Fuck me, I’m OLD. Guys, what if I like this book? Like it’s still not well written, but the dialogue is really hitting this time. She’s juicy. She’s drama. I love Joey. See, again. Why the predatory adults around children? And the book’s like tehee, it’s a joke because they’re boys. It’s not funny. If book one was Normal People, this is Shameless. Oh, don’t do that. Men know what makeup is. They know. Kinda live, laugh, loving this time around. Guys, I’ve hit the I want a Joey book. I want a Lizzie book. I want a Gibsie book. See, like I would buy all this dialogue if they were older, but you can’t tell me people are seeking out a 16-year-old boy for oral. It’s so GROSS to me. I could do without them trying to make underage sex sexy. I don’t trust Joey not to kill himself, but like I love Joey. Me: this book is very serious this time around. Also this book: chapter 35- tissues and ejaculation issues. Right at work. Right at the front desk. Thank you so much, Chloe. God, I think about that constantly-how statistically your first few relationships won’t last, and I’m like please, just let me get them over with! Someone gets this boy a Snickers. I would like to see that playlist. (Criminal that it’s not included.) This tiny shit irritates me like nothing else. Me and my size 10s will be over here lmao. Again, would be on board if they were of age, but let’s not make children sexy thanx!!! (Chloe can clearly write sex scenes, but let’s take that talent and put it on twenty-somethings instead of teenagers ffs.) She’s not going on 17. She literally just turned 16. She literally is a child. I want to be on board, but they’re just so little omg. This book is way better than the first. It’s a little fanfiction-y with the snippets, but it’s fun. Not the do you feel like a man when you push her around ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Mar 31, 2024
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Apr 05, 2024
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Mar 31, 2024
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Kindle Edition
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| 031657029X
| 9780316570299
| B0BTZ2N4B8
| 4.08
| 20,763
| May 16, 2022
| May 23, 2023
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liked it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read an unserious i Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read an unserious instalove monster romance that isn’t quite satire? She’s a romp. Pre-reading: I both love and hate these covers. Thick of it: One of us, one of us. Kindle Unlimited is a cult, I swear. Anything you read, I’ll do to you when you get home!!! All us book girlies are exactly the same. Rom coms love toilet humor. I love the pirate captain and her hyena. I can’t wait for her book. G spot sin This is me absolutely nitpicking, but I hate that it’s down her cunt and not up it. This book is adorable. I want to stay with you, in your room, in your bed. Okay well, that’s not gonna happen. That audio lives rent-free in my head. How does it always become tentacles? I sign up for hairy beast men and somehow I wind up with kinky calamari. Girlypop kinda knows how to write dirty talk, and I will not be commentating further. Samantha: having a grand old time Also Samantha: the logistics of the up and down prepositions are not working and it’s breaking my mental stage directions Lol a duskwalker? Me normally: how do they just adjust to the supernatural so fast? Me right now: let the dog in the house His grumpy inner monologue is so cute. Also, the audiobook narrator is so good. OK, this is probably just a me thing, but I really dislike how manipulative he is. Like I know the whole demon thing, but it’s just a little too calculated and like you’re forcing her hand. It’s turning me off. He’s like I’m gonna steal her book, so she touches me. I’m gonna threaten to throw her in the river unless she says what I want. Like it’s innocent-ish teasing, but it’s also like it’s only been a few days, and don’t force people to do things. It’s a little gaslighty. I don’t think it would bother me as much if the relationship was more established, but because there’s already hinky issues of consent, it’s kind of like you need someone to enthusiastically choose this, not be manipulated into it, you know? (Didn’t ruin the book for me, but did prevent me from book boyfriending.) I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s so funny. (The gator sword bit.) A little bit Alexis ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 19, 2024
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May 20, 2024
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Dec 18, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| B0CDWHN8FK
| 4.40
| 478,547
| Apr 02, 2024
| Apr 02, 2024
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did not like it
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My Selling Pitch: YTA. 400 pages of toxic positivity and every viral millennial TikTok from 2023. On my do not read list. Pre-reading: I have not been My Selling Pitch: YTA. 400 pages of toxic positivity and every viral millennial TikTok from 2023. On my do not read list. Pre-reading: I have not been living under a rock. My TBR is just longer than my lifespan. I read one of Abby Jimenez‘s books (The Friend Zone) years ago before I got into doing reviews and thought it was fine, bordering on bad. But I guess that’s her most disliked release, and then everyone and their mother has been loving her new releases so we’re picking this one up, and if I love it, I will probably bump the other two that I’ve skipped up the TBR. A really cute cover except that the dog looks like it was drawn by someone who’s never seen dogs before. (Which fits the book so-) Thick of it: OMG, finally an author that gets that trigger warnings are spoilers and warns you not to read. If you’re posting on Reddit, you’re the asshole. And the romance book toilet humor has started. Get me out of here. Yeah, you’re the asshole if you name a dog something you hate even in jest. That’s really fucked up. Also, for the first time in my life, team Chad. Absolutely buy a house rather than keep renting if it’s the perfect house. In this economy? He can find a new roommate and stick some of those Amazon window films on it so he doesn't have to see the billboard. Problem solved. OK, I know I’m a sociopath for liking soggy fries and squeezing ketchup over them instead of being a dipper, but everyone else should be raging against this woman for slathering her fries. AND she doesn’t like pickles? This woman’s a criminal. (More Sam lore-pickles are my favorite food in the entire world.) Romance brings up serial killers sin. But like it’s his fault for agreeing site unseen. He could’ve toured the studio before he signed the lease. What are we even talking about? First impressions- I don’t like this book. I am extremely anti-Q-tip. They freak me out. I wonder if this is one of the numbers you can actually call because it doesn’t have the fake 555 in it? (Oh my god, it is. It redirects to the author’s bakery.) I also think about that all the time. I feel like I should’ve had a truck moment by now. Just attracted to anyone by now I hate the artsy fartsy fuck off mom trope. This book is cringe. I don’t like Justin. He gives me red flags. I feel like he loves karaoke, and that’s just not my vibe at all. Take a shot every time this book mentions food. It’s been so few pages and there’s been so many meals. (It makes more sense knowing that the author is a baker, but it’s also inexcusable.) I can’t imagine FaceTiming in public. I mean, I’m very shy and self-conscious, but like that’s psychotic behavior to me. How do you have a 29-year-old brother and a kid who can’t pronounce his name? That’s a wild age gap. Who the fuck uses the word twitterpated in real life? The only reason I know that word is because it was on a drinking glass from some Disney Bambi McDonald’s thing that my boomer parents had as like a trivia fun fact. Oh wow, and a full name drop for that bakery. (Because it’s the author’s bakery.) Maddie is the only sane human in this book. And title drop. I’m sorry they’re gonna have to row across a lake every day to go to work as nurses at a hospital? Are you joking? Do you know how creeped out I would be if some stranger from the Internet just up and showed up in my state? They’re nurses and they don’t know that they’ve done research studies that the people who smell the best to you are the people whose immune systems are the most different from your own so that babies will have a sort of hybrid vigor? (Not everyone is a fucking nerd, Samantha, but also I feel like this is a decently well-known fun fact at this point.) Dude, I also hate libras. Stuffy feels like an homage to Cherry Jubilee or whatever the fuck Sarah J. Maas’s dildo unicorn is. So like the mansion owner is definitely gonna fuck her mom right? (Mhmm.) Dinner, escape room, steakhouse, business casual, contactless, safety says transport myself, but also I can’t drive, so pick me up. You know fuck around and find out, girlypop. What do you mean you didn’t consider how hard it was gonna be to drive a boat to work every day? Are you stupid? This is why you’re single. Dude, that’s why you’re single. You’re too worried about making someone else like you than figuring out if you even like them. And you’re compensating for yourself??? I can’t with this book. These people are too old for this shit. This is 22-year-old behavior. Justin is a bottom, and I’m bored. You’re a nurse and 28 and don’t carry a Tide pen? I’m not a cat person. Things that should’ve been asked on his goddamn survey: do you have any allergies? Also, they started their conversation being like we’re dog people, so why would date one be cats. Do not buy an $85 creepy baby on sentimentality alone. That’s fucking weird. You had a pussy named Cooter. Guys. I’ve hit DNF territory. Like this will be an absolutely fine book, and it’s just not for me. This is not my style of humor. This is not my style of writing. I hate breakfast, and I hate crust. That’s literally just the olive theory. This book is just every millennial TikTok about relationships, and I’m tired. Here’s my #TragicBackstory. One time, I turned orange. Get me out of this book. I disagree so vehemently with that. You do not have to forgive the people who abused you. You just don’t. A Sam! I fucking love Uno. You know, none of these little tidbits have any weight to the story when they only last a paragraph. It’s like trauma bingo. Well, that was a gem, but also completely fucked. When someone dies it’s just them sacrificing themselves for someone else? How very Jesusy. Get it the fuck away from me. Wow, we’ve descended into active visceral hatred for this book. Oh yeah, let’s just skip over an hour of their very first in-person interaction with each other. That fucking makes sense. Oh, so her mom‘s bipolar. I’m too old for this shit. I’m 28, and I still make myself small because of my mommy issues. Grow up. Go to therapy. Get it together. You’re a nurse you must have good health insurance. I mean, even if your mom is psycho, you’re psycho if you turn down lobsters and bloody Marys. But also how much fucking food is in this book? I’m sorry, who just has spare bathing suits lying around, and who just puts them on? You don’t know whose crotches have been in those. What are you doing? Who skips over sunblocking the man? Where was our ridiculous Ali Hazelwood sunscreen scene? I hate this book. Telling each other the truth when you ask for it is literally the bare minimum. What do you mean? This book was literally made by TikTok at this point. I’m just assuming his mom committed embezzlement. Like what else would it be? This isn’t the land. This is Glendale. Seriously, take a shot every time this book mentions food. Emma is delusional and needs to grow up. You’re 28. You have your own life separate from your mother at this point. Get over it. Oh cool, so she’s deeply mentally ill too. This book is predictable and unrealistic and stupid. Oh bullshit. She’s not gonna serve her full sentence. Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t be mad at your mom for committing a crime because you don’t know what she was going through? Are you fucking kidding me? What a shit mentality. There’s motive behind every crime. They’re still crimes. This book is garbage. What a shitty life perspective. Toxic positivity at its finest. No, some people actively want to be the villain. That’s what revenge is. This book is literally just 2023’s TikTok. This book is just a grocery list. This book is horrible. She is not seriously trying to romanticize jail. (Oh but she is.) A minty boy cliche She literally stole from charity. This is not sad. You’re mad at the nonprofit your mother stole from. That is literally victim blaming. You can offer her that DICK. I’m sorry. I’ll leave. I have no time for insecure men. Maybe I’m a chronic overthinker, but I feel like having a basic plan in place for your kids should you meet your untimely demise is something you figure out before you have the damn kids and revise as necessary. Also, boo-hoo you have to take care of the children that you chose to have. Like yeah, you do. They are literally optional. Why would you wait to move stuff? Who wants to lift furniture while they’re grieving? Like all these people in this book keep creating their own problems. Maddy is a good fucking friend. Maddy is the only sane person in this book. I know I’m a pervert, but the ‘he looks so snuggly. I can’t stop thinking about the docking station’ sounds dirty. I literally don’t know what this man sees in this woman. Like okay, she’s hot and you think she possesses working empathy, but she’s actually just straight delulu. Take a shot every time this book says docking station. Literally you’re an adult and you work as a nurse. You know how to handle yourself when you’re sick. You’re going across the lake on a floaty? You’re an idiot. She has a tummyache. It’s not that fucking deep. I hate this book. I just don’t believe that any 28-year-old is this unprepared for life when she’s had to essentially raise herself. It’s very People We Meet on Vacation, and I can’t stand that book either. Oh, and then they fuck. Nothing says horny quite like stomach bile. Why are you stealing your roommate’s condoms? What’s wrong with you? How old are you? Where has Maddy been staying for all of this? They might have told us, and I just missed it because I’m checked out because I hate this book. But like where is she? Sorry, I know this is a romance book, and they’re trying to be romantic, but I was made to experience more than just some man. These people are basically 30. This reads like middle school. And oh boy, his magical penis works, and now she wants to stay with him in Michigan! Er-Minnesota. Those are different things. Where is poor Maddy in all of this? She’s like completely forgotten. Maddy is literally the only sane human in this book. Hey, this still reads like textbook mental illness, so I wouldn’t go so far as to say your mom is not mentally ill. She’s definitely a piece of shit, but she’s definitely also mentally ill. This book literally makes no sense. In order to adopt her, they would have to legally go through her family, so then they would find her relative. Si Maddy‘s parents must’ve known that she had more family. Also, Maddy Google searched some random Reddit dude and found information in seconds. I don’t buy for a second that in the years of them trying to track down her mom and keep up with where her mom fled to that they wouldn’t have found the other family members. This is garbage. Even just a cursory Google for the supposedly dead grandparents’ obits. I mean he can have her arrested for arson and collect insurance money. Dude’s set. Here’s the thing, Maddy is a better love interest. No, it’s definitely what’s best. They should not be together. I need to Google if Maddy has her own book. I think these are cameos from her other books, but I don’t know these people because I haven’t read the other books. I can’t emphasize this enough: don’t show up at people’s houses unannounced. It’s not romantic. A gem of a quote if acts of service are your love language, but that is so firmly not mine. Don’t you dare self-sacrifice for me over fucking bread. This book: I’m willing to do the bare minimum for a relationship. Also this book: oh my god, that’s the most romantic thing someone has ever done in the history of ever! Literally see. No one ever serves their full sentence. Our justice system is a joke. Don’t propose with shit. Post-reading: Objectively this is two stars. It's readable. But for personal enjoyment, one fucking star. I hated every second of this. It's just not my style of writing or humor. It's so brain-numbing that I'd file it under cozy. It’s millennial humor that all feels lifted from last year’s TikToks. I don’t like the book’s messaging. I think it falls into toxic positivity. People should be punished for their crimes. You do not owe anyone your forgiveness. It has a victim-blaming mentality. The characters are constantly making problems for themselves by not using any forethought. Don’t sign on for apartments without viewing the place. Carry basic first aid with you especially if you’re a travel nurse. Think through the logistics of boating to work every day. Like just grow up. These people are in their thirties and are painfully immature. It’s plotholey. The book opens with the girls cyber stalking the love interest, but in all their years together, neither of them did a cursory Google on the main character’s mother? I don’t believe you. So much of the plot is glossed over that it feels insane that this book somehow bloated out to the 400-page mark. I think you could lose an easy twenty pages just by taking out all the food references that add nothing and I do mean nothing to the story. The phrase docking station is in here an ungodly amount of times. None of the characters’ traumas have any weight because they’re just dropped on the reader and resolved within a paragraph or two of info dumping. I didn’t buy the romance. It felt instalovey. I thought the characters were flat and dweeby and insecure. That’s not attractive. Their banter was cringe. They had no chemistry for me. What do they even like about each other? Okay, they both think the other one is hot and they admire how caring they are towards other people. That’s not enough to build a relationship on? Where are the shared interests or hobbies or lifestyles or fucking anything? The book’s strongest character and only functional adult is Maddy, and yet the text treats her like an overprotective, pushy joke. I don’t think the book handles its family drama subplot well. I think characters resolve their traumas too quickly, and in a way that feels more like a recitation of therapy buzzwords than actual growth. There’s so much toilet humor. I don’t get why that’s so popular in contemporary romances. I think it’s gross. I don’t want to read it. And yet I understand why people are going to like this book. It’s easy to read. It pretends to be deep. It’s #quirky. It scratches a similar itch to romance’s current heavy hitters- Emily Henry and Ali Hazelwood. In particular, I think that if you liked Henry’s People We Meet on Vacation and disliked Book Lovers, you’ll probably get on well with this book. If you’re an overthinking cynical Capricorn slut like me, you’re probably gonna hate this. Who should read this: The Emily Henry girlies who loved People We Meet on Vacation Millennial humor fans Ali Hazelwood girlies Do I want to reread this: Fuck no. Similar books: * People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry-toilet humor, presented as a rom-com, but the characters are actually toxic * Sammy Espinoza’s Last Review-generic romance with a family drama subplot * Hello Stranger by Katherine Center-rom-com, delulu behavior, presented as a rom-com, but the characters are actually toxic, family drama subplot * For Butter or Worse by Erin La Rosa-generic rom-com * The Dating Dare by Jayci Lee-generic cringe rom-com * The Kiss Quotient by Helena Hoang-cringe rom-com, family drama subplot * Beach Read by Emily Henry-bookish romance with a family drama subplot * Anatomy of a Meet Cute by Addie Woolridge-generic romance with a family drama subplot * Welcome to Beach Town by Susan Wiggs-mommy book club read, family drama, romantic subplot * The Suite Spot by Trish Doller-generic single mom romance, millennial humor * Too Wrong to Be Right by Melonie Johnson-holiday rom-com, family drama subplot ...more |
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1
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Apr 05, 2024
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Apr 07, 2024
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Nov 26, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| B0BTZ2MDLL
| 3.91
| 42,054
| Jul 22, 2021
| May 23, 2023
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it was ok
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My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read an unserious instalove monster romance that isn’t quite satire? Pre-reading: I can’t decide if I really like these My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read an unserious instalove monster romance that isn’t quite satire? Pre-reading: I can’t decide if I really like these covers or if they’re detailed to the point it’s gross. Does that make any sense? I feel like no, but if you’re the same brand of psychotic, then maybe! I’m. In. The. Mood. For. Garbage. Thick of it: Immediately funny. What an opening line. Girlypop’s not like other girls. She has a sense of self-preservation. Fuck, now I want cheddar. I think it’s good that I’m in the mood for garbage, otherwise, I would probably hate this. But I also don’t think it hides the fact that it’s garbage. I feel like if you pick this up expecting a Pulitzer, something went very wrong. It’s very Apprentice to the Villain. Just cheeky and for the meme. Lich Phylactery It’s very stilted and info-dumpy dialogue. The Familiar is a more serious version of this. Same ridiculous cup breaking haha. I don’t understand how you keep an entire loaf of bread in your pocket, but go off. Okay, but what self-respecting kindle unlimited girlie isn’t down to fuck the demon. I love hyenas. Haha ye old birth control Wow, he’s a dragon and a shadow daddy. No wonder this is seeing a surge in popularity. Like it’s not well written, but it is entertaining. It’s camp as hell. If you like Assistant to the Villain, you’ll probably like this. It’s just horcruxes. Post-reading: It’s entertaining smooth brain reading material. It’s never laugh-out-loud funny. It can be a little cringe and immersion breaking with the anachronisms, but the modern slang and unseriousness of the book is the whole point. It’s insta lovey. The sex scenes are pretty tame all things considered. The book has a plot just so that the author can write demon smut, and you know, I respect it. The characters are pretty bland. The dialogue can come off as stilted and info-dumpy. But like who’s picking this book up expecting a book, you know? Tonally it reminds me of Shrek. It’s self-aware that what it’s doing is bonkers, but also it’s trying to be romantic. It’s a nice palate cleanser after heavy books. It’s not quite satire. I wish it had leaned into that a bit more, but it was OK. I think you need to be in the mood to read this type of book otherwise it’s gonna piss you off. Who should read this: Fans of camp Monster romance girlies Unserious palette cleansers Do I want to reread this: Nah, but I’ll continue Similar books: * Assistant to the Villain-camp, tropey, fantasy romance * The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo-if you want the takes itself seriously version of this book, historical magical realism romance * Toasty Inside by Zoe Mona-bonkers Christmas smut * Transcontinental Breakfast by Thundertail Slapbush-bonkers food porn with emotional depth * Uncommonly Verdant by Daria Vernon-bonkers fantasy smut, girlypop fucks a tree * Unhinged by Vera Valentine-bonkers magical realism smut, girlypop fucks a door * Bears in Mind by Sam Hall-why choose, bear shifter romance * Hooked by Emily McIntyre-Disney villain retellings, dark romances * A Soul to Keep by Opal Reyne-fantasy monster smut with plot * Bride by Ali Hazelwood-urban fantasy romance * The Guest with Claws by Ella Maven-bonkers urban fantasy alien smut ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 03, 2024
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May 05, 2024
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Nov 20, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| B09VV2CR51
| 4.06
| 374,494
| Jun 24, 2022
| Jun 24, 2022
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really liked it
