So, this one is about a vampire who is best buddies with a werewolfMy run of 2-star reads continues...
[image] Where's my fainting couch when I need it?
So, this one is about a vampire who is best buddies with a werewolf pack - defying the tradition of hatred between the two kinds. It is the equivalent of the Roadrunner and Coyote getting married. An insult to God and all of mankind.
[image] It was always a game. A sexy role-play game. The Roadrunner looks happy to be caught and is about to say "Choke me, Daddy."
Our vampire, Alex, buys a piece of crap "fixer-upper" of a house with a bunch of land so his puppy pals have lots of room to romp and kill every full moon. But, one pup gets hurt so he ends up bringing his new neighbor, a veterinarian, in to help. And, well, you know, he must have been rocking that set of scrubs and comfy shoes because things get sexy... as things are wont to do when crocs are matched with socks....
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There are some very tame issues that seem too easily resolved, and a bad guy who never really felt as threatening as the author wanted. The characters seemed likable enough, but none of them were developed. I think that by trying to give all of the secondary characters dimension, there just wasn't enough page-time for the main couple's personalities and chemistry to come through. It was all just a mild, surface look at a lot of people that I didn't connect strongly with.
Merged review:
My run of 2-star reads continues...
[image] Where's my fainting couch when I need it?
So, this one is about a vampire who is best buddies with a werewolf pack - defying the tradition of hatred between the two kinds. It is the equivalent of the Roadrunner and Coyote getting married. An insult to God and all of mankind.
[image] It was always a game. A sexy role-play game. The Roadrunner looks happy to be caught and is about to say "Choke me, Daddy."
Our vampire, Alex, buys a piece of crap "fixer-upper" of a house with a bunch of land so his puppy pals have lots of room to romp and kill every full moon. But, one pup gets hurt so he ends up bringing his new neighbor, a veterinarian, in to help. And, well, you know, he must have been rocking that set of scrubs and comfy shoes because things get sexy... as things are wont to do when crocs are matched with socks....
[image]
There are some very tame issues that seem too easily resolved, and a bad guy who never really felt as threatening as the author wanted. The characters seemed likable enough, but none of them were developed. I think that by trying to give all of the secondary characters dimension, there just wasn't enough page-time for the main couple's personalities and chemistry to come through. It was all just a mild, surface look at a lot of people that I didn't connect strongly with....more
Son: Whatcha reading, Mom? Me: A book about a jewel thief and an Interpol agent trying to catch him. It's fun. Son: Uh huh. And... Me: Son: Me, in a soft Son: Whatcha reading, Mom? Me: A book about a jewel thief and an Interpol agent trying to catch him. It's fun. Son: Uh huh. And... Me: Son: Me, in a soft voice: and they fall in love... Son: There it is.
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Stupid smart kids! Anyway, this book was cute because neither guy knew who the other was for a long time. They were arch-nemesis's who end up in love and I kinda dug it.
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I have a weakness for heroes and villains falling for each other. Judging by the amount of results I found in my search it seems like I'm not the only one.
The only downside, I suppose, is that it is a little open-ended at the end of the book. It didn't bother me, but it did bother a lot of other reviewers.
Merged review:
Son: Whatcha reading, Mom? Me: A book about a jewel thief and an Interpol agent trying to catch him. It's fun. Son: Uh huh. And... Me: Son: Me, in a soft voice: and they fall in love... Son: There it is.
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Stupid smart kids! Anyway, this book was cute because neither guy knew who the other was for a long time. They were arch-nemesis's who end up in love and I kinda dug it.
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I have a weakness for heroes and villains falling for each other. Judging by the amount of results I found in my search it seems like I'm not the only one.
The only downside, I suppose, is that it is a little open-ended at the end of the book. It didn't bother me, but it did bother a lot of other reviewers....more
When you see a fictional or real couple and you hate one of them, but love the other one like crazy, are you really hoping for them to end up togetherWhen you see a fictional or real couple and you hate one of them, but love the other one like crazy, are you really hoping for them to end up together? Or do you wish they would hurry up and break-up so you can find the awesome one someone else who is better than that loser? I mean, like the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote - do we wish for them to get married and release all of the obvious sexual tension there? Of course not! We aren't psychos. We all want Wile E. Coyote to finally catch that beeping bastard, to pluck his stupid feathers, and roast that mother fucker. Right? Like sane people.
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So that is the problem with this book. Danny, our most amazing, beautiful man is allowing Lance, the human pustule, to keep him as his down-low fuckboy. For reasons unknown, the author sadistically decided that Danny would be hopelessly in love with a guy who has the personality of a moldy potato forever. Didn't like it. Didn't buy it.