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My Selling Pitch: Just some smooth-brain romance reading. Hot smut, very little plot. Save them horses. Pre-reading: My mental decline can be measured My Selling Pitch: Just some smooth-brain romance reading. Hot smut, very little plot. Save them horses. Pre-reading: My mental decline can be measured by how many ponies are present in a book. Yee fucking haw. Thick of it: I am a Heartland girlie. I love Calgary. Immediately, yes. It’s gonna be stupid, and I’m gonna have a good time. Willa is me. Every book has bears. Licorice and leather is a new one. Not the I’m an empath line. Take a shot every time this book blows a raspberry. Omg, her ex must've given her a body part (Besides his penis, but no, wrong!) Rom-com mentions serial killers sin I have like no complaints. This is exactly what I signed up for. It's sexy. It's stupid. It’s Hallmark. Oh, I guessed wrong about the ex. I feel like this book is gonna be him saving her from getting assaulted and then retiring to be a bull coach and like I don’t really wanna read that. (We are safe.) I hate how much a princess nickname during dirty talk works for me, but it fuckin does. Elsie Silver said oral fixation, check. Ponies, check. Beard, check. Elsie Silver gets it. Like girlypop gets it. Tall socks because of the boots. The wardrobe malfunctions. If girlypop has no fans I am dead. What if he’s written mine ...more |
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1
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Aug 15, 2024
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Aug 17, 2024
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Oct 21, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 125086691X
| 9781250866912
| B0C1X64T4N
| 4.21
| 119,850
| Feb 20, 2024
| Feb 20, 2024
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it was ok
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a generic and Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a generic and predictable enemies to lovers romantasy that feels like a poor man’s SJM novella? Do you want to read about a size kink so much it’s practically an Ali Hazelwood book? Pre-reading: On this episode of Samantha reads ya fantasy against her will because she wants to be like the other girls and also it’s a book box pick. I think all versions of this cover are hideous. I think it’s very dumb that books have different titles in different countries. Thick of it: It’s giving nazi Germany. Why the illusion of a donkey if you own a horse? Oh, she’s adopted? Can’t wait for her to be the chosen one/missing princess. (Ask me again in book two.) The Crimson Moth is the worst superhero name. The Crimson Chin, however-(There’s a Saltburn period joke in here somewhere.) Why hide bloody sheets? Why not burn them? Lol Gideon from Maeve, but I still only think of the Criminal Minds guy Rhys and Amarantha I’ll bet. (I swear I just open books. I don’t even read blurbs. I’m just like this. It’s horrible.) It reminds me of TOG- specifically the costume party in the novella where she dances with Dorian. I’m kinda bored. They’re being dumb. Like obviously she’s involved if she owns the ships. What about like a bloody nose? Or like needles? Leeches? You can def get blood without scars. When does she have time for fashion to be her specialty? Why does the Fairyloot cover have pink hair if she’s strawberry blonde? Did we run out of characters in the email to the artist? How does he have two hours to make a flower? I thought he was late to her party. He’s late and he spent two extra hours making a flower? What do you mean. Oh, she’s got little hands? This is giving Ali Hazelwood with the size difference fixation, but also I have that kink so carry on. Why is no one questioning her name? Rune-like that’s literally a magic symbol. And they’re like oh yeah, she’s not a witch. What do you mean? His parents are named Sun and Levi. What do you mean. What do you mean what connected these things? Obviously revenge, you dumb whore. A piney boy She might be worse than Hazelwood with the man is big mentions. This is a little rushed in the romantical depot for me. I feel like maybe it’s the baby sister murdering everyone as like a vampire? I dunno something undead. Oh lol, never mind. Not the sister. Definitely an undead Verity. Get a bucket and a mop ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Mar 10, 2024
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Mar 11, 2024
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Oct 19, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 0593499735
| 9780593499733
| B0CCXQ4JWQ
| 2.96
| 510
| Apr 16, 2024
| Apr 16, 2024
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did not like it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Imagine reading Hernan Cortes team Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Imagine reading Hernan Cortes teams up with his gay bestie, John Hawkins, the father of the slave trade, to launch his vampire facial skincare line. Also featuring Judas, yes like from the Bible Judas, as our insta-love interest to little miss girlypop shoves a stick of butter up her asshole so it can wink like a sea anemone. And being like, yeah, this should be published. Truly, one of the worst things I’ve ever read. It will probably be my worst book of the year, and it is so firmly on my do-not-read list. Pre-reading: Sorry to this cover, but she looks like an AI Sim dislocating her hip. Vampires are so back, baby. I know nothing about this book only that it involves vampires and that I’ve been seeing it everywhere. Thick of it: I wanna go to Ireland. Immediately no. DNF. It’s giving YA dear diary. It’s giving performative woke. (But you know who doesn’t DNF books? This stupid bitch.) Sun of Blood and Ruin primed me for this lol. What are the odds? This writing is so stilted. There’s nothing sexy about this. This feels like Ali Hazelwood’s Bride, but way worse. I know I am extremely biased, but tell me this isn’t Colin O’Donoghue. Oh, the insta lust is insane. This is so cringe. This is author insert wish fulfillment. This is unreadable. I’m at 5%. Oh no. Bee movie pussy. Get me out of here. This is so poorly written. How does he suck you with his eyes and his stubble, girlypop? (You gotta appreciate the irony of me nitpicking grammar when I write like this.) This is so bad. I might actually DNF. What do you mean bull rider precision? There’s no precision to bull riding. I feel like saying pots of gold exist about the Irishman is not great optics. Oh look, his name is Colin. They didn’t even try to hide it. This is Colin O’Donoghue. And like I get it. I’m also obsessed with that man. Your great revenge plan is paying people for artifacts they stole? Make it make sense. This book thinks it’s sexy and feminist, but it is not. copal I like how she’s like he’s a good man because he owns an old bookstore, and I’m like girlypop, have you met extreme horror men? That’s funny. I was literally wondering if Tabasco came from Tabascans, and then I was like don’t write that down. That’s so out of pocket, Samantha. Don’t be culturally insensitive. But turns out I’m just an etymologist. Do you think she can eat period blood? (This is never addressed and that feels like a crime.) You’re joking. The villain is Hernan Cortes. Who okayed this book? She’s a sex worker because she’s a #StrongIndependentWoman. She’s got AirPods. And girlypop just left her defenseless and passed out on a bench. #Feminism. This is unreadable. (Take a shot every time Samantha hits a wall in this book and writes this and yet continues on.) Imagine you’re the publisher and you’re like yeah, I’m gonna publish a book where Hernan Cortes checks his email. Wow, he has a gay friend? What an ally. I hate it here. I’m sorry his gay friend John Hawkins. The man who established the slave trade. I have no words. How was this published? Oh my god, and now he’s Jeffree Star. You’re telling me someone read Hernan Cortes and John Hawkins team up to make a skincare line out of vampire juice and said send it to the presses. How is this not satire? She paid her $400. She can definitely make more than that in a week. What do you mean? I literally don’t know how I’m gonna finish this. It’s just the constant sexual assault commentary that thinks it’s saying something, but it’s not. It’s all virtue signaling. The fake feminism. I’m getting so angry, and it’s written so horribly. It’s like worse than Wattpad. And you can tell it thinks it’s being really woke and making an impact. I will be shocked if this is not my worst book of the year. I’m not a zombie girl. huipil caciques macana Imagine being a hundreds of years old vampire who’s been seducing men her whole life and still being like what if he thinks my titties are ugly? Then you eat him, girlypop. Do the math! I don’t care how you look. I would hope my man cares how I look. I’m the greatest good he’s ever gonna get. I am literally begging you not to use anatomical terms in sex scenes. It’s gross. I HATE IT HERE Wish I was a freight train baby ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Apr 21, 2024
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Apr 23, 2024
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Oct 06, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 0593723015
| 9780593723012
| B0C5V8HGJL
| 3.60
| 14,480
| Jan 23, 2024
| Jan 23, 2024
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did not like it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Avatar but this time they're ridin Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Avatar but this time they're riding the cats instead of *riding* the cats. On my do not read list Pre-reading: No thoughts. Head empty. The blue Fairyloot edition is very pretty. My friend read this and said it was very meh, and I trust her opinion, so I've been putting this off but like maybe it’ll be okay? Thick of it: Only reading this god‘s name as bosom. Imagine wanting kids. Bat boy origin story for the fae fucking confirmed. Get Sarah out of here. You’re telling me I have to read about two different species of pointed-ear fucks in this book? (On this episode of Samantha just opens books.) Yeeran. As in ye ran? Oh christ. Soldiers giving birth on the battle line is common? Be so forreal right now. What in the epidural are they taking that they’re going around swinging swords with gaping crevices? Maybe you don’t have enough soldiers because they’re too busy lugging around pieces of wood as your maps. What do you mean? This is so clunky already. DNF She doesn’t like to be interrupted and she talks slow? My absolute nightmare. This isn’t even a sex scene and already we’re getting turn-by-turn instructions for inserting tab A into slot B. It’s not vivid imagery to track their hands like this. It’s just bad writing. Wow, it sounds like her army will not be there in the morning. The city of guuuurl. Is this the drum equivalent of catgut strings lol? That doesn’t rhyme? Oh wow, right in on the child soldiers. The book: our people are starving Also the book: we planted inedible flowers as ye olde Febreze because stinky dead bodies are like way more of a pressing issue What do you mean. Who published this? I wanna talk. Credit where credit is due- I have never seen a book use drums in place of guns, but like also what the fuck. So if they’re capable of making paper to make letters, why are we carrying around slabs of wood as our battlefield maps? Lgbtq+ elves If these critters are so valuable, why aren’t they breeding them? Def aesthetic uniforms, but there's no way those are practical in battle OK, disability rep. I see you. I think it’s interesting that the book keeps having a blue aesthetic, but then the original cover is red. The Fairyloot special edition is blue, and it seems like it fits the story way better. It’s such awkward, passive voice writing. I assume her sister is the waning moon, and she’s going to turn against her tribe because they’re murdering the fae or some shit? Oh there! So they’re like fucking pandas. They won’t breed in captivity. How does a captain of the army not know basic battlefield first aid? Oh my god, guys, they have the same favorite book. Do you think they’ll fall in love? I hate it here. Oh, I’m glad a concussion can heal in an hour. I can't not think of Hunger Games when people drink from trees. Goodness, this is insta lovey and heavy-handed with the romance. Nah, it's gonna be one bed. But like it’s so soon for that! Okay acotar lol A deep cut, but I’m just picturing them as mweors. Anyone else just picturing Furiosa? Like I know I’m wrong, but same vibe, same girl crush. And title drop