[image] That's right, Queen!
Only Danny is worthy of any stars. Nothing else about this story.
Merged review:
When you see a fictional or real couple and you hate one of them, but love the other one like crazy, are you really hoping for them to end up together? Or do you wish they would hurry up and break-up so you can find the awesome one someone else who is better than that loser? I mean, like the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote - do we wish for them to get married and release all of the obvious sexual tension there? Of course not! We aren't psychos. We all want Wile E. Coyote to finally catch that beeping bastard, to pluck his stupid feathers, and roast that mother fucker. Right? Like sane people.
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So that is the problem with this book. Danny, our most amazing, beautiful man is allowing Lance, the human pustule, to keep him as his down-low fuckboy. For reasons unknown, the author sadistically decided that Danny would be hopelessly in love with a guy who has the personality of a moldy potato forever. Didn't like it. Didn't buy it.
[image] That's right, Queen!
Only Danny is worthy of any stars. Nothing else about this story....more
ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate it high. However, after discussion with my friend, Emer, I realized that I shouldn't have been so forgiving because the messed-up part of things is really personal to many people. So, I've decided to change my rating out of respect for those women. You can read Emer's review here .
Original review:
First, I'm going to give you the warnings that I wish someone had given me, even though I should have read more reviews before reading. But, I'm lazy. Anyway, there is angst galore, the major problem in the book could have been cured by a conversation, and then something really bad happens. Nuff said.
The heroine is a girl that I could see really liking. She is snarky and fun, plus she has a mini dog named Stuntman Mike. So, I would even just like her for the dog.
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The set-up is that a girl and guy are falling for each other, but she has issues so she continually rejects him over and over again for the entire book. There is so much angst that you might want to consider taking a valium just to not get too wrapped up in their shit. And, then comes the crying. For you. Yes, she cries a lot too, especially for someone who never says she cries. Also, she plays head games with the guy a lot after she said she doesn't do that.... Hmmm, so she's kind of a liar. But, the point is, this is one of those books that will make you cry. No, not me. I'm dead inside. But you. You might cry. I was just sad for a bit - which is as close as I get. Luckily, I have a cure for sadness. It's called alcohol. You should try that sometime. It works!
That sounds bad, right? But, I still enjoyed the book overall because there were a lot of funny moments and I liked all of the characters. The writing was good, and the dialogue was good too. See? Good.
[image] Yeah, you guys don't have to deal with that kind of stuff with me. Everything is good.
Merged review:
ETA: I really bounced around the idea of how to rate this book because the ending really messed up a good thing, but I decided to forgive it and rate it high. However, after discussion with my friend, Emer, I realized that I shouldn't have been so forgiving because the messed-up part of things is really personal to many people. So, I've decided to change my rating out of respect for those women. You can read Emer's review here .
Original review:
First, I'm going to give you the warnings that I wish someone had given me, even though I should have read more reviews before reading. But, I'm lazy. Anyway, there is angst galore, the major problem in the book could have been cured by a conversation, and then something really bad happens. Nuff said.
The heroine is a girl that I could see really liking. She is snarky and fun, plus she has a mini dog named Stuntman Mike. So, I would even just like her for the dog.
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The set-up is that a girl and guy are falling for each other, but she has issues so she continually rejects him over and over again for the entire book. There is so much angst that you might want to consider taking a valium just to not get too wrapped up in their shit. And, then comes the crying. For you. Yes, she cries a lot too, especially for someone who never says she cries. Also, she plays head games with the guy a lot after she said she doesn't do that.... Hmmm, so she's kind of a liar. But, the point is, this is one of those books that will make you cry. No, not me. I'm dead inside. But you. You might cry. I was just sad for a bit - which is as close as I get. Luckily, I have a cure for sadness. It's called alcohol. You should try that sometime. It works!
That sounds bad, right? But, I still enjoyed the book overall because there were a lot of funny moments and I liked all of the characters. The writing was good, and the dialogue was good too. See? Good.