The author: Look, audience, I thought about world-building! The audience: oh cool, what’s the answer? The author: Psh, I said, I thought about it. I didn’t say I figured out any answers. Book is very #fashion lol. It reminds me of Avatar. I mean, like obviously a cat is going to bind her so that they have to stop the execution. Very Fourth Wing Lol they follow a sun diet? Like that crazy vegan couple that starved their baby to death. This romance is so forced. It’s funny because it’s hitting things that would normally work in books, but it’s just not working. OK, so the queens are definitely gonna die and that glass staircase is definitely gonna break. God, I’m so bored. I wish I DNFed books. Why is the cat so willing to turn traitor on her whole family and species? I assume Komi is the two-bladed tyrant guy. I'm so boreddddd So like the not!Cinna is definitely fucking the prince, right? A simple mistake? She got 350 people killed, girlypop. Lmao Crescent City’s otter mail, but it’s just bush babies. This book’s pacing sucks. YOU KILLED HER BROTHER, GIRL. Not the G spot sin. This is such a bad sex scene. No one has chemistry. The politics of this world don’t work. The plot sucks. This is unreadable. These prophecies are really deus ex machina. Oh, there’s a plot hole? Shove a prophecy in it. Dude, what the fuck is this dialogue? Hey, sex was great. And he’s like it was, wasn’t it? Fucking what is that? Oh my god, I do not need another sex scene. Not the cadence of her movements. Who fucking wrote this? Is this gonna be a goddamn series? Cause it’s really shaping up to be, and I am not reading a second book. (Oh yes.) I’m just saying if you crank this audiobook to 2.5 times speed because you’re trying to get through it because you are hate reading at this point, the main character’s name sounds like urine. Good god, how much more is left? All they have to do is figure out that Komi is the tyrant, free themselves from fairyland, and other girlypop needs to realize that she has a cat protecting her too. I think killing her boyfriend will wait until book two or like the end of this one to end on a cliffhanger. And like the fashion designer (Golan) is like definitely fucking the prince brother (Nerad) that I literally have not written down his name in my book notes because he’s so irrelevant to the plot. Literally, I’m so bored. This book is so fucking predictable. It’s so Fourth Wing with the cringe bonded animals. I will give the book that I did not think this man was going to be relevant for anything more than his dick. If I had been paying attention to this book, I would be so pissed that they were spoon-feeding me the plot right now, but seeing as how I have cranked and suffered through it, I’m a little grateful because it makes taking summary notes real easy. Wow, I don’t need a third sex scene. Guys, they’re like on a beach. Imagine the sand in all the nooks and crannies. Not to be a germaphobe, but all these fantasy stories stories really freak me out when they’ll just be like exploring and fighting people and then they’re like time to finger blast each other. Like can you wash your hands? Like you know there’s dirt under those nails. I feel like the prince is responsible for killing the queens and he used his boyfriend’s tattoo ink to do it, but like Komi is still definitely the tyrant guy. (I nailed this book.) Literally, I’m so bored. I have predicted everything. Take a shot every time this book says cadence. I don’t think that’s what you do for a collapsed lung, but go off, bestie. No body, no death. Hey hey, cool motive, still murder. I don’t think murdering the queens was the right move there, my dude. Well, they solved literally nothing. So glad I suffered through all of that to get literally nowhere in the plot. I did it. Thank fuck. Post-reading: Hated absolutely every second of this. The plot’s generic and has been done before. It's predictable as shit. It's repetitive. The pacing sucks. The dialogue is stilted and awkward. The writing itself veers into passive voice way too much. The prophecies function as get-out-of-jail-free cards for the book’s plot holes and feel cheaty and deus ex machina rather than carefully plotted. The romances feel forced. They hit all the cliche beats that normally work in fantasy romances, but this is what happens when you have a checklist of tropes to include and never focus on actual chemistry or banter. It all feels like instalove just because everyone is sooo hot. The sex scenes feel unnecessary and alienating because your audience is not invested in the romances. The scenes themselves read very insert tab an and into slot b. The book purports the idea that there’s a super special ridge inside vaginas that you can just press and have instant orgasms. Fuck right off. And then you’re also just throwing in unnecessary orgies and nudity for what? For vibes? The companion animals are cringey. The plot doesn't make a ton of sense. Why is the cat-and you bet your ass I’m calling them cats in this fantasy meow mix clusterfuck of a novel-so willing to turn on its own to help this random ass girl that just showed up? The politics of the world make no sense. There is nothing stopping people from murdering the line of succession. The story’s war hinges on some sun crystals, but it’s not like the sun doesn’t exist in this world? Why are people starving? If they need better land to grow crops, a sun crystal isn’t exactly gonna fix that problem. And it’s not like the land won’t grow crops because the land works well enough to grow flowers to cover the stench of dead bodies because somehow that’s a priority. There’s no world-building. We know nothing about where these people live or how except that they’re cool with the LGBTQ. This book is marketed as adult but aside from the sex scenes and child soldiers, there’s nothing adult about this. Those could be removed, and this could’ve been marketed as YA which would make a lot more sense because the characters read like teenagers even though they’re in their 30s. I also just really disliked the main character. She kills 350 people for following her sister‘s prophecy on a whim and shows no remorse for it and then she kills her love interest’s brother, but we’re supposed to just brush that off because she knows more now? Please. Don’t waste your time. Read literally anything else. Who should read this: No one? Generic fantasy romance girlies Do I want to reread this: Fuck no. Similar books: * Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros- fantasy romance, cringe animal companions * Jasad Heir by Sara Hashem-actual enemies to lovers fantasy romance, * Sun of Blood and Ruin by Mariely Lares-generic historical fantasy romance, enemies to lovers, secret magical heritage * Dance of Thieves by Mary E. Pearson-generic fantasy romance, enemies to lovers * Bow Before the Elf Queen by J. M. Kearl- generic fantasy romance, enemies to lovers, secret magical heritage * Fall of Ruin and Wrath by Jennifer L. Armentrout-generic fantasy romance, secret magical heritage, overly horny fae * Forged by Blood by Ehigbor Okosun-generic fantasy romance, enemies to lovers, secret magical heritage ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Apr 15, 2024
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Apr 18, 2024
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Sep 29, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 0593472071
| 9780593472071
| B0C773SH3T
| 3.56
| 4,070
| Oct 01, 2020
| Mar 05, 2024
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did not like it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Sapphic vampires, but it’s insta l Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Sapphic vampires, but it’s insta love and it reads like a historical summary, not a book. For a book pitched as lesbian bloodsuckers, there’s an awful lot of dicks. On my do not read list. Pre-reading: I heard lesbian vampires, and I was in. I love this cover. Thick of it: This is all lost on me because I don’t have a sense of smell. Ew, a child. Ha ha, why do I feel like some knockers are gonna get grabbed alright. Samantha, jail. (I expected this book to be so horny, and it was not.) didactic Samantha, you’re barely into this book. You can’t claim it’s boring already. Watch me. T Swift luggage behavior I’m gonna call that a title drop. She’s not like other girls. She’s not afraid of violence against women. I’m at DNF territory. Like I don’t care, and it’s instalove. What is with all these jaguar books? Pick a new animal. I'M BORED Not a man! Who cares. Literally who cares. Fuck these historicals. I don’t think it’s just a bad translation. I think the book itself is bad. This is Immortal Pleasures all over again. And the Familiar. This book has no stakes. I am so bored. I’m so confused by Leonora’s backstory. Are they saying that like the politician husband was raping her? Why was she having blackouts? soporifics Girlypop, you’re literally immortal. If you wanna fuck a statue, just do it. Oh thank fucking god, part two. Please let something happen! Sticking your fingers where- I know it’s like the juxtaposition of life and death, but like I do not wanna hear about how you fingered yourself and then touched grandma‘s forehead! This book is literally pointless. There’s nothing being done with the story. It has nothing to say. Just let your mom die. That’s so mean. Is there literally any point to this little boy’s toothache and dentist experience other than the author perhaps working through some dental trauma of her own? (No!) I’m so bored. This book sucks. (And that’s not a vampire joke.) I just don’t get the point of this book at all. It’s not a meditation on grief. It’s not a sapphic relationship. It’s not an interesting historical. It’s literally just a whole bunch of nothing. Girlypop, why are you trying to open coffins in a graveyard without gloves on at the very least? I know this is meant to be sapphic, but it reads so for the male gaze. Why is she like oh, I’m horny again? It’s probably from visiting the ceremony and not my hormones from being on my period. What do you mean? (Also, how are you gonna write me a lesbian vampire novel and no one gets their cooter licked while they’re making like the cherry gusher? Emerald Fennel is disappointed in you.) I appreciate that it’s trying to mimic the classic by doing the journal entries, but this book is so boring. My roommate, the vampire Everyone saying that they liked this book… like you’re lying. You’re lying. You did not. If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I hate a mom who fucks off and leaves her kids. I hop up on this soapbox all the time, but children are literally optional. You better stick them somewhere safe before you fuck off. Post-reading: I am convinced that everyone who said that they liked this book was lying. Nothing and I do mean nothing happens in this book. It’s not even moody and atmospheric. There’s no lyrical writing. The first half of this book reads like a historical summary. It is all telling and no showing. The characters are interchangeable cardboard cutouts with no personalities and no emotional depth. There is nothing for the audience to connect to. The second half is about a mom who abandons her kid to get some immortal puss. And the author doesn’t even dignify that by making it a horny book. When the book does try to get smutty, it has a terrible male gaze lens to it where women exist to be naked prey. It’s pitched as a sapphic book, but that seems like bi-erasure when both your main characters have relationships with men too. There are so many pointless filler scenes. The book features an assisted suicide framed like a mercy killing, and you’d think we’d at least get a sentence or two with some social commentary, but we don’t. Everyone in this book is too busy sipping on dumb bitch juice to get anything done. The immortal vampire’s greatest fear is the police because they have a picture of her. I’m gonna let that sink in. There’s not a single character with any motivation in this entire novel. Everyone helps out our bloodsucking girlypop on nothing because she’s just so goddamn hot. And sure vampire thralls, but there’s no discussion of that. Everything is instalove. She is infatuated with everyone she meets, and they catch the feels right back. There’s no logical rule for how long girlypop can go without feeding, and she kills most of her victims with an overgrown thumbnail. It’s hard to feel threatened by someone who could literally be taken out by a nail file. The book has absolutely no stakes to it, other than the ones that the villagers pulled out of their asses to kill her sisters with. How did those villagers discover that vampires exist and where did that knowledge go in the society? Who knows. This book won’t tell you. This book is a complete waste of your time, and I don’t think anyone should pick it up. Who should read this: Historical fiction girlies Do I want to reread this: Nope. Similar books: * Immortal Pleasures by V. Castro-historical retelling with vampires, instalove * The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo-historical retelling, magical realism, vaguely vampires * Bride by Ali Hazelwood-paranormal romance, urban fantasy * The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V. E. Schwab-magical realism, historical, romance * Sun of Blood and Ruin by Mariely Lares-magical realism, historical, romance * Starling House by Alix E. Harrow-gothic romance, fairytale retelling, less plot just vibes * The Last Tale of the Flower Bride by Roshani Chokshi-gothic romance, fairytale retelling, less plot just vibes * The Witch and the Vampire by Francesca Flores-insta love, YA fantasy romance ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 06, 2024