[image] Yeah, you guys don't have to deal with that kind of stuff with me. Everything is good....more
You know all the books on Fae? And the books on Elementals? (Those who control earth, wind, water, fire, etc) We finally have a book that puts them toYou know all the books on Fae? And the books on Elementals? (Those who control earth, wind, water, fire, etc) We finally have a book that puts them together. It's a fantasy fusion. The girls are born as elementals, then the hunky Fae princes want to "bond" with them to amp up their powers for the next few hundred years. Our main character has no idea she's an elemental until she runs off to college and has all these guys hanging around . (Cry me a river!Poor you!) Anyway....now she has to choose between gorgeous and sexier. Life's tough. We've all been there , right ladies? Uh, yeah... she is kind of hard to like. The only problem is that it feels a little rapey for me. There's a little too much smash and grab with the girls. But, I like that the main character is fighting this attitude. I hope to see some girl-power in the upcoming books. ...more
First, let me take this moment to congratulate myself on reading a BOOK THREE in a series where I haven't read the first two yet. This is the first tiFirst, let me take this moment to congratulate myself on reading a BOOK THREE in a series where I haven't read the first two yet. This is the first time I've ever done that. I'm so ocd about those kind of things that I will occasionally read an entire series if the book I want to read is in a spin-off series. I've read over 20 books just to get to a book I wanted to read before. So, this is progress. I'm a little less crazy today, folks. Just a little.
[image] See, it's mystique. Stop trying to give me pills to kill my mystique!
Here's what I discovered during this not-crazyathon: it didn't matter. I read this book without any feeling of not having all of the information needed. So, now I am in an existential crisis. Did all of those shitty books I read just to get to the book I wanted to read mean nothing? Could I have been doing this all along? Cheating works? It's like my whole life is a lie.
[image] See? I didn't even know this. I wonder what else I don't know.
Alright, I know, you aren't here to read about my not-craziness. You want to know why I gave a book with THAT cover a 5-star review. I mean, that cover? Come on! My dog could have drawn a better cover. Oh, or that painting elephant? I love that guy!
[image] What the hell? Another elephant picture? You're so obsessed with yourself!
Selfie-elephant should get hired by Ilona Andrews too. Oh, and the people who made this book cover:
[image] Jesus? Are you back? Why did you come back as a bigfoot? And, who's that girl?
Oh yeah, the book. I got distracted for a minute by the beauty of that last picture. So many questions.....
Our book starts with the caught-the-boyfriend-schtupping-the-intern scene, so our heroine, Avalon, takes off into the wilds of middle-California where the west is still wild, but you can still get a good gluten-free, vegan soy latte. She's not an animal. While she is sleeping in her old twin bed at the parent's house, she finds out that there is a big old house for sale, and it just so happens to be the former home of her teenage crush. It's a good thing her ex decided to do the intern yesterday because a day or two later and she wouldn't have had the chance to make a stupid decision and buy the house of her old boyfriend. I guess it could have been worse.
She could have decided to read this instead: [image] *shudder* Wait, is the word sexual really on the cover of that book? *shudder harder*
Oh, and the coincidences! They keep coming! It just so happens that her teenage loverboy is ALSO back home and wants to buy the house! What were the odds? She wins the auction. Because, you know, girls are better than boys. But, don't be dismayed, he lives on the same spot of land. So, you know, they can cute-fight over the property. He and Avalon get into an epic show-down of pranks, and that is part of what makes this book totally worth it. It was hilarious! And, then they were hilarious together. Hilarity ensued.
There were nudists, manure, and the worst song ever known to the 1980's. I couldn't help but admire the ways they made each other suffer.
Of course they start hooking up! You knew it was coming the whole time. And, they were even funny then.
“We are really good at it,” she allowed...
“Yeah. I liked the way we kept affirming each other. ‘Yes, oh yes!’” he mimicked.
She gave a quick shout of laughter.
I loved this couple. The story was cheesy, but I didn't care at all. The writing was great. The dialogue was absolutely awesome, and the HEA made me happy. Call me crazy, but this was one helluva fun book.
[image] Oh yeah. I almost forgot. Thanks.
Merged review:
First, let me take this moment to congratulate myself on reading a BOOK THREE in a series where I haven't read the first two yet. This is the first time I've ever done that. I'm so ocd about those kind of things that I will occasionally read an entire series if the book I want to read is in a spin-off series. I've read over 20 books just to get to a book I wanted to read before. So, this is progress. I'm a little less crazy today, folks. Just a little.
[image] See, it's mystique. Stop trying to give me pills to kill my mystique!
Here's what I discovered during this not-crazyathon: it didn't matter. I read this book without any feeling of not having all of the information needed. So, now I am in an existential crisis. Did all of those shitty books I read just to get to the book I wanted to read mean nothing? Could I have been doing this all along? Cheating works? It's like my whole life is a lie.
[image] See? I didn't even know this. I wonder what else I don't know.
Alright, I know, you aren't here to read about my not-craziness. You want to know why I gave a book with THAT cover a 5-star review. I mean, that cover? Come on! My dog could have drawn a better cover. Oh, or that painting elephant? I love that guy!