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May 07, 2024
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Sep 21, 2023
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ebook
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| 0593640136
| 9780593640135
| B0BNPJSCRC
| 3.57
| 36,381
| Sep 26, 2023
| Sep 26, 2023
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it was ok
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My Selling Pitch: Emilia Clarke’s character from Me Before You transplanted into Eloise at Christmas Time and heavily influenced by Elena Armas. Like My Selling Pitch: Emilia Clarke’s character from Me Before You transplanted into Eloise at Christmas Time and heavily influenced by Elena Armas. Like you’ve got to love the insufferably quirky girl trope and secondhand embarrassment, or you will not make it through this book. Pre-reading: I loved The No-Show this year. Let’s see if another title I always spell wrong because I forget the hyphen can make me cry. Or at least make me giggle. I love a cartoon cover Thick of it: Weird font Lol, he never got her card. I’m telling you right now. But that’s understandably why she thinks he hates her. No, the male audiobook narrator is AWFUL. I turned it off. I could not listen to it. Clip-in highlights are heinous. He’s correct. She has major quirky girl syndrome. It’s giving Eloise at Christmas Time and Bill. Okay, Simon Cowell If you have to convince a man to argue/treat you respectfully- RUN A cinnamon girly Why am I irrationally annoyed that he didn’t shield her? Like fuck gender roles, but also you can’t tell me homeboy lives for arm day for the aesthetic only. It’s not a family. It’s a hotel. Chill. Hey, you know what was a bad idea? Making two characters that she’s in love with named Louis and Lucas. That’s the same name. Twilight sin privet They all feel distinctly like characters and not like real people, and not in the enjoyable way of Fredrik Backman’s Anxious People. A technical Sam hahaha I-sometimes this banter is sinful, and it’s so at odds with the quirky girl rom-com. abseiling Oh, Girlypop needs therapy. Pissed-off men are not sexy. They are scary. This book’s pacing is so weird it escalates 0 to 60. One bed one bed Okay, Tin Man. This miscommunication trope is fucking annoying. I love a Bloody Mary. (Should I track that too? That would be fun.) I love ponies. This book gives me so much secondhand embarrassment. Also, I don’t like the feeling of this date. It feels very much like your routine and the way you live your life isn’t good enough for me, and I do it better, and you should conform to my wishes. You’re telling me a smoothie bar owning, gym obsessed boy skips. (And that he’s straight. I don’t buy it.) Hey, you know what’s super weird and uncomfy? Him being like she’s got the soul of a child. She wants to go play on a playground. That’s sexy. No, absolutely no. SJM! Oh, that is some toxic virginity culture. What the fuck is that? I don’t like this book. They really said she told you her boundaries, but you should just ignore those and brainwash her with dick. If the hotel’s going under, they should not be throwing a Christmas party. They should give the employees Christmas bonuses so that they can have unemployment money. It’s a fade to black? Are you joking? Are you joking. That’s so rude. I’m glad there’s something to the fact that Louis and Lucas are the same name in this book, but also it’s been miserable to read. God the miscommunication in this book is so dumbbbb Siobhan coming out of this author must have been a fluke. Post-reading: I didn’t like this. I don’t like a quirky girl character. I don’t. I don’t find them charming. I find them wildly embarrassing and infantilizing. Which this book really played up in a creepy way because he said she’s like a child and that’s hot. Ick. So much ick. And then it got worse and into some murky dub con territory where the MMC was told to ignore the FMC’s wishes about their relationship because her silly little hormones would just brainwash her anyway into wanting a relationship if they fucked. Oh, and the MMC is being prudish like an American girl about her virginity. Fuck off so hard. That is not feminist. That is not romantic. That is insanely toxic. If that isn’t enough to ruin a book for you, this book relies on the miscommunication trope to have any plot. Which leads to these grown-ass adults not feeling like real people because they won’t have a fucking conversation. No one in this book felt like a real person. They all felt distinctly like characters. And while I can see the sitcom entertainment value in that, it does alienate the reader from your characters because there’s nothing for them to relate to. The author brings up how big the MMC is constantly. It’s annoying. I don’t know how this romance trend got started, but I want it to stop. It reads like every other bad rom-com. It’s quick and brainless, but it’s not a healthy romance. There’s no smut. You can read so much better. Who should read this: Quirky girl character fans Miscommunication trope fans Do I want to reread this: No Similar books: * The American Roommate Experiment by Elena Armas-secondhand embarrassment, fake dating romance * The Spanish Love Deception by Elena Armas-fake dating coworker romance, did you know the love interest is big? * Hello Stranger by Katherine Center-insufferably quirky girl, secondhand embarrassment, miscommunication romance * How to Kiss Your Best Friend by Jenny Proctor-generic, small-town, friends-to-lovers romance, did you know the love interest is big? * The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood-coworker romance, did you know the love interest is big? ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Oct 11, 2023
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Oct 18, 2023
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Sep 19, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 125088425X
| 9781250884251
| 125088425X
| 3.81
| 68,625
| Apr 09, 2024
| Apr 09, 2024
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it was ok
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My Selling Pitch: Miss Congeniality X The Spanish Inquisition. With like some not so subtle Twilight undertones. Sounds like a banger, is a snore! Pre-r My Selling Pitch: Miss Congeniality X The Spanish Inquisition. With like some not so subtle Twilight undertones. Sounds like a banger, is a snore! Pre-reading: I don’t like historicals usually, but I love Bardugo. Please god, give me my first five star of the year! Thick of it: Wow, I love being historically useless ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Apr 09, 2024
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Apr 10, 2024
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Sep 18, 2023
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Hardcover
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| 1728299950
| 9781728299952
| B0C44DX85D
| 4.43
| 203,359
| Jul 18, 2018
| Sep 26, 2023
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did not like it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Wattpad’s Normal People. UPDATE: A Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Wattpad’s Normal People. UPDATE: At no point do I think this is a good book, but I really loved book two, so I guess you’re gonna have to suffer for 800 pages. Pre-reading: Booktok strikes again. Y’all said this is one of your best. A criminally ugly cover. But like I love an Irish boy so maybe I’ll love it too? Thick of it: Wow, thank you for that name pronunciation guide. I will never refer to it, and my brain will just garble letters together. (not a criticism just an advertisement that I’m an ignorant slut) You’re joking. The TV prayer is a real thing? The more you know. Oh no. Oh no. Have I signed up for Wattpad? I have, haven’t I. I’m so sick of reading character appearance dumps from a mirror where all they do is shit on themselves because they’re so tiny and they’re so skinny. Like shut up. How do you get to school that early and still manage to be late? That’s a little much, girlypop. I'm too old to care about high school sports. (laughs in Beartown) Take a shot every time they tell you she's small. (Instantly blackout. Like good luck getting through a single chapter.) This is so painfully Wattpad. She's not like other girls. Kill me Immediately no to what type of female. I'm too old for these books. Don’t tell me someone was interested in fucking a fourteen-year-old child. There's no reason these people can’t just be in college. I can't take it seriously with them so little. Like they barely have facial hair ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Mar 27, 2024
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Mar 31, 2024
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Sep 13, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 0593500202
| 9780593500200
| B0C2PB1Z4J
| 4.31
| 48,094
| Jan 16, 2024
| Jan 16, 2024
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liked it
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My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a cozy banger that improves on the first book’s flaws, but still manages to fumble the last third? It’s more lig My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a cozy banger that improves on the first book’s flaws, but still manages to fumble the last third? It’s more light academia journal entries with too little romance. Pre-reading: I’m the map. I’m the map. I'm the map! A buddy read with bestie Kayla. Didn't love the first book. Thought it was exactly fine. Thick of it: Astrology bullshit: Wendell’s in September and Emily is in August. She reminds me so much of Evie from The Mummy. I read it in her voice lol. Book is accidentally horny once again. Girlypop is so out of touch. I love it. I think they’re cute together. They better fuck this book. Coracle Semasiographic The random world-building details in this series are so good. I will always be a sucker for men throwing themselves on top of their lady loves to protect them. I’m assuming she’s trying to kill him now because he asked Emily to marry him so now he’s a threat to the throne. (Like yes, but also no, but also this villain motivation is grade a bullshit.) Wendell: a murderous homebody Disney princess. Sam: Corporate needs you to find the difference between these two pictures. (They’re the same picture.) They’re so cute together. I feel like this book has better pacing and banter already. But yeah, that's right, author. No off-page makeouts. I like that she’s equally as annoyed as me with this fucking maypole man. Fuck off back to Midsommar. He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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May 30, 2024
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Jun 2024
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Sep 08, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| B0C2RHL4FC
| 4.30
| 44
| unknown
| Apr 16, 2023