[image] What the hell? Another elephant picture? You're so obsessed with yourself!
Selfie-elephant should get hired by Ilona Andrews too. Oh, and the people who made this book cover:
[image] Jesus? Are you back? Why did you come back as a bigfoot? And, who's that girl?
Oh yeah, the book. I got distracted for a minute by the beauty of that last picture. So many questions.....
Our book starts with the caught-the-boyfriend-schtupping-the-intern scene, so our heroine, Avalon, takes off into the wilds of middle-California where the west is still wild, but you can still get a good gluten-free, vegan soy latte. She's not an animal. While she is sleeping in her old twin bed at the parent's house, she finds out that there is a big old house for sale, and it just so happens to be the former home of her teenage crush. It's a good thing her ex decided to do the intern yesterday because a day or two later and she wouldn't have had the chance to make a stupid decision and buy the house of her old boyfriend. I guess it could have been worse.
She could have decided to read this instead: [image] *shudder* Wait, is the word sexual really on the cover of that book? *shudder harder*
Oh, and the coincidences! They keep coming! It just so happens that her teenage loverboy is ALSO back home and wants to buy the house! What were the odds? She wins the auction. Because, you know, girls are better than boys. But, don't be dismayed, he lives on the same spot of land. So, you know, they can cute-fight over the property. He and Avalon get into an epic show-down of pranks, and that is part of what makes this book totally worth it. It was hilarious! And, then they were hilarious together. Hilarity ensued.
There were nudists, manure, and the worst song ever known to the 1980's. I couldn't help but admire the ways they made each other suffer.
Of course they start hooking up! You knew it was coming the whole time. And, they were even funny then.
“We are really good at it,” she allowed...
“Yeah. I liked the way we kept affirming each other. ‘Yes, oh yes!’” he mimicked.
She gave a quick shout of laughter.
I loved this couple. The story was cheesy, but I didn't care at all. The writing was great. The dialogue was absolutely awesome, and the HEA made me happy. Call me crazy, but this was one helluva fun book.
The thing is I never found pirates sexy. Well, one exception:
[image] Promises promises
In reality they seem a little lax on the hygiene. Probably smell The thing is I never found pirates sexy. Well, one exception:
[image] Promises promises
In reality they seem a little lax on the hygiene. Probably smell like fish. Also, the rapey thing.. Yeah, not romantic. But authors are always trying, aren't they? The pirate in this book is no exception to the rules. He makes a big deal about not forcing sex on any of the guys he sexes up, but then makes a comment about how he might let his men have a go at a girl and makes sure to protect his love interest from sleeping in the shared quarters. So..... he thinks he's innocent since he's not actually the rapist, but has a boatload of rapists that he takes from port to port?
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So Captain Not-a-Rapist sees the teenager of his dreams and forces him to board his ship. So romantic! They flirt-sail around until the sexual chemistry explodes and they have dirty pirate sex. The good news is that in spite of the fact that the book is set on a ship (boring), and they don't shower (gross), and considering they are pirates they don't do much piratey stuff (lame), there were some good things here. There was a merman that was actually a merman, mages, and a big ol' curse hanging over his head. That helped....more
I would have rated this higher if the beginning wasn't so clunky because I generally like the trope of fake romances becoming real. But, the set-up foI would have rated this higher if the beginning wasn't so clunky because I generally like the trope of fake romances becoming real. But, the set-up for this fake relationship was really forced and flimsy. However, once that is out of the way, this was a fun enough book.
Although, my standards have become very low this month. I have been doing a vampire-themed reading challenge for the month and have read a LOT of crappy vampire books. Comparatively, this was a breath of fresh air because it was actually readable.
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This is about a vampire rock group who are famous. One of the vampires is sick of it all and wants to quit. Another of the vamps in the group makes a deal with him that they will all quit if only bored-vamp falls in love with a human for a year. Call me crazy, but WTF? That has to be one of the stupidest set-ups for a fake relationship I have ever read.
So, of course he gets a straight guy to fake marry him..... because of reasons. And, they do what we all expect. Which makes me think - just how low is the average straight man's sales resistance? Because, according to my research - gay romance books - they seem to be just one fake relationship away from becoming gay at any time. Is this the real reason that car salesmen ignore the woman and only speak to the guy when a couple buys a car? They know he is an easier sale? Plus there is the added benefit of maybe convincing him to become their lover too. A lot of guys seem willing to do a hella lot to say they got a good deal on their new car.