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really liked it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read bonkers food p Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read bonkers food porn that is somehow a well-developed queer romance for new adults on par with the likes of Hannah Grace, Ali Hazelwood, Abby Jimenez, Elle Kennedy, or Chloe Walsh? Pre-reading: On the Samantha, what the fuck are you reading list, but also, how was I not supposed to click on this? Thick of it: This is gonna be iconic garbage, isn’t it? (Not garbage! Not even kind of!) Idli Burek I’m a little confused when they’re saying the people are these foods. I’m assuming some VeggieTales shit, but then their foods are different from their names which is weird to me. Ithyphallic Uttapam This is cute. This is funnnn This is so cuteee. I kinda hope Leftovers and Keto get together. This reads like the chemistry in an Off-Campus book. It reads like Icebreaker and Wildfire. You know it reads like all those basic romance books. I would love if this author wrote a basic romance book. I’d be excited for that. Like Lefty reads like Chloe Walsh’s Gibsie. I am loving this. I think it is an easy four stars for bonkers smut. Nacre Guys, this is so well written. It’s like metaphors and suggestive and it’s dirty and it’s great. More Sam lore: I could drink chimichurri. Me: wait, are they saying this is pee? Surely not. The book: the golden shower Me: oh no. Also me: what sort of flavors do they mean then? Not like asparagus or-? You know what, I gotta go. I can’t tell if their food forms are mood-dependent. I’m also just not sure like logistically where the food is all situated if they have hair and mouths. But like I also don’t care because that’s not the point of the book? Manioc All these girlies championing Abby Jimenez for being so deep and having representation of character growth in her novels… bitch doesn't have shit on this book, and I didn't have to suffer for 400 pages. This was fabulous. Post-reading: I fully picked this up as one of my jokey little smut reads. And like it is bonkers for sure, but there's more character growth and emotional depth in this little novella than most of the mainstream romances I’m picking up. My biggest complaint with it is that the world-building leaves a bit to be desired. What are the logistics of being food but also eating food? Were their forms mood-dependent or something they were able to choose? What did it mean to be breakfast vs lunch vs dinner? But like the gender commentary was fab. The food sex scenes were well chosen and suggestive and even a little confusingly hot. It’s well-paced. The characters are stock archetypes but done well. This was such a good time. Would highly, highly recommend for the bonkers smut readers and would love to see the author put out a full-length contemporary romance. I think it would be easily on par with Hannah Grace, Abby Jimenez, Ali Hazelwood, Elle Kennedy, or Chloe Walsh. And if you’re like Samantha, those are big names. I am such a picky bitch. The book is genuinely that good. The dialogue is never stilted and it has something to say about life lessons for new adults. Gimmie more. Who should read this: Bonkers smut fans Queer romance fans The basic bitch romance cohort Do I want to reread this: No, but I would/will continue! Similar books: * The Deal by Elle Kennedy-easy read rom-com, life lessons for new adults * Icebreaker by Hannah Grace-easy read rom-com, life lessons for new adults * Keeping 13 by Chloe Walsh-wattpaddy romance, family drama * Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez-easy read rom-com, life lessons for new adults * Book Lovers by Emily Henry-bookish romance, family drama * Happy Place by Emily Henry- contemporary romance, life lessons for new adults, found family drama * The Spanish Love Deception by Elena Armas-easy read rom-com, life lessons for new adults * Butcher and Blackbird by Brynne Weaver- bonkers dark rom-com, questionably a cooking romance * The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich by Deya Muniz-queer romance graphic novel, food schtick for the lols * Anatomy of a Meet Cute by Addie Woolridge-easy read bucket romance, family drama * The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams-easy read bucket romance, men read romance novels for the lols schtick * The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood-easy read rom-com, life lessons for new adults * For Butter or Worse by Erin La Rosa-easy read cooking romance ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Apr 16, 2024
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Apr 16, 2024
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Sep 05, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 1250846692
| 9781250846693
| B0C8G1CYM5
| 3.78
| 693
| Jun 18, 2024
| Jun 18, 2024
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it was ok
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: The CW’s generic fantasy Veronica Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: The CW’s generic fantasy Veronica Mars X Gossip Girl continues in a sequel that definitely could’ve just been a few chapters tacked onto book one. Pre-reading: The first book was exactly fine, and I expect the sequel to be exactly the same, if not a little worse. The first cover was so good. The sequel’s cover is heinously ugly. Thick of it: For some reason, Garden of the Cursed and Threads That Bind are the same book in my head. Alright, let’s see if my unhinged summary from last year can refresh me enough to read the sequel- First things first, I’m the realest. Second things first I write immaculate unhinged summaries. Plot refreshed. Vibes refreshed. Characters identities, I got nothing. My dumbass renamed them all with gossip girl characters. Very lols, but also, I have no idea who anyone is. Proposition for series that are coming out nowadays: how about we just start including a skippable recap chapter right at the beginning of the book? If you can trigger warn me, you can write me a recap. That's a WACK dedication. Here’s the thing- girlypop is legally the worst detective in the world and last book I was like ha ha, it’s so obvious whodunit, and I was right, but now that they’re harping on it so much- that he’s definitely the one who cursed the boyfriend- I’m like is everything a lie? Is it someone else? (I gave this book way too much credit.) OK, did the wife do it because I’m having strong the wife did it vibes? Also, I literally don’t remember her being in the first book. Somehow, nothing is happening, and we’re like vaguely recapping the old book but like we’re not actually recapping the old book, so all of this is pointless. It’s kind of like hey, do you remember why the last chapter of book one was bad? And the audience is like fuck no. And the book is like too bad! We’re moving on. This scene is so bloated for what it needed to accomplish. I get that she’s trying to add a cool action sequence and scenery and atmosphere, but I’m like just get to the fucking point. (This book has strong written for TV episode vibes. Very like oh, here’s a cool moment we can use CGI on so people remember this is a fantasy.) How are you such a bad detective that you can’t even find the clues in your own house when you’re investigating your mom’s disappearance until it’s convenient for the plot? Does she need to hold the journal up to the illusion mirror and it’s like some decoder shit? (No. We have this mirror just for the vibes.) It sounds like a record of how much she’s doctoring the books or skimming off the top. -Oh, the book also just made that leap, so I must be wrong. (I was not wrong.) This book is so bad. It’s so CW. I think this book annoys me so much because the author writes like she can’t trust her audience to figure out anything for themselves. They just have to be spoonfed all the answers and like, I guess it’s a YA, but like even young readers aren’t this dumb. This is the Met Gala. Who is this girl, Iris? I don’t trust her. (She literally wasn’t worth the word count.) Don’t give me a submissive boy. I hate this trend. (SIGH) We do not need all these scenes of 17-year-olds making out. This is not a good romance. I don’t care about it. Please move the plot forward. I look in people’s windows ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jul 17, 2024
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Jul 19, 2024
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Aug 27, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 1915202744
| 9781915202741
| B0CGTL884D
| 3.64
| 6,504
| May 28, 2024
| May 28, 2024
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did not like it
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My Selling Pitch: Masters of Death but it’s not funny and no one has any chemistry. There’s so little plot this book could’ve been a paragraph. On my d My Selling Pitch: Masters of Death but it’s not funny and no one has any chemistry. There’s so little plot this book could’ve been a paragraph. On my do not read list. Pre-reading: Still haven't read A Dowry of Blood, but I’m excited to read this. I love, love, love the cover. I don’t really know what it’s about. I’ve just heard it’s a messy romance. Thick of it: We love a local. You know what’s funny? Ninth House, which is also about secret societies, compares its main character, Alex, to a diamond, but in that book, it’s a bad thing. Is David a Capricorn? Because same, bestie. Patrick Bateman has entered the chat. (Yes, I understand the irony of Patrick also canonically not being a Capricorn, but like so Capricorn coded.) Oh, come on. You’re missing out on that Silian Rail joke? That’s bone. This audiobook narrator sounds a lot like the TikTok guy who’s a millennial and explains things to people and is like come here and then zooms in. He’s just so breathy. He lives by Fenway? His rent must be crazy. People usually obey him? Kinky. Is David a vampire? Using the name Rhys in this acotar economy is ballsy. I love a “The Incident.” Oh, I love the tarot card headers. The chariot, huh? Interesting. What’s he gonna win? Title drop! That was fast. Doing his job right or doing his job correctly? I’m nitpicking. I’m the worst. I know. Hakuna Matata. You know, I didn’t have meerkats on the bingo board for books at all this year, but this is the second one now. At least this book’s not comparing them to nipples. That was kind of a sexy line. (Samantha, your religious trauma kink is showing.) My instinct is that Cameron is canon fodder. (Literally no one dies in this book. That’s how low stakes we are.) Oh, interesting that Moira‘s card is the high priestess when that’s the position that’s open, and they notoriously don’t allow women. (This is a better plot. Why did we not do this?) If you read this book and don’t picture David as Patrick Bateman, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m having a great time doing that. (He’s got green eyes. Irrelevant!) Is he just polite or can he not enter a home without being invited in? Refusing to discuss pay in mixed company is part of the reason women are getting paid so poorly. Don’t Southern hospitality that shit. You’re in Boston now, baby. Buck up. Honey, this man is a Capricorn. Why are you lying? But also Leos are the needier version of a Capricorn’s narcissism. Why would you ask who am I going to marry and not who is the love of my life? With your whole chest, you’re telling me this man is a workaholic who cares about material items and loves traditionalist values and he’s not a Capricorn. All right, babe, we’re 20% in. Pick up. That’s that me espresso ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jun 09, 2024
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Jun 10, 2024
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Aug 23, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| B0CFRG4535
| 4.07
| 312,054
| Aug 15, 2023
| Aug 14, 2023
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really liked it
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My Selling Pitch: Get the audiobook for this or you’re doing yourself a disservice. This is rom-com Dexter. Do you want a fun brain rot read that is s My Selling Pitch: Get the audiobook for this or you’re doing yourself a disservice. This is rom-com Dexter. Do you want a fun brain rot read that is surprisingly spicy once they start boinking? Pre-reading: The book girlie fomo strikes again. Thick of it: This trigger list is v funny. I love a playlist. So immediately yes. I love an Irish boy. Etsy is sooo funny. And he's a hometown boy? Stop my heart, I'm so in. Okay, his murder names are way better than hers. This book is going to be so fun. It's very femme written. This book has zero chill lol. It's def giving Mindfuck series. Enucleation foreplay? (Samantha, jail. But also did I nail it or what?) It's cringe. It's Wattpad. It's Kindle Unlimited…it’s fun. Goddamnit, it’s fun. So there's DNA on that glass now? I have acquired the audiobook. He's got the Irish accent. I love. I've never seen Zoolander. He has brothers so it can be a multibook series haha. I don’t want Cassian to know I'm reading smut! Ah, Kindle Unlimited monster smut. I love this audiobook. That's author for do you want realism or do you want a rom-com about serial killers? I love them. I love this book. I love this so much. It's so funny. Y’all have to get the audiobook for this. Good god, this dramatic. OH MY GOD, THAT’S WHERE THE CHAPTER TITLE COMES IN? THIS BOOK IS DUMB FUNNY. That sounds like a yummy drink. My guess for the accidental cannibalism is that she has a body in her freezer and he assumes it’s pork and he tries to make her dinner but it’s literally human. (Wrong.) Just fuck! This would be a fun movie. This book is so funny That’s way too much work lol. Just write the police a sticky note. A good for her book This audiobook is so goooddd. They said cookies and CREAM. Lmao They’re both so unhinged lmao YeH this book WORKS One bed, one bed Tarot in a book? Wow, can’t wait for the death card to not be death, or the tower and the lovers Haha tower I didn’t have all those piercings on the bingo board. Like I know the book told me but I promptly forgot. I didn’t assume lady piercings. That’s not for me. Like to each their own, but also all I can think is walking through a metal detector at the airport and ow. Also, like tampon strings. I’m having a good time. I do wish they weren’t doing this with a broken shoulder. Also, I love this audiobook narrator guy. He’s so good. I don’t like a destroy me line. I don’t have that in me. We love a man who’s not afraid to taste himself. I love that he’s so obsessed with her. If you read this book instead of listening to the audiobook, you’ve been victimized. It’s SO GOOD. God, how do her piercings not catch on shit? I catch my earrings on my hair towel all the time. I like them together so much. I think I can fuck with this good for her book because it’s not really vengeance killings and it’s not pretending that they’re good people. Aren’t they hungry? Like shit, I would be so hungry after all that shenaniganing. Shipping up to Boston ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Oct 23, 2023
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Oct 24, 2023
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Aug 19, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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| 1250769353
| 9781250769350
| 1250769353
| 3.64
| 2,220
| Nov 28, 2023
| Nov 28, 2023
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liked it
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want a Regency-era romance Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My Selling Pitch: Do you want a Regency-era romance graphic novel? Pre-reading: Look at me, reading more picture books. Thick of it: I don’t like how the noses are drawn in this book. Do you know somehow I didn’t expect full frontal. Aww, they're cute They nailed the regency speak. Mantuamaker Pelisse Fichus Phaeton it ends just as it gets good! Post-reading: This was cute, but kinda nothing. I wasn't in love with the art. The colors were a bit too pastel and the style that the faces and especially the noses were drawn in kinda gave Arthur aardvark. The story was like every other generic Regency romance. I think it should’ve been longer, or it needs a sequel. It's fine. Nothing I’d recommend, but nothing I’d discourage people from reading. Who should read this: Bridgerton fans Regency-era romance fans Do I want to reread this: No Similar books: * The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich by Deya Muniz-regency-ish gay romance graphic novel ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Jul 30, 2023
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Jul 30, 2023
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Jul 30, 2023
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Hardcover
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| B0CCNBRNRQ
| 4.25
| 631,817
| Apr 23, 2024
| Apr 23, 2024
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liked it
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My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a Beach Read rewrite that has characters in their mid-30s so preoccupied with their exes that they forget to hav My Selling Pitch: Do you want to read a Beach Read rewrite that has characters in their mid-30s so preoccupied with their exes that they forget to have lives of their own or set the most basic of boundaries with their parents? Chock full of the classic Emily Henry basic dating advice and life lessons for 20-somethings. The love interest is another insecure, sad boy with Libra energy, and, as always, Samantha is a Capricorn with no tolerance. Your enjoyment mileage will vary. Pre-reading: I have high hopes for this. The cover is such an appealing shade of blue. Thick of it: The beginning reminds me of Book Lovers. It’s almost personal essay style. Great, so homeboy is delusional and put you on a pedestal from the get-go, and you’re gonna be like why didn’t this work out? Doesn’t People We Meet on Vacation have a weird thing with the guy’s girl best friend too? Emily Henry is really into weed. I’ve never seen this movie. These two people sound like losers. Oh god, she’s doing another flashback book. (She is not.) I hate Dune. I don’t relate to this book already. I hate children. Who likes dragons feels like a nod to booktok’s obsession with Fourth Wing. Twilight sin serial killer sin Oh no, I have a bad feeling that I’m not gonna like this one. Wine has been acquired to improve the reading experience. And a cinnamon boy sin. Yes, I’m counting ginger snaps as cinnamon. (I have oh so generously decided to count the predominantly ginger mentioned scent as something different.) Hate to say it, Emily, but this feels insta lovey. I’m not into it. Wasn’t one of her other books also anti-horse? I’m such a horse girl like you can’t do this to me, Henry. I love maple coffee, but why is the maple syrup in a jar? What editor thought her using impish twice in one sentence after she already used it in the chapter before (mind you, we’re only 12 fucking percent in) was quirky and cute and not something that makes me wanna die. I wanna talk. Me: why is the maple syrup in the jar? Also my New England ass: went to the kitchen and made myself a breakfast sandwich at 11 o’clock at night absolutely slathered in syrup. Sheath at 13% is wild. Why not sleeve? Listen kids, I’m a Capricorn. When I cut someone out of my life, they’re dead to me. This is embarrassing behavior. What do you expect to get out of this? You’re not being petty? You’re not winning. They don’t want you. Why do you want someone that doesn’t want you? There's a lot of Stephen King in this book. I hate Crocs. She's more of a January and Harriet and Poppy girl than Nora. I'm a Nora girl. I love the word lascivious. Girl, I don’t know how old you are, but it’s not cute to not know how to cook. Pinterest exists. YouTube exists. It’s so easy. You have to do it every day. Grow the fuck up. I could never be with someone who doesn’t get angry. Anger is passion. I crave passion. I completely agree with the idea that if a person lets you down, then you need to reconsider what you’re asking for from them. Sorry to this book, I just don’t like them. I feel like they’re both just striving for mediocrity, and I can’t relate. This just feels like a rewrite of Beach Read. (And I didn’t love that one either.) She better not move into that house. (We are safe. However, her moving into any house on that salary is bonkers.) Why is he so down bad from the get-go? I feel like the story only works because they’re hot. I can’t stand lateness. They always specify the trapezius muscles. It’s wild. Girlypop, your mom is gay. (Like unconfirmed but highly suspected.) I’m not living different lives through reading, but I also could not be with someone who was not a reader. Sam: I can’t stand this book. Sam: I hate Libras. This book: He’s a Libra. Sam: It all makes sense. Goat cheese and artichoke pizza sounds amazing. I love artichokes. But also, this book is doing the were you writing a story or a cookbook sin. Who read the sentence my nipples are meerkats and was like publish it. Fired. Absolutely fired. Like what are we doing? Why are we publishing dogshit this year? I gave up pizza for a man! Why didn’t it work out? Be so fucking for real. You’re in your 30s. This book has used the word chortle too many times. All these people in romance books always kiss titties through their tops, and I’m just like do you know how easy and stretchable modern fabric is? Give her a yank. Stop tonguing cotton. Also, who wears a button-up shirt with no bra? I guess maybe it could be a PJ top? But like he’s in jeans, so why would she be in pajamas when he’s in jeans? I will give it to Emily Henry that I buy her characters’ chemistry. Like I understand why these two like each other, but it’s also a little too desperate for me. They’re both so thirsty and begging to not be alone. Like work on yourselves first, besties. Also, it wouldn’t work if they weren’t hotties. Their safe word is Ryan Reynolds. Washing your hands. You forgot washing your hands. Please don’t go pick your sister up from the airport without washing your hands after you were inside your roommate, god. I wish I understood Jane Austen references, but I don’t. I also like to host, but please don’t make me gather the humans. I understand why the 20-something girlies really like her books for romance advice, but it’s also like grow up. I have also not seen the movie and I do agree that that is a red flag. We’re at the take a shot every time this book says chortle point. I love bao buns. I like Ashleigh even if I hate the spelling of her name. Would you just buy another fucking dress? You’re 30. Don’t tell me he likes old people. Have you met good old people? They’re few and far between. So many old racists and hateful, religious fucks. She tells you explicitly that she hates surprises, and you’re like let me take you to an event without telling you how to dress so you’ll be super self-conscious and our exes are going to be there. Get so fucked. If you bought the tickets and you used them, that means they had to buy more tickets in order to go in the first place. So how could you even assume she would skip it? Imagine being this preoccupied with your ex. Of course she’s going. Her grandma’s there. Why would she not spend time with her family on the off chance that her ex-boyfriend who she’s not in love with went to the same party as her? This book is painting them as the villains, and they’re literally just going about their lives completely unbothered. Meanwhile, our main characters are so preoccupied with them. Sexy librarian is like one of the most common fantasies. Don’t act like it’s not attractive. There, see? I can't read the word fractals without mentally singing let it go. Probs her steamiest book. I’m into ~it~, even if I'm not into them. We love some narcissistic abuse rep. The I must live in the present because trying to plan for the future is too stressful because no matter what I do, it will be wrong mentality is so real. See, like this is cute behavior for someone in their 20s, but this man is 36. He’s 36. Miles is an eldest sister lol. Oh, she’s gonna walk out to Miles, and that zipper’s getting stuck. I love romance tropes! I’ll give it to Henry that I buy this book’s romantic tension. It’s done well. I’m like just kiss, you idiots. Is that the bookshop from Beach Read? Isn’t January obsessed with birthdays? This feels so much like a Beach Read rewrite. I lost the game. God, I’m old. What’s a miel? (Sounds delish!) girlypop: I didn’t have a life because I made my last boyfriend my entire personality. Also girlypop: doing the exact same thing this time around. You don’t have to become your man to be with him. Girlypop is not a Taurus. She does not give Taurus energy. No, he’s very much assuming you’ll drop everything. He just showed up at your house. Don’t be fucking stupid, Daphne. Contemporary romances just can’t help themselves with all the song-dropping. I don’t know, Miss Henry. There’s an awful lot of astrology in your books for someone who’s not into it. Always with the toilet humor, Henry. Why? We’re basically 