[image] Power couple in the making! (although I'd prefer a Doug Judy/Jake Peralta deal more)
Anyhoo, bad premise aside, I liked the two main characters a lot and wouldn't mind reading more in the series. Except, vampire month is almost over. Thank god! ...more
This is one of those true-mates books where they smell their mate's scent, go batshit crazy, and then need to bite and claim each other. It seems likeThis is one of those true-mates books where they smell their mate's scent, go batshit crazy, and then need to bite and claim each other. It seems like a much easier way to find your Mister or Miss Right than trolling bars or Tinder, so I think it would be a great plan if we humans could have this feature built in. Can someone get on this?
Of course, it might make things a little weird when you're sitting in IHOP with the kids and some guy chases down your waiter, holding your smiley face pancakes, and tackles him to the ground to bite and mate him. But, I think it might be entertaining. Plus, things have been so weird for the past year or so that we probably wouldn't even flinch at this point. I mean, did you notice that nobody gave a crap when the government announced that UFO's are real?
[image] We are truly getting hard to impress.
So, our heroes are the king of vampires and alpha of werewolves. They are brought together because their people are misbehaving and putting the supes in danger from the government. They are immediately driven crazy/horny by the mating bond thingy and have to be together. Which means, too bad, suckers, their sex takes priority over petty problems like government policing and a possible race war. Bone first - Politics later.
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Probably the best thing about this book was how the couple dealt with each other. They were immediately loyal and worked together as a team. They were considerate of their differences and each other's needs. I really liked them as a couple.
The downside of the story was that it felt a little more like a book that was setting up a world and introducing characters for the series, so things stayed more surfacey. Still, I like where the whole thing is going....more
And the award for the unsexiest sex scenes in a book ever goes to...... well, I did read a book once where an alien ejaculated gobs of green gelatin...And the award for the unsexiest sex scenes in a book ever goes to...... well, I did read a book once where an alien ejaculated gobs of green gelatin.... But, no, that was sexier.
Yes, this book wins!
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I thought the book had a good set-up with the main guy being able to resurrect the dead and having a vampire boyfriend, but there were problems. Lots of them.
The "boyfriend" was rarely visible in the book and only had a few paragraphs of actually interacting with the MC, and there was another love interest that felt odd. I never got any chemistry between any of the characters really. And then the sex scenes. They were awful! Like if someone decided to write out the sex between two teenagers at bible camp. A lot of strange guilt, shame, resentments, and fumbling awkwardness, along with every bodily discomfort available. I really really don't want that kind of sex in a 'romantic' book. They even continually turned-down sex with each other. Again, not typically a book character thing.
Look, we don't read stories for the worst parts of IRL-shit. We read them for a better version of IRL. Come on!
[image] I would have preferred the Fanta with all of its orangey glory. I might have even preferred a Mountain Dew over the sex in this book. A Mountain Dew!
Then there was the weird bitchiness of our MC, and everyone else really. I mean, sure there are nefarious dealings going on, but people could still be polite. I bet they're bitchy because their sex lives suck so much. That will make anyone cranky.
Along with the fact that I never connected with any of the characters, and the story got a little convoluted and muddled, it also ended in a cliffhanger with a lot of unanswered questions. The problem with that is that I don't feel invested enough in any of these people to want to read the next book. I just don't care.
This book was being in the head of someone who is really fucked up, and I get enough of that in my own head. I read for a break from that, dammit! I mThis book was being in the head of someone who is really fucked up, and I get enough of that in my own head. I read for a break from that, dammit! I mean, I'm not trying to thought-life-shame anyone, but... geez, I need a drink after dealing with this guy's shit.
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Our main guy is Alex and he is a vet with severe PTSD. He lives with his twin brother after being released from the Army, going completely crazy and living on the streets for a year, and then ending up in a mental hospital. This guy is more broken than a McDonald's ice cream machine.
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Alex gets a job working with an occult shop and ghost tour group in New Orleans because what could be better for a crazy person who thinks evil ghosts are chasing him than doing ghost tours? I guess he's qualified, but is this really the best way to treat his PTSD? I feel like there are better ideas out there.
[image] Not all ideas are good.
The guy he ends up working for, Micah, is also fucked up - so they have a lot in common. Micah has some paranormal PTSD of his own, so the two of them end up helping each other. Kinda. I guess the whole thing is a hurt/comfort trope, but it just isn't my thing.
The other problem I had with the story is that we never really found out what the "big bad" was. As a matter of fact nothing was resolved and questions were never answered. You have to read the next book for answers, I guess. But honestly? I will see you in hell before that happens. And, this book will be required reading there.
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