80% in. Time for a sex scene. Why is the am italicized? That’s such a weird spot for emphasis. That totally just took me out of the scene. I have a new vendetta against the word chortle. Unpopular opinion: I love hickeys and we need to normalize them and stop letting society embarrass us for them because they’re great. Fucking finally. Tell her, Miles. She is dismissive of you I feel like you can take a shot every time this book brings up ginger too. (It was at this point that I decided to count the MMC’s smell as something other than mint or pine or cinnamon.) I mean she’s nailing this discourse on relationships and being seen. If you’re ready for a relationship, you’re ready for a partner to see you and know you, and if you’re not, it’s terrifying if they’re perceptive. A solid three-star, and it could’ve been four stars if it got rid of all the cringe and it was a little more original. I think this book is also suffering because its main characters are not appealing to me. I like my romances self-insertable. That's not happening here. I don’t want him. You are hungry and I respect hunger. I think about this quote constantly. I love cauliflower tacos. Detritus sin I mean, I don’t think people need to be flawless, but I think this is a relationship dealbreaker right here. Like I would not get back together with this man. That’s what I said earlier! She has literally been saying all book that she doesn’t like surprises. Fucking listen to her! I think you can be both. I think you can be a cynic and a romantic. I do like how Emily Henry always tries to give life advice to the 20-somethings in her romance books. Maybe your characters should be 20-somethings instead of 30-somethings then. She’s just showing up at someone’s house uninvited. What the hell. It wasn’t about the pink room. It was about painting it together. Don’t be stupid. What’s wrong with setting up those tests? Those are important. You have to set up the test and then address it when they fail it. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t like dogs, OK? There’s something wrong with them. Why the bathroom? Why? Stop it. She’s thrilled by this, but I’d be pissed. I’ve known you for two months. Do not go confront my parents and say things on my behalf and don’t ditch me to do something that I didn’t explicitly ask you to do. I still hate surprises. I don’t want surprises. The solution is not embrace the spontaneity of life. It’s called communicate what you’re going to do to me. Do I like everything? No. Do I like it? Yes. I would recommend it to people with disclaimers. But jfc, everything I read this year is mid. Breaking up because you have different opinions on kids is very valid. And title drop Appropriately warm and fuzzy ending for the genre. Post-reading: Everything I read this year is mid. Here’s the thing, for someone else, this would probably work so much better. It is a perfectly fine and readable contemporary romance. The characters have chemistry. It’s well-paced. The side characters have their own arcs outside of the relationship. There are mature and realistic fights. Unfortunately, these two characters are not the kind of people that I would be attracted to. I don’t relate to them. That ruins the romance for me. We just want different things, so it’s nice to go and look at this and be like oh, I love that for you, but then it’s hard to get truly invested because you’re not like wow, this is such good life advice for me to take as well! But Emily Henry’s whole writing schtick is to hook you with a romance so that she can impart dating advice on the 20-somethings. And this book does feel like it’s intended for the girlies in their mid-20s. I don’t understand why the characters are then closer to 40, but still figuring shit out that they should’ve with a therapist years ago. This book also makes their exes out to be such villains when they’re literally just living their lives and trying to find their own happy endings. Is it cool to end things super abruptly, no. But also the warning signs were there from the get-go. You just ignored the red flags. He didn’t like pizza for fuck’s sake. As always, I personally hate Emily Henry’s bathroom humor. It seems like it’s become a staple in the contemporary romance genre, and I would like it obliterated. Also whatever editor read her nipples were like meerkats and sent that through should be fired. The book talks about food an awful lot for something that’s not a cooking romance nor a cookbook. You could lose a good twenty pages by cutting it, and then we could stop reading about how Daphne moans every other chapter. The word chortle is used so frequently in this book you can turn it into a drinking game. I think the book itself reads a lot like a rewrite of Beach Read. I think if you like that one, you’ll like this one. If you’re a Book Lovers girly, I don’t think you’re gonna like this. The type a girlies from Book Lovers are not going to tolerate a chronically late sad boy who’s obsessed with surprises and doesn’t listen when you explicitly ask him to do things. That’s not for us. That’s anxiety-inducing. While I think the romance genre is taking a step forward by getting away from the alphaholes, that doesn’t mean I want them replaced by these insecure, whiny babies. Handle your shit, my dudes. Funny Story also reads a lot like Abby Jimenez‘s new book. If you like that one, you’ll probably like this one. It’s the same sort of immature characters who create their own problems because they refuse to have healthy boundaries with their parents even though they’re in their 30s. I think you’ve got some good quotes in here. I bought the characters’ relationship. I feel like it was Emily Henry’s steamiest book without it being all that smutty. It’s worth reading if you’re a fan of hers or contemporary romance in general, but it’s not gonna change your life. It’s also very forgettable. Writing up this review I had moments where I paused and was like what even did happen in this book? Who should read this: Emily Henry girlies Fans of romances with chick-lit undertones Do I want to reread this: Nah. But it did make me wanna reread Book Lovers. Similar books: * Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez-summer rom-com, insecure MMC, 30-year-olds with unhealthy parental boundaries * Beach Read by Emily Henry-I don’t know how you would read this book without having read this book but just in case, summer romance with life lessons for 20-somethings, family drama * Wildfire by Hannah Grace-college summer romance, family drama * Sammy Espinoza’s Last Review-generic small-town romance, family drama * The Freedom Clause by Hannah Sloane-break up book, self-love journey for a girly in her 20s, ironically, she is also named Daphne, family drama * Piglet by Lottie Hazel-break up book, family drama * Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler-break up book, self-love journey for a girly in her 20s, family drama ...more |
Notes are private!
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1
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Apr 27, 2024
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Apr 29, 2024
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Jul 27, 2023
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Kindle Edition
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my rating |
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| 4.02
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did not like it
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Jun 09, 2024
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May 14, 2024
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| 4.51
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really liked it
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Apr 05, 2024
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Mar 31, 2024
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| 4.08
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liked it
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May 20, 2024
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Dec 18, 2023
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| 4.40
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did not like it
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Apr 07, 2024
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Nov 26, 2023
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| 3.91
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it was ok
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May 05, 2024
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Nov 20, 2023
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| 4.06
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really liked it
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Aug 17, 2024
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Oct 21, 2023
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| 4.21
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it was ok
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Mar 11, 2024
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Oct 19, 2023
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| 2.96
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did not like it
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Apr 23, 2024
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Oct 06, 2023
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| 3.60
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did not like it
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Apr 18, 2024
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Sep 29, 2023
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| 3.56
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did not like it
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May 07, 2024
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Sep 21, 2023
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| 3.57
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it was ok
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Oct 18, 2023
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Sep 19, 2023
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| 3.81
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it was ok
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Apr 10, 2024
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Sep 18, 2023
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| 4.43
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did not like it
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Mar 31, 2024
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Sep 13, 2023
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| 4.31
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liked it
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Jun 2024
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Sep 08, 2023
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| 4.30
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really liked it
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Apr 16, 2024
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Sep 05, 2023
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| 3.78
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it was ok
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Jul 19, 2024
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Aug 27, 2023
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| 3.64
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did not like it
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Jun 10, 2024
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Aug 23, 2023
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| 4.07
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really liked it
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Oct 24, 2023
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Aug 19, 2023
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| 3.64
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liked it
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Jul 30, 2023
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Jul 30, 2023
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| 4.25
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liked it
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Apr 29, 2024
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Jul 27, 2